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Old 11-23-2014, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Louisville KY
4,857 posts, read 5,797,171 times
Reputation: 4341

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I just finished a 36 week course on domestic violence, I was amazed at how the most seemingly petty things are considered DV. If that's how you feel about the money you make, it is yours to decide it's fate, I can't argue that at all. I mean it goes inline exactly with what I said on the subject, your money is yours ti do what you want with it, because it's yours, and no one has the right to tell you what to do with it. You could go out and buy a motorcycle, gamble it away, gige it all to the wife and kids, the point was choices aside, you reign ober that money you earn, like she does hers, as those are personal things.

I've been through the money I make is "our money," relationship, the money my girlfriend makes is hers, mine is mine, we have talked about a joint account for the house when we get one, to keep our personal accounts to ourselves as it should be. I don't know if I explained this well or not.

 
Old 11-23-2014, 03:17 PM
 
1,562 posts, read 1,486,417 times
Reputation: 2686
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I'm trying to find common ground with you here MB. I know my own husband made sacrifices to provide for his family, with a lot of travel involved. And, I'm equally certain he feels responsible for the safety of all of us. And the part about the bank account and possessions? Fine by me.

But that's where it ends. The "good wife" part gives me the creeps. The deferring part does also. I have an equal voice, and sometimes it will not be silenced. I didn't give up anything when I married, I added to my life. Your scenario appears to deflate that.
I understand. I don't think that you and I are that far apart. I'm not sure why "good wife" bothers you. Most men want a good wife, as opposed to a bad wife, or even an OK wife. That is, one who is intelligent, strong, capable, faithful, caring, supportive, kind, etc. Just as most women want a "good husband" who has the same qualities. I meant no more than that.

But you did give up something when you got married; we all did. We became part of a team instead of being just ourselves. Everything I do affects my family in some way, not just me, and I have to consider that. I didn't have to do that before I was married; I could do anything I wanted. I imagine the same was true of you.
In every marriage, there are bound to be differences of opinion on almost anything. Married life includes a lot of big decisions. Life-altering decisions. Which house should we buy? How should we invest our savings? Should we move across the country? You get my drift. So who should be ultimately responsible for these decisions? In my mind, the same person who has the obligation of supporting, protecting and guiding the family: your husband.
You should hold him responsible for the decisions he makes. At the same time, you need to give him the authority to make them. That is, deferring to his judgement.
 
Old 11-24-2014, 10:49 AM
 
4,096 posts, read 6,194,573 times
Reputation: 7406
Wow, I skimmed through this to find out the why and what about the cussing at the dad but no info at all. The OP never came back to explain anything. This is so vague if there are no more specifics about it who knows what it was about. Could have been the straw that broke the camels back or the husband could be abusive. Who knows, not us.
 
Old 11-24-2014, 01:09 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,312 posts, read 19,982,912 times
Reputation: 115165
This thread is closed. I was in the process of cleaning it up, and deleted many posts, but it's just not worth the time to clean up the rest. People, if you can't stay on topic, please refrain from posting. If you wish to debate a highly controversial topic, take it to Great Debates or to Politics & Other Controversies.

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