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you ever see a car that hit a wall head on ,,,completely smashed and totaled?? well that's very similar to many of us adults carrying around past baggage that's never dealt with- we bury it, its too ugly to look at it- to face it down and let it go,,,so, It gets buried, then festers, and surfaces like a leach field - we have all have heart aches and scars from the past we carry around,,,we have insecurities, contempt, trust, security, self-image, love issues.... we cope and live because we must , but most of us (after a few tough relationships) are a minefield...
I have many friends that are dating ,,,in their 30's and 40's
superficially, he's having a great time,,with many many ladys,,,,, on the first date and knowing them a month or so,,,he always keeps an escape door open,,, when they start to really like him, and want to go steady or exclusive ,,,he gets very scared (because of past scars) and instead of telling the lady he has commitment issues ,,, he breaks up with them , leaving them to think they have done something "wrong" ive told him he's a dick-head and until he deals with his shyt from the past, he cant move forward..
this is another thing we all do- well, most of us, we avoid and appease conflict, some things that bother us, we look the other way, instead of dealing with it at the time,,
we try to force square blocks in round holes, make it fit when it doesn't,,,
after a while these little things,,,become bigger annoyances,,,, then when we surface it ,,,we fight,,,
and one of the most important things in adult life- hardly ever gets taught, or addressed, and that's emotional conflict/resolution, how we resolve a fight,,,and you don't truly know someone
until you see them angry,,,,do they throw things?? hit?? scream and run???
some people hit chaos, and get violent in two minutes, major major red flags, and how often do we look the other way early on with the red flags??
you look back to many of our grandmothers and generations before them,,,the women were not independent,,,, many got verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by men,,,but they had very limited options, and society shunned single mothers and such
so, for ladys/mothers today to be independent (not alone) is a good thing,,, women 100 yrs ago use to suffer in silence and I bet many of them would think,, perhaps my daughter, or grand daughter will be independent enough (work) so she doesn't have to take shyt .
im not painting men as abusers, but it was very much a paternalistic society,
maybe its more of a coincidence, that never have women been so free and independent of choices, as they do today-just 40 yrs ago most women didn't work outside of the house- now it is expected and celebrated that women have every choice to go to college and be whatever she wants to be (this wasn't the case yrs ago)
maybe more women will tolerate less, because she is unwilling to appease and tolerate/avoid
maybe more men don't want to give up a buffet of ladys ..... for one dish
a lot of factors in the mix
no need to blame just yourself
When a friendship (non-romantic) is new it is usually built upon shared interests and those are enjoyed together.
As time goes on gradually the dissimilarities begin to emerge, revealing that we are at different stages in life, want different things out of life, & approach things differently. So tho we continue to enjoy the same interests together (and there may be many) our general approach & outlook on life is too different to find the relationship as satisfying as we had hoped. This can lead to the "car crash" when one person is fed-up with hearing a point of view that is totally opposed to something he believes. We can all "make nice" for a bit, but eventually the crash happens.
After a lifetime of car crash type interpersonal relationships (not romantic, they've usually ended well), I've come to the conclusion
I don't think it's Me.
Obviously, it IS me, in that I am half of the equation with any other human I interact with.
On the other hand, there are just SO MANY DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE in the world!
Everyone seems to have their own agenda, mostly what You can do for Them, and they don't appreciate it when you won't dance to their tune no matter What the actual details are.
You displease me so I shall cut you off like so much shrubbery.
Does anyone agree? Are people getting more selfish, less caring, in general?
Seems like a no brainer when I put it like that...
There is a difference between deep, long lasting friendships, and the more casual ones. Even at my advanced age, I can count my really close friendships that have stood the test of time on the fingers of one hand. All the rest have come and gone. You're not going have long term relationships with every friend you make. Perhaps you are expecting too much.
There is a difference between deep, long lasting friendships, and the more casual ones. Even at my advanced age, I can count my really close friendships that have stood the test of time on the fingers of one hand. All the rest have come and gone. You're not going have long term relationships with every friend you make. Perhaps you are expecting too much.
I agree in adulthood most friendships come and go, depending on circumstances. Like when you are a mother with young kids, you make a slew of friends. But then all the kids get older, go off to different schools and you may keep one or two of those friendships long term.
But they tend to slowly dissipate, not come to a car crash ending. That car crash ending shouldn't happen more then once or twice in a life time, I would imagine. Its painful. If friendships are ending in dramatic style over and over again, you have to take some responsibility for why that is happening.
After a lifetime of car crash type interpersonal relationships (not romantic, they've usually ended well), I've come to the conclusion
I don't think it's Me.
Obviously, it IS me, in that I am half of the equation with any other human I interact with.
On the other hand, there are just SO MANY DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE in the world!
Everyone seems to have their own agenda, mostly what You can do for Them, and they don't appreciate it when you won't dance to their tune no matter What the actual details are.
You displease me so I shall cut you off like so much shrubbery.
Does anyone agree? Are people getting more selfish, less caring, in general?
Seems like a no brainer when I put it like that...
Aside from the implication that this is a new phenomenon (your second to last sentence), I believe you have made some very good observations.
I grew as a person when I started believing in myself, and realizing that it's not my "fault" that I don't get along with so many people. Beyond a superficial level, most people don't mix well -- and maybe that's OK.
When you can learn to not get worked up about this (I'm there sometimes, but not always, yet) -- you're free.
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