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Now that Thanksgiving Weekend is over, my wife and I will spend the rest of December online and at the mall spending money on presents for relatives we have a strained and distant relationship with.
Why do we do it? We don't want to make waves and it is expected and is easier than the anger we would have to endure by the few relatives we like. If we did not show up with gifts for everyone, the air would be sucked out of the room and people would gossip, give us the silent treatment and I would never hear the end of it for months afterwards.
The other Aunts and Uncles are in a spending competition with each other seeing how much they can spend on their nieces and nephews. They want to buy their love through gifts. The nieces and nephews don't give us Aunts and Uncles the time of day except when they are forced to say thank you for the gifts, they don't seem so impressed with.
Tell us about your gift giving for Christmas. How many people do you buy gifts for? Do they say thank you sincerely? How much do you spend? Is the process enjoyable for you? Or do you buy things just to keep the relatives happy?
Been there; done that and I sympathize with you.
Now that the grandparents are gone and the families don't get together for the holidays anymore we have the freedom to do it our way. It is very difficult to go against the grain of old family traditions.
And of the four of us I'm probably the one who puts the most store by tradition. Daughter has different ideas and we've let her guide our new ways.
Our kids work hard and their finances are always stretched. They want to give us gifts and there's really nothing we need anymore. I usually ask for handmade things.
For them we gift them with a couple of large and practical items (like snow tires, filling the winter propane gas tank) that will save them money. And then I buy a few little items to open of snacks or trinkets that they'd like but probably don't spend money on.
This year I'm paying off my son's credit card bills. I had planned to buy him a vehicle but first things first. And my daughter will get an equal amount of money. They aren't very fun gifts to give but I know that they will be very much appreciated.
Our big gift to all of us is a monumental feast of a meal with the old traditionals and new special treats we wouldn't buy the rest of the year.
My husband and I don't gift anymore. We're going to Mexico for a week in January instead.
The other people are my service persons - dentist, hair stylist, etc. Some of them are nearly like family I've had them so long. I give them homemade candy or cookies.
Is it enjoyable for me? Yes and no. Every year it seems like it takes more energy to do less than I did the year before. But I do like to give things to people and I get excited about watching them open their gifts. Just like a kid!
Most of my family is dead so no shopping here. I do remember great Christmases in the past full of gifts and fun times. I hope the folks who do no gifting think about this for a minute!
The SO and I have decided to buy each other some DVD's we have been wanting and that's it!
I read somewhere that the average person buys for 11 people and spends about $900 for Christmas Gifts.
So many people I have bought gifts for in the past never said thanks and I suspect the gift ended in the basement.
So then stop buying for them, nobody points a gun to your head.
My MIL has bought me so many things I don't want over the years, I keep telling her thanks but no thanks, there is no need, etc. She barely survives off her retirement money as it is. I told her this year don't buy anything, if she wants to buy a gift for our son that's fine, but seriously he's a baby he needs NOTHING.
I know she's not going to listen and again I'll be sending over a huge box of stuff to Salvation Army in January... *sigh*
She knows we prefer practical gifts yet gets us things we don't want or would never use. Seriously what am I going to do in a small apartment with a 3 foot tall purple beaded peacock?! That was the craziest gift ever.
Most of my family is dead so no shopping here. I do remember great Christmases in the past full of gifts and fun times. I hope the folks who do no gifting think about this for a minute!
The SO and I have decided to buy each other some DVD's we have been wanting and that's it!
I'm not a humbug, but I won't buy gifts that are given out of obligation, instead of caring.
My husband and I need nothing. We like to travel, so I'm perfecting content with promises of future trips.
I can't bring myself to shop out of obligation, and I can't imagine receiving gifts that are given with that thought in mind.
A few years ago, I asked those friends and relatives who regularly give me Christmas presents to instead donate to charity - either to one I strongly support, or to one of their choice - instead. If they absolutely can't imagine Christmas without giving me something, I ask that they keep it simple and small, either jokey or something that will get used up, such as nice soap or a candle or cookies, or at least reasonably modest - a good paperback book, CD, scarf, etc.
I still give to a good many people, both family and friends, but try to include an ornament the said charity (which fundraises to assist adoptive parents and advocates for orphans with special needs), provides to donors, to help spread the word and I hope, open others' eyes and hearts. It seems to work well, as at least five people on my Christmas list donated to this charity last year.
I often bake treats for my neighbors for Christmas, depending on how much time I have, but sometimes the treats don't get made and delivered until the first week of the New Year - when they may be more appreciated, anyway. I do try to get similar treats off to faraway family and friends before Christmas, however.
I read somewhere that the average person buys for 11 people and spends about $900 for Christmas Gifts.
So many people I have bought gifts for in the past never said thanks and I suspect the gift ended in the basement.
My mom is the only person I buy anything for anymore. My kids are all in their 50s and I always sent them, and their family, gift cards because they lived so far away. I always had to call and find out if they got them okay. Not to be thanked for them but just to know they hadn't got lost in the mail. If I got a card from them it was all I expected. Anyway, a couple of years ago I decided to not do that anymore. I started buying things for kids and seniors from the Christmas tree at work. I spent my WHOLE Christmas "allowance" on it and it felt good! I know the things I bought will be appreciated and they were specific items they wanted. So that's what I do every year now and everyone is okay with that. If they weren't I wouldn't care.
Gifts that end up in basements are usually the ones received from people who don't know us very well, what our interests are or what we'd like. Obligatory last minute gifts, usually.
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