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No matter what you say or write, it's unlikely that she'll ever change her ways and if you send her the email, she'll just stew over it. It's perfectly polite and reasonable, but that won't matter. She'll find a way to be peeved about it and use it to stir up family drama.
Just keep doing what you're doing and let her keep thinking what she's thinking. Have you ever heard the expression "What other people think of me isn't any of my business?" I think it applies perfectly in this situation.
It will not explain anything to your MIL. Her mind is closed. It is tightly shut. It will only add to the flames. Since you are the wife I will assume you were chief cook during your marriage which makes you the "bad one."
Suck it up and continue as planned. Why did you think she needed to know your plans? You knew how she would likely react. I had a MIL who was very protective of her only child.... the son of hers I married. I soon knew it was not to her liking. She had a nervous laugh and I heard it a lot. She was formally educated; however, much of it didn't take. I can cite many situations of ignorance on her part. She was truly a wicked witch of the West and it's doubtful she is resting in peace.
It's a wonderfully written email, however it's nit going to make a difference. She's been this way for 30 years, she isn't going to change now. Frustrating for sure!
You don't need to justify your choices to her. It's YOUR family's decision. I quit trying to justify myself to my MIL years ago (a hard thing to do for a "people-pleaser"). I realize that she still talks smack behind my back (she actually left her journal wide open once while staying at my house, so I saw it in black and white), but I will not allow her negativity to bring me down anymore. I strive to save my precious energy for things that matter to me.
Quite honestly I was expecting to read a strongly worded, seriously pissed off bitchin' daughter in law email, but yours very well written and respectful. I liked it.
However, I don't think you should send it. You know how she is.. Everybody else knows how she is. Next time she starts complaining about something that she feels you should or shouldn't be doing, just tell her in no uncertain terms that this is a decision that you and hubby agreed upon. End of discussion.
But why is it SOME daughter in laws, like yourself go after the mother in law?
Where the hell is your husband in all this?
Tell him to tell his mom to stop doing this. Get after his arse. It will mean more and maybe even get through to her easier and faster if it comes from him.
Once he confronts her with her behavior and how he knows she goes to the others with her complaints/concerns she'll likely stop. But he's got to do it. Not you.
I learned the hard way that emails like this don't usually work. The recipient will feel a need to respond and also share the email. It becomes an emotionally charged exchange very quickly.
If you must send her a note: "Thanks so much for cooking/baking for us. We don't do much of that anymore, as you know, because we really hate it. But we love to eat and sure do love the things you make for us! Thanks again! We love you!"
And then give yourself high praise, a pat on the back and a glass of wine for taking the high road.
I learned the hard way that emails like this don't usually work. The recipient will feel a need to respond and also share the email. It becomes an emotionally charged exchange very quickly.
If you must send her a note: "Thanks so much for cooking/baking for us. We don't do much of that anymore, as you know, because we really hate it. But we love to eat and sure do love the things you make for us! Thanks again! We love you!"
And then give yourself high praise, a pat on the back and a glass of wine for taking the high road.
That's good advice. Not only is it the polite thing to do, but it might even head mom off at the pass, so to speak.
I learned the hard way that emails like this don't usually work. The recipient will feel a need to respond and also share the email. It becomes an emotionally charged exchange very quickly.
If you must send her a note: "Thanks so much for cooking/baking for us. We don't do much of that anymore, as you know, because we really hate it. But we love to eat and sure do love the things you make for us! Thanks again! We love you!"
And then give yourself high praise, a pat on the back and a glass of wine for taking the high road.
This sounds good to me.
If you feel you must go with the lengthy explanation, do it in person the next time she brings the subject up.
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