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The one I went to did interest me. As I said there was a lot of people there but everyone (or close) had a partner except me. I spent a few hours one day looking at the meetups and the ones I was interested in were not well attended.
I don't enjoy going to movies or drinking alcohol so my social skills are in need of help? There is nothing wrong with my social skills. You are assuming way too much about me and little of it is true.
It's different for you because you cannot relate to what it is like to being introverted.
Too late on the depression. I'm probably already there. That's the one thing you may be correct on. I was laid off recently and can't find a gainful employment job. I live alone and currently have zero people contact, except a trip to the store. I have no health insurance so even a regular doctors visit will have to be weighed carefully.
Sounds like you assumed way too much about me, too. Not only am I introverted (if you don't believe me, believe my Myers-Briggs test scores), I also have suffered from clinical depression since I was a teenager, so it's not my nature to be sociable. In fact, that's how I became an alcoholic. I force myself to get out and engage in group activities, though, because otherwise I would isolate. While that would be far easier for me, it would make my depression far worse.
I make myself go out and do something with other people three times a week to supplement my medication ... whether or not I feel like it. I "act as if," as they taught me in AA.
I'm sorry you lost your job; I know just what that feels like. My last three employers all took leave of me. One broke up its units and sold itself off to other companies; one sold out to a far larger firm that laid off all the employees, and the third one declared bankruptcy after I'd been there only two years. I got glowing references from all those places, but I was just as unemployed as people who are fired for cause. So I feel you pain AND I know what it's like not to have health insurance.
If you need treatment for your depression and you don't have COBRA (seriously, who can afford that?), call the intake/assessment desk of the nearest psychiatric facility. They can often direct you to outpatient community programs that help un- or under-insured people with mental health issues. In most places there is as much, if not more, free help available for people with mental health problems than with physical health problems. I get my meds for $8 a month and I found out that people with depression also have very low levels of Vitamin D, so you might need supplements for that, too.
I think it's easy to make generic suggestions on where to meet people but the truth is, society just isn't as social as it once was so meeting people has become a difficult chore. When it comes to meeting someone whom you really get along with, that does not happen often, and when it does, it's always happenstance. There isn't a rhyme or a reason as to where you can go to meet people who would be most compatible to you...it happens when it happens and it's organic; instant rapport.
I met my best friend in college...however, we've NEVER had a class together and she's 7 years older than me. By those 2 pieces of information, logically speaking, we probably wouldn't have run into each other. But we did. I was in the math tutoring center at 17 yrs old working on my calculus homework. She had the same class that I had, but on a different day. That one day we met, she walked in and took a seat across me and noticed the hat I had placed on the table (I did that for a costuming class) and put that on and started blabbing to me. She felt comfortable with me. Most people would be very annoyed by someone like her who overstep their boundaries like that. But no, I liked it cuz she made me laugh. I'm an intense person, and I LOVE intense people and she's pretty intense. Me and her just automatically clicked and we've been inseparable (except we live in different states) for over 10 years. I'm her daughter's god-mother.
Sometimes it's easier to meet people in areas where there are less people. If you're in a metropolitan area, there's usually such a density of people that everyone sort of ignores everyone else. Move or visit a small town and all of a sudden everyone will be talking to you and know you. Pick a town with a population of less than 2,500 and move there for six months. Pick a walkable town and try to walk to all your errands and appointments. You'll meet lots of people.
OMG me too. I have people at work I go to lunch with, "hang out" at work with, etc but sometimes I want to go out and do stuff with someone else. I do a lot of "out and about" activities alone. I think i've had the best hang out friends in my teens, after that not so much.
I do belong to a gym though (that I need to start going back to LOL) and that was a pretty good place to meet people. Maybe you could try something like that OP. There are also have running clubs (I did a 12 week training session for $65). The group met Tue/Thu after work and Saturday morning. Some of the running clubs meet up after their runs at a nice bar and grill, so everyone is heading there as a group.
I know I have to get off my azz and make an effort. It's really easy to go straight home, chill and zone out in front of Netflix but i'm sure not meeting anybody that way
I also don't want to go the online route, what with all the catfishing out there.
