Issues with intimacy in general (Family, Relatives, Friends, Dating etc.) (husband, siblings)

[HappyFarm34]

since I was a young child, I had a poor connection with my parents. My childhood and teenage years were filled with feelings of lonliness and isolation. Even the connection I felt with my siblings were poor. I felt like a misfit, unseen and misunderstood. At a young age, I learned to shut down and not rely on others as a coping mechanism. I used fantasy and daydreaming rather than actual interactions with other people.

As I've been reading and learning, I've come to understand that I've always been scared to let anyone come close to me.

Some of the fear of intimacy signs I've experienced
no sharing of emotions
keeping my life to myself
lack of social interest
fear
running away from problems as they arise
bottling up my emotions
ignoring my feelings
pretending something doesn't matter when inside it does matter
compulsive behavior
excessive reading and watching tv
keeping conversations superficial
burying negative emotions under the mask of peace n love
getting upset over minor incidents
low self-confidence, low self-esteem

can anyone relate?

[LoriBee62]

I have some of those issues, though not all. Like you, I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. On the bright side, many successful people and artists were also people who spent a lot of time alone.

I definitely wish I was a more huggy/feely type person. I do have close friends and am not short on acquaintances. But I am usually more at peace alone with my husband and son than I am out lunching with friends. I sort of "make" myself go out with friends because I don't want to shut myself out from the human race.

One thing that I have pondered is whether or not I can be a "closer" person. I've tried to give hugs more when I see friends, but being that it doesn't come natural for me, I feel a bit of a "fail" at trying to be someone I'm not. I have friends who like me just the way I am, so I should be happy with that. But I do sometimes wonder if it's possible to change.

[nikitakolata]

I can relate to some of that, especially when I was younger (in high school in particular). I'm definitely not much of a touchy-feely person.

For me, a lot of those feelings changed with age and as I gained confidence. My relationships with my siblings are better now than they ever were when we were young. Same with my friends; I don't really hug or touch my friends much though, even now. I will hug someone, of course, but I don't tend to initiate that stuff with anyone but my husband.

Not everyone is an extrovert and even extroverts don't share everything and tackle all their problems head on or anything. Some of those things are probably just parts of your personality that don't need to be changed. Others, if they make you unhappy, then change those.

I would probably start journaling to get your feelings out. I would also work on cultivating one good friendship or relationship with a relative and go from there if you are bothered by how you feel around others.