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Old 11-09-2014, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
191 posts, read 220,321 times
Reputation: 458

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Just a rant, because it's been bugging me for a while.

Whenever I have a conversation with my sister, she always seems to makes a remark hinting that her lifestyle is so much better than mine. She has been with her husband since she was a teenager, they live in the suburbs, have money (well, her husband makes money, she not so much) take trips to Hawaii every year, and can basically afford to do whatever they want to.

I have been a single mom for all of my daughter's life and have had to put myself through school to find a decent job and help my daughter go to college.

It hasn't always been easy and my love life had been put on hold, but I value my independence and everything I do have. I try not to compare my life to hers, or anyone else's. I never really wanted the kind of life she has, it seems boring to me, I always did things differently and even though I've made lots of mistakes, I am learning how to be happy.

My sister and mostly get along (although we are not as close as we used to be) but it irks me that she seems to pity me.
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Old 11-09-2014, 05:44 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,109,197 times
Reputation: 62664
So tell her that you do not envy her lifestyle and never wanted a lifestyle like hers then move on.
It really appears to be your issue because you continue to allow her to degrade you.
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Old 11-09-2014, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz
698 posts, read 795,826 times
Reputation: 718
She envy's you. Your accomplisments intimidate her while she sits on her tuff.

Tell her it's not her fault... she just hasn't had the life circumstances to show all she can do, as you have.

But you have faith she'd excel also, if in your shoes

If not, it won't hurt.
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Old 11-09-2014, 05:50 PM
 
894 posts, read 1,047,710 times
Reputation: 2662
Annie, it's been my experience that if someone feels the need to go around showing off how fabulous and luxurious their life is, there's usually problems behind closed doors.

Remember the famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Don't let her get to you.
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Old 11-09-2014, 05:51 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,421 posts, read 47,411,742 times
Reputation: 47699
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Dreams View Post
Whenever I have a conversation with my sister, she always seems to makes a remark hinting that her lifestyle is so much better than mine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Dreams View Post
My sister and mostly get along (although we are not as close as we used to be) but it irks me that she seems to pity me.
Looks to me like you are really not happy with your situation, and that you are reading more into her comments than she intends.
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Old 11-09-2014, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
191 posts, read 220,321 times
Reputation: 458
The thing is she doesn't say anything overtly, it's little digs, like joking that I sleep in a single bed. (I don't, I've had a queen bed for 2 decades!) or condescending remarks about how much money I don't have. It seems like nothing, but she does this a lot, and I've let it build up. I guess it's hard to say something directly to her, she hates confrontation and will shut down, maybe I'm afraid we will end up not talking at all.

Last edited by Annie Dreams; 11-09-2014 at 06:14 PM..
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Old 11-09-2014, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz
698 posts, read 795,826 times
Reputation: 718
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Looks to me like you are really not happy with your situation, and that you are reading more into her comments than she intends.
Without knowing exactly what was said, how do you come to this conclusion?

cause she was actually there

it seems logical to conclude...she is correct about it, and you not being present, are likely not eh? Especially without knowing what was said.

Either way, knowing none of us were present, to give advice that will address it without having adverse consequences just in case she is incorrect, seems prudent.
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Old 11-09-2014, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Canada (I've lived in 5 different provinces)
191 posts, read 220,321 times
Reputation: 458
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
She envy's you. Your accomplisments intimidate her while she sits on her tuff.

Tell her it's not her fault... she just hasn't had the life circumstances to show all she can do, as you have.

But you have faith she'd excel also, if in your shoes

If not, it won't hurt.

I've thought this also, she is not happy in general, although she does have a good life.
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Old 11-09-2014, 06:00 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
22,421 posts, read 47,411,742 times
Reputation: 47699
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
Without knowing exactly what was said, how do you come to this conclusion?
Because of what I highlighted in my response.

You also don't know what was said... your opinion is no more or less valid than mine.

And you contradict yourself.
You said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
She envy's you. Your accomplisments intimidate her while she sits on her tuff.

Tell her it's not her fault... she just hasn't had the life circumstances to show all she can do, as you have.
You know nothing about the sister. You do not know if she is intimidated; you know nothing about her life circumstances.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1 View Post
Either way, knowing none of us were present, to give advice that will address it without having adverse consequences just in case she is incorrect, seems prudent.
would apply there too, right?
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Old 11-09-2014, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz
698 posts, read 795,826 times
Reputation: 718
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Dreams View Post
The thing is she doesn't say anything overtly, it's little digs, like joking that I sleep in a single bed. (I don't, I've had a queen bad for 2 decades!) or condescending remarks about how much money I don't have. It seems like nothing, but she does this a lot, and I've let it build up. I guess it's hard to say something directly to her, she hates confrontation and will shut down, maybe I'm afraid we will end up not talking at all.
She had better get used to confontation if she's going to make digs. No one should endure such emotional abuse, this is repeated as you state.

Tell her your money isn't something she needs to make snide remarks about. If she apologizes, accept it graciously and tell her you can move on. If she continues, you need to place space in between you because it's clear she has no reason except to be mean, to see you. You are not a target board for jabs, you are a person.

I doubt she feels the same about you, as you do her.

And your kindness makes her worse in this regard. Anyhow, this isn't ok so address it when it comes up, and remark how often it comes up. Ask why she is so concerned about it
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