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Now that Thanksgiving Weekend is over, my wife and I will spend the rest of December online and at the mall spending money on presents for relatives we have a strained and distant relationship with.
Why do we do it? We don't want to make waves and it is expected and is easier than the anger we would have to endure by the few relatives we like. If we did not show up with gifts for everyone, the air would be sucked out of the room and people would gossip, give us the silent treatment and I would never hear the end of it for months afterwards.
The other Aunts and Uncles are in a spending competition with each other seeing how much they can spend on their nieces and nephews. They want to buy their love through gifts. The nieces and nephews don't give us Aunts and Uncles the time of day except when they are forced to say thank you for the gifts, they don't seem so impressed with.
Tell us about your gift giving for Christmas. How many people do you buy gifts for? Do they say thank you sincerely? How much do you spend? Is the process enjoyable for you? Or do you buy things just to keep the relatives happy?
My parents and my husband and I have opted out of the gift exchange. My gosh, if we want something, we just go buy it. None of us wants gifts from anyone else, and if we do the gift card thing, all we're doing is passing the same $50 around. It's ridiculous. We'd rather just share a meal and watch the kids open presents.
So - we're buying for seven grandkids and five adult kids. With the adult kids, we usually just give a gift card to a favorite restaurant or store, though we usually include some small personal gift with the card. With the kids, we coordinate with the parents. Sometimes they want people to combine $$$ for one big gift and sometimes we do smaller separate gifts. It's all good!
I will be buying for my parents and maybe one set of grandparents. Other folks will get a Christmas card. I am certainly not in a spending competition with anyone and think those who are need to have their heads examined.
Small presents for everyone here. I keep an eye out on things which come up during conversations. MIL actually liked tiny cast iron pans at WorldMarket for individual corn bread and she will find them under the tree. Dinner guests Saturday will have boxes with nice plush blankets relating to the ladies personalities/life styles from bird dogs to fluorescent pink and the men some special new flash lights SO is in love with. Gift cards are a no. They seem almost as tacky as the check exchange.
Break the cycle.
Tell us about your gift giving for Christmas. How many people do you buy gifts for? Do they say thank you sincerely? How much do you spend? Is the process enjoyable for you? Or do you buy things just to keep the relatives happy?
Zero. Zero, zero, O Most Glorious Flying Spaghetti Monster, this year I am buying absolutely NOTHING for anyone, and I will be saving close to $1,000 in the process. I will put about $50 of that toward a box of toys for my pet, and another $100 split between four charities, and the rest I am socking away toward new furniture when I move.
My sisters and I don't exchange, and I stopped giving gifts of all kinds (birthdays, etc.) to nieces and nephews when I would have to track them down and ask if they were received. (Parents, teach your kids the art of acknowledgement and gratitude, will you?) Also, there was this little bit of "Well, we're all just buying for the kids." Uh, yeah, I don't have any kids. You buying for my pet, then?
I will say that in the past, yes, shopping was enjoyable for me, up until the last few years. But my ex and his family had an obnoxious habit of just telling each other what they wanted, and expecting everyone else to do the same. They would just send each other links to items they picked out, and the givers were expected to just slap their cards down on it.
And honestly? That's just boring and alienating. For me, the best part about gift-giving is knowing someone well enough to know the person's tastes and needs, or picking out a treat they would really enjoy but would never spend the money on, themselves. I got my ex a beautiful print for his birthday last December, the first one off the press of a very limited edition, signed by the artist. When he saw the box, he made a sarcastic comment, like, "It's okay, I didn't really want a blender."
Oh, I got him a blender as one of his Christmas gifts, all right. But he's lucky I'm not Lorena Bobbitt, is all I'm saying.
On my husband's side, there are 3 adult brothers, all married and with 8 kids between them.
As the kids have gotten older, we all decided to have 1 kid from each family take a turn each year choosing a charity to which we all donate. The designated child that year puts on a presentation at Thanksgiving to explain the charity to the family. It has been fun to see what the kids' choose since they range in age from 11 to college.
We all buy gifts for the grandparents and spend the holiday catching up, playing games or doing something fun in town.
Now that Thanksgiving Weekend is over, my wife and I will spend the rest of December online and at the mall spending money on presents for relatives we have a strained and distant relationship with.
Why do we do it? We don't want to make waves and it is expected and is easier than the anger we would have to endure by the few relatives we like. If we did not show up with gifts for everyone, the air would be sucked out of the room and people would gossip, give us the silent treatment and I would never hear the end of it for months afterwards.
The other Aunts and Uncles are in a spending competition with each other seeing how much they can spend on their nieces and nephews. They want to buy their love through gifts. The nieces and nephews don't give us Aunts and Uncles the time of day except when they are forced to say thank you for the gifts, they don't seem so impressed with.
Tell us about your gift giving for Christmas. How many people do you buy gifts for? Do they say thank you sincerely? How much do you spend? Is the process enjoyable for you? Or do you buy things just to keep the relatives happy?
I would stick to cookies and other edibles for adult relatives. I'd give each niece and nephew a crisp $10 bill (or whatever you find affordable). They can buy what they like. No shopping involved. I don't care if it's tacky. The materialism that consumes so many people at Christmas time is way more tacky. I'm a fan of simplifying and taking away as much stress as possible.
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