U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
188 posts, read 182,700 times
Reputation: 426

Advertisements

Just a rant, because it's been bugging me for a while.

Whenever I have a conversation with my sister, she always seems to makes a remark hinting that her lifestyle is so much better than mine. She has been with her husband since she was a teenager, they live in the suburbs, have money (well, her husband makes money, she not so much) take trips to Hawaii every year, and can basically afford to do whatever they want to.

I have been a single mom for all of my daughter's life and have had to put myself through school to find a decent job and help my daughter go to college.

It hasn't always been easy and my love life had been put on hold, but I value my independence and everything I do have. I try not to compare my life to hers, or anyone else's. I never really wanted the kind of life she has, it seems boring to me, I always did things differently and even though I've made lots of mistakes, I am learning how to be happy.

My sister and mostly get along (although we are not as close as we used to be) but it irks me that she seems to pity me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:44 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,287,889 times
Reputation: 62061
So tell her that you do not envy her lifestyle and never wanted a lifestyle like hers then move on.
It really appears to be your issue because you continue to allow her to degrade you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz
698 posts, read 644,395 times
Reputation: 718
She envy's you. Your accomplisments intimidate her while she sits on her tuff.

Tell her it's not her fault... she just hasn't had the life circumstances to show all she can do, as you have.

But you have faith she'd excel also, if in your shoes

If not, it won't hurt.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:50 PM
 
894 posts, read 840,626 times
Reputation: 2633
Annie, it's been my experience that if someone feels the need to go around showing off how fabulous and luxurious their life is, there's usually problems behind closed doors.

Remember the famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Don't let her get to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:51 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,688,691 times
Reputation: 39059
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Dreams View Post
Whenever I have a conversation with my sister, she always seems to makes a remark hinting that her lifestyle is so much better than mine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Dreams View Post
My sister and mostly get along (although we are not as close as we used to be) but it irks me that she seems to pity me.
Looks to me like you are really not happy with your situation, and that you are reading more into her comments than she intends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
188 posts, read 182,700 times
Reputation: 426
The thing is she doesn't say anything overtly, it's little digs, like joking that I sleep in a single bed. (I don't, I've had a queen bed for 2 decades!) or condescending remarks about how much money I don't have. It seems like nothing, but she does this a lot, and I've let it build up. I guess it's hard to say something directly to her, she hates confrontation and will shut down, maybe I'm afraid we will end up not talking at all.

Last edited by Annie Dreams; 11-09-2014 at 06:14 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz
698 posts, read 644,395 times
Reputation: 718
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Looks to me like you are really not happy with your situation, and that you are reading more into her comments than she intends.
Without knowing exactly what was said, how do you come to this conclusion?

cause she was actually there

it seems logical to conclude...she is correct about it, and you not being present, are likely not eh? Especially without knowing what was said.

Either way, knowing none of us were present, to give advice that will address it without having adverse consequences just in case she is incorrect, seems prudent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
188 posts, read 182,700 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
She envy's you. Your accomplisments intimidate her while she sits on her tuff.

Tell her it's not her fault... she just hasn't had the life circumstances to show all she can do, as you have.

But you have faith she'd excel also, if in your shoes

If not, it won't hurt.

I've thought this also, she is not happy in general, although she does have a good life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 06:00 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,688,691 times
Reputation: 39059
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
Without knowing exactly what was said, how do you come to this conclusion?
Because of what I highlighted in my response.

You also don't know what was said... your opinion is no more or less valid than mine.

And you contradict yourself.
You said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
She envy's you. Your accomplisments intimidate her while she sits on her tuff.

Tell her it's not her fault... she just hasn't had the life circumstances to show all she can do, as you have.
You know nothing about the sister. You do not know if she is intimidated; you know nothing about her life circumstances.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
Either way, knowing none of us were present, to give advice that will address it without having adverse consequences just in case she is incorrect, seems prudent.
would apply there too, right?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-09-2014, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz
698 posts, read 644,395 times
Reputation: 718
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Dreams View Post
The thing is she doesn't say anything overtly, it's little digs, like joking that I sleep in a single bed. (I don't, I've had a queen bad for 2 decades!) or condescending remarks about how much money I don't have. It seems like nothing, but she does this a lot, and I've let it build up. I guess it's hard to say something directly to her, she hates confrontation and will shut down, maybe I'm afraid we will end up not talking at all.
She had better get used to confontation if she's going to make digs. No one should endure such emotional abuse, this is repeated as you state.

Tell her your money isn't something she needs to make snide remarks about. If she apologizes, accept it graciously and tell her you can move on. If she continues, you need to place space in between you because it's clear she has no reason except to be mean, to see you. You are not a target board for jabs, you are a person.

I doubt she feels the same about you, as you do her.

And your kindness makes her worse in this regard. Anyhow, this isn't ok so address it when it comes up, and remark how often it comes up. Ask why she is so concerned about it
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:20 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top