If you get along with the people you meet at your gym, you should stick with it.
I was close to the owner and some of the most consistent members of a small, private gym I went to in Hollywood (they closed down after I had been going there for a year) and we use to pool money to buy lotto tickets together. There really wasn't a whole lot of people there that I met whom didn't get along with so that was pretty nice. After that gym closed, we all split up and I joined a bigger gym- 24 hr fitness. Anyway, because of my flexible membership, I was able to workout at various locations 24 hr a day so I came at random hours and days (usually late night)- basically whenever I felt like it as long as I went 3-4x a week. But that made it hard for me to form a group of friends from the gym and so I never found another group of people at the gym that were as cool as the people I met at that little Hollywood gym that closed down.
Sometimes it's easier to meet people in areas where there are less people. If you're in a metropolitan area, there's usually such a density of people that everyone sort of ignores everyone else. Move or visit a small town and all of a sudden everyone will be talking to you and know you. Pick a town with a population of less than 2,500 and move there for six months. Pick a walkable town and try to walk to all your errands and appointments. You'll meet lots of people.
I think that's not a sure way on meeting people, either. Some people are the type that would get along with those who are from a small town and some people are the type that would get along with those who are from a big city.
All the close friends I've made were met in big cities and they were all raised in big cities, too. I've always been a city girl, and I get along with those who are from big places because they understand what it's like to grow up fast and to know a lot more at an early age. Experience does shape a person. When you get people who have experienced a lot (like those from big cities) and you place them in a small town, it's not likely to be successful. The small town would be suspicious and judgmental towards the city person, and the city person would have nothing in common with provincial people. That's exactly what I'm going through with my current living situation. The "city" I'm in isn't a small town in population size, but it's still got small town mentality and lacks all the major points of what makes a big city BIG. I fare well with those are from big cities and have lived in them as they've got more in common with me.
It seems difficult. People are already satisfied with their current circle of friends once you're in your 30s.
I literally have zero friends.
That hasn't been my experience at all. I'm in my late 40s and I'm still making friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE
I have lots of friends. Never knew it was that hard to meet people. Don't you talk to people when you go out?
Exactly! I have a car, but unless I have to run errands after work I usually take the bus and only use my car on the weekends. I met my latest friend only 2 months ago. I bought some homemade pasteles (puerto rican version of tamales) from someone on another floor from my work place and this other lady in a very friendly manner kept asking me how did those pasteles taste.
Later on because my work schedule changed, I started to always see her on the bus. We started talking and found out we both love to cook and attend ethnic and cultural events such as the Greek Festival, Thai Festival, etc., etc.. Today she gave me a fresh loaf of bread that she baked last night, plus 2 homemade mango muffins with chopped almonds and walnuts in them. YUM!
She's going to retire this month after working more than 30 years with the feds. We exchanged phone numbers and will likely get together from time to time on the weekends when I'm off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by John13
I don't enjoy going to movies or drinking alcohol so my social skills are in need of help? There is nothing wrong with my social skills. You are assuming way too much about me and little of it is true.
It's different for you because you cannot relate to what it is like to being introverted.
Too late on the depression. I'm probably already there. That's the one thing you may be correct on. I was laid off recently and can't find a gainful employment job. I live alone and currently have zero people contact, except a trip to the store. I have no health insurance so even a regular doctors visit will have to be weighed carefully.
I do enjoy going to movies with friends and I used to love going out to the bars and drinking alcohol. LOL! Now that I'm older, I notice my body doesn't metabolize alcohol in same way it did when I was younger. So I laying off the booze nowadays. LOL.
Sorry to hear about you being laid off. I hope you find a job soon with medical insurance benefits. It's hard to upbeat and positive when your in the situation your in and attract possible friends since most people seem to be drawn to other people who appear to be happy, confident, outgoing and friendly.
