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a few months ago i got the idea to see a stand-up comic who was coming to town at the end of the year. i asked a friend if he wanted to go and he said sure. he said he had another friend who wanted to go so I gave him the cash and he bought all three of us tickets. it would be three guys out seeing a good show. that was the end of things -- at least i thought.
then last weekend came, the night of the show, and when i showed up his girlfriend was with him. somehow she got included in this event, when it was ostensibly supposed to be a guy's night out (mind you, the comic in question isn't exactly appealing to a female audience). Knowing this girlfriend (she is really, really difficult) i could already see the writing on the wall: she would be sick of the thing by the middle of the act and would want to leave. bingo. not half way through she started complaining, eventually asking my friend to leave. somehow my friend expected me to want to leave as well, thinking i'd be fine tossing my $50 and good time in the garbage just so his moody girlfriend could have her way. i refused and ended up sitting through the rest of the show all by myself (the other friend made the crucial mistake of riding with them to the show).
I pretty much told him off. it really annoyed me that he would do this. he tried to say i was being unreasonable. i don't think so
a few months ago i got the idea to see a stand-up comic who was coming to town at the end of the year. i asked a friend if he wanted to go and he said sure. he said he had another friend who wanted to go so I gave him the cash and he bought all three of us tickets. it would be three guys out seeing a good show. that was the end of things -- at least i thought.
then last weekend came, the night of the show, and when i showed up his girlfriend was with him. somehow she got included in this event, when it was ostensibly supposed to be a guy's night out (mind you, the comic in question isn't exactly appealing to a female audience). Knowing this girlfriend (she is really, really difficult) i could already see the writing on the wall: she would be sick of the thing by the middle of the act and would want to leave. bingo. not half way through she started complaining, eventually asking my friend to leave. somehow my friend expected me to want to leave as well, thinking i'd be fine tossing my $50 and good time in the garbage just so his moody girlfriend could have her way. i refused and ended up sitting through the rest of the show all by myself (the other friend made the crucial mistake of riding with them to the show).
I pretty much told him off. it really annoyed me that he would do this. he tried to say i was being unreasonable. i don't think so
I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. If I paid $50 to see something I'd want to stay until the end too. I wouldn't worry about it too much, if he is a real friend he'll get over it.
I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. If I paid $50 to see something I'd want to stay until the end too. I wouldn't worry about it too much, if he is a real friend he'll get over it.
First, you're never wrong for FEELING any way that you feel. Actions can be wrong, but you have a right to your feelings, whatever they are.
Second, I think you did the appropriate thing. You paid, you wanted to see the show. if he was forced to leave by his GF that is between them and does not involve you. If his GF had not liked the show, she could have waited in the lobby until the show was over, or agreed to meet you all someplace nearby for a drink after. It was wrong of her to make all three of them leave because she didn't care for the show. Good thing you drove yourself, too bad you couldn't have given the other guys a ride home and let her leave with the car.
This reminds me of this past weekend when we invited my dad to an auction. He opted to bring my mother along. Frankly, we didn't invite my mother, and it was because she's like your friend's girlfriend - everything is always about her, and she ALWAYS tries to throw a kink in whatever plan there is.
Sure enough, about fifteen minutes into the auction, she started complaining about how cold it was. Newsflash - you knew it was going to be cold before you came. The rest of us aren't cold. You shouldn't be cold with your heavy coat and scarf and hat on. She couldn't get anyone to cater to her, so she started saying she wanted to go sit in the car. OK, so I gave her the keys and said, "Just push this button and the doors will unlock and you can sit in the car," but you see...I wouldn't GO WITH HER to go sit in the car, so she wouldn't go.
Augh!
Kudos to my dad - because he didn't crater with her - he stayed for the entire auction. When she started to complain, we all just would walk away from her. So she ended up standing around complaining the entire time to strangers. Oh well!
She hates football, and my dad loves football. She won't let him watch it in their house. Can you even believe that? So - he comes over here to watch it. That's fine, but this Sunday we had a birthday party planned for "after the game." My dad had to leave the game early and go get my mother (this whole thing took about 45 minutes) because she wouldn't come with him because we'd be watching a football game. That being said, personally I didn't mind that because the ONE TIME she DID come, she sat in the living room looking like Christ on the cross the entire time, sighing heavily, all wadded up looking as miserable as anyone could look, and the very INSTANT the game was over, I mean the very SECOND it was over, she jumped to her feet suddenly and said loudly, 'LET'S GO - FOR PETE'S SAKE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, TAKE ME HOME THIS INSTANT." No "thanks for lunch," no, "Bye, grandkids, see you later!" no pleasantries - she just jumped up, said all this in a loud voice and stormed out of the house to go stand by the truck.
Some people...
Your friend's girlfriend will never learn if her friend caters to her. I speak from personal experience. I've watched my dad enable my mother's petty fit pitching for decades. it only gets worse. At least he's FINALLY sort of standing up for himself. Sort of. But boy, she doesn't like it.
a few months ago i got the idea to see a stand-up comic who was coming to town at the end of the year. i asked a friend if he wanted to go and he said sure. he said he had another friend who wanted to go so I gave him the cash and he bought all three of us tickets. it would be three guys out seeing a good show. that was the end of things -- at least i thought.
then last weekend came, the night of the show, and when i showed up his girlfriend was with him. somehow she got included in this event, when it was ostensibly supposed to be a guy's night out (mind you, the comic in question isn't exactly appealing to a female audience). Knowing this girlfriend (she is really, really difficult) i could already see the writing on the wall: she would be sick of the thing by the middle of the act and would want to leave. bingo. not half way through she started complaining, eventually asking my friend to leave. somehow my friend expected me to want to leave as well, thinking i'd be fine tossing my $50 and good time in the garbage just so his moody girlfriend could have her way. i refused and ended up sitting through the rest of the show all by myself (the other friend made the crucial mistake of riding with them to the show).
I pretty much told him off. it really annoyed me that he would do this. he tried to say i was being unreasonable. i don't think so
I would be upset about this too, because he ruined the evening. Next time don't include him on anything. Anyone who has a really difficult boy/girl friend or spouse has a serious character flaw in my book and I'd drop him as a friend.
I would be upset about this too, because he ruined the evening. Next time don't include him on anything. Anyone who has a really difficult boy/girl friend or spouse has a serious character flaw in my book and I'd drop him as a friend.
TRUE DAT. He needs to get his head together.
I wouldn't necessarily drop the guy as a friend altogether. What I'd do is give him my own personal parameters. Healthy ones based on reasonable expectations. Then if he chooses not to abide by those, it's his choice - you're not the bad guy. You didn't just run from a problem, freeze him out, whatever. You modeled healthy behavior and healthy expectations.
In my experience, you will enjoy deeper respect from others and some salvaged relationships with that approach - maybe not right away but over time.
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