Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm 22 and feel like I have a decent sized group of friends, and I get along with them well when we hang out but I'm only really close to one or two of them. I'll see the others every so often when we hang out in a larger group, but they also do stuff just with each other sometimes and don't invite me which bothers me a little bit. Though I know I shouldn't expect them to invite me every time they do something.
And it's probably partly my fault as well, I tend to wait for people to plan something rather than initiating something.
Any advice or suggestions on how I can get to be more part of the group?
I'm 22 and feel like I have a decent sized group of friends, and I get along with them well when we hang out but I'm only really close to one or two of them. I'll see the others every so often when we hang out in a larger group, but they also do stuff just with each other sometimes and don't invite me which bothers me a little bit. Though I know I shouldn't expect them to invite me every time they do something.
And it's probably partly my fault as well, I tend to wait for people to plan something rather than initiating something.
Any advice or suggestions on how I can get to be more part of the group?
THIS EXACTLY DESCRIBES ME TO A "T" with a particular group. How long have you known this group for? What i noticed is that if you're "an outsider," a person who joined this group after the core members have known each other for years, it's really hard to fit in just right. You always may be an outisder.
I known this group for about 6 years. It's a pretty big group and they have alot of gettogethers, alot of them that I'm not invited to or don't attend. What i realize is that not everyone is