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I can only speak for myself, but I am not anyone's chattel. My daddy, who I dearly love, did not "give me away," and my husband, who "loves me as Christ loves the Church," does not own me.
Yes he did. He walked you down the aisle and gave you away. This is why it is phrased this way. This is where you ceased to be only your father's daughter, and are now your husband's wife. He is giving you to him, and that relationship is now more important.
Yes he did. He walked you down the aisle and gave you away. This is why it is phrased this way. This is where you ceased to be only your father's daughter, and are now your husband's wife. He is giving you to him, and that relationship is now more important.
Actually no he didn't. Though my father gladly attended my wedding, he did not walk me down the aisle and give me away to my husband. He really likes my husband and was very glad I chose to marry him, but he knew I am my own person, and the very idea of giving me away was laughable to both of us.
Oh dear. Do you believe wives should bend to their husband's will in all decisions? I don't. Men are just as capable of being wrong, and pigheaded as wives and in-laws. We don't have enough info to say that's the case here, only the OP knows.
But, if her husband is in the wrong, she should feel free to spend Thanksgiving wherever she wants to be.
I believe men should be the leaders of their households and therefore ultimately responsible for the decisions that affect the family. He should consult with his wife and consider her input.
Based on the information we do have, her husband may or may not have been wrong and/or pig-headed. Again, I don't think it matters. I still think she should be loyal to him.
Yes he did. He walked you down the aisle and gave you away. This is why it is phrased this way. This is where you ceased to be only your father's daughter, and are now your husband's wife. He is giving you to him, and that relationship is now more important.
Calm down a minute. I know no more than you about the situation, I just don't think it matters whether the husband was out of line or not. I believe his wife should support him.
I am calm. I'm not at all riled up, even though I find your posts on this matter to be pretty amazing. And I don't believe in supporting bad behavior, from anyone.
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If a man has all of the characteristics that you describe, you probably shouldn't marry him. If you choose to do so, I think you should be willing to accept his faults and be loyal to him.
So you think that women should stay in abusive relationships? You think that if a husband is controlling, or tries to cut her off from friends or family, she should just suck it up and live like that?
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It seems you're misunderstanding me. Talking to your spouse openly and honestly, even about their faults or mistakes, is not disloyalty. If however, your mother/friend/sister starts telling you all about your husband's faults or mistakes, even if true, I think you should defend him and not allow her to do that.
No, I'm not misunderstanding you. I am aghast at your position.
If my husband has a fault and someone in my immediate family points it out, I don't feel that I have any moral obligation to deny his wrongdoing. I may choose to say, "I'd rather not discuss this with you," or something along those lines, but I have no moral obligation to cover for his bad behavior.
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Yes, I think you should be supportive of him, even when he makes mistakes. That would however be a good opportunity to have one of those open and honest conversations about his faults and his need to change them.
This was your answer to MY question asking if we should support husbands who are abusive, or who break the law, or who are cruel to others, etc. These aren't simply "mistakes" and I not only don't believe we should support such behaviors, I think in many cases we would be WRONG to do so.
I can't speak for the op but, no way would I put up with my husband cussing my dad out. My husband has my respect and it is because he deserves it for how much he loves me and my family. It may be something different if a father has a history of abusing his daughter and her husband goes into protective mode. Otherwise to me showing that kind of disrespect is not acceptable.
Actually no he didn't. Though my father gladly attended my wedding, he did not walk me down the aisle and give me away to my husband. He really likes my husband and was very glad I chose to marry him, but he knew I am my own person, and the very idea of giving me away was laughable to both of us.
OK, didn't think it needed explaining. He gave his blessing for your husband to take you as his wife. Whether he physically walked you down the aisle or not doesn't matter. He gave you away.
Nothing I've said was in jest. I think it's very telling that you would think so. It's tragic that you chose an abusive man as a husband, but that's quite a bit different than the situation we're talking about here. The OP has a family disagreement that includes her husband. She should support him no matter what, over everyone else.
No, I have not had, nor would I accept, an abusive spouse. I wouldn't have a disloyal one either for that matter.
I think you and I may just have fundamentally different views of what a marriage should be. I believe everyone should offer unwavering support to their spouse. Yes, even when they're wrong. If they're not willing to do that, they should leave the marriage.
That's my point, the child should not be put in the middle, but that's essentially what you're recommending. For the OP to say "Work this problem out or I'm going to visit without you, and taking our son, too..." is using him as leverage. The OP should tell her father that until they're able to visit as a family, none of them will be coming.
Not everyone is abusive or an alcoholic before marriage. Some of these traits reveal themselves over the years.
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Originally Posted by The Mysterious Benefactor
Why can't she deny her father? When she got married, her father gave her away to her husband. She should be loyal to him now, not her father.
My father did not walk me down the aisle, nor did anyone give me away! I, and all women, are not some property to be transferred to a new owner. This is a RIDICULOUS point of view!!
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Originally Posted by The Mysterious Benefactor
Yes he did. He walked you down the aisle and gave you away. This is why it is phrased this way. This is where you ceased to be only your father's daughter, and are now your husband's wife. He is giving you to him, and that relationship is now more important.
Nope. Wrong. My dad did not "give" me to anyone!
We don't know enough of the OP's situation. Maybe her DH was justified. Maybe he was being a jerk. We just don't know. IF her DH was being a jerk, she does not have to support him in his jerkiness.
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