Sometimes it's easier to meet people in areas where there are less people. If you're in a metropolitan area, there's usually such a density of people that everyone sort of ignores everyone else. Move or visit a small town and all of a sudden everyone will be talking to you and know you. Pick a town with a population of less than 2,500 and move there for six months. Pick a walkable town and try to walk to all your errands and appointments. You'll meet lots of people.
Hotzcatz, while I do enjoy reading most of your posts, especially the ones concerning living and working on the Big Island, I disagree with this post.
I've read some of your posts where you have said Honolulu is too crowded and busy. Well, I for one LOVE living in Honolulu! I enjoy the endless variety of eateries, ethnic festivals, cultural events and concerts I can go to. I also enjoy living in a high density place, the only thing I don't enjoy is the traffic which hopefully the train they're building now will alleviate.
One of my best friends used to live on Maui and was a CEO with Maui, Land and Pine. It wasn't her decision, but she had to lay off about 140 workers from the pineapple cannery there. She told me how uncomfortable she felt when she had to go to Costco or Home Depot because she would always run into the same people she was forced to lay off and their relatives. At least in a larger city like Honolulu, you have some anonymity. And on a smaller island such as Molokai where one of her sisters live, the whole island is a huge gossip fest! Everything you do in public becomes public knowledge!
I think I have a lot of friends precisely because I live in a larger city. Don't get me wrong, while I love to visit friends on the Big Island and Maui, after about 2 weeks of vacationing there;I'm definitely ready to come home to Honolulu!
It seems difficult. People are already satisfied with their current circle of friends once you're in your 30s.
I literally have zero friends.
Do you really wish to have friends because you're lonely, miserable, etc., or do you believe that you're just supposed to have friends? If it's the later don't worry; there's no law requiring you to conform.
Sounds like you assumed way too much about me, too. Not only am I introverted (if you don't believe me, believe my Myers-Briggs test scores), I also have suffered from clinical depression since I was a teenager, so it's not my nature to be sociable. In fact, that's how I became an alcoholic. I force myself to get out and engage in group activities, though, because otherwise I would isolate. While that would be far easier for me, it would make my depression far worse.
I make myself go out and do something with other people three times a week to supplement my medication ... whether or not I feel like it. I "act as if," as they taught me in AA.
I'm sorry you lost your job; I know just what that feels like. My last three employers all took leave of me. One broke up its units and sold itself off to other companies; one sold out to a far larger firm that laid off all the employees, and the third one declared bankruptcy after I'd been there only two years. I got glowing references from all those places, but I was just as unemployed as people who are fired for cause. So I feel you pain AND I know what it's like not to have health insurance.
If you need treatment for your depression and you don't have COBRA (seriously, who can afford that?), call the intake/assessment desk of the nearest psychiatric facility. They can often direct you to outpatient community programs that help un- or under-insured people with mental health issues. In most places there is as much, if not more, free help available for people with mental health problems than with physical health problems. I get my meds for $8 a month and I found out that people with depression also have very low levels of Vitamin D, so you might need supplements for that, too.
Best of luck.
Thank you. Also who can afford the "Affordable" (ha, ha) Care Act when on Unemployment?
I'm coping.
From the sound of your last post I assumed you were a social butterfly.
Best wishes to you as well.
I do enjoy going to movies with friends and I used to love going out to the bars and drinking alcohol. LOL! Now that I'm older, I notice my body doesn't metabolize alcohol in same way it did when I was younger. So I laying off the booze nowadays. LOL.
Sorry to hear about you being laid off. I hope you find a job soon with medical insurance benefits. It's hard to upbeat and positive when your in the situation your in and attract possible friends since most people seem to be drawn to other people who appear to be happy, confident, outgoing and friendly.
Good luck!
Thank you. It's a very bad situation. When one is unemployed even less people want you, especially if you want to date. But I am trying to land work. It's not as easy as some make it out to be.
I don't want too get off topic so I will just mention briefly that did you know staffing agency's are exempt from the ACA? And that's pretty much the trend and most of what's out there. I am not optimistic of getting health insurance at this time.
Except for a very occasional microbrew I shun alcohol.
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That hasn't been my experience at all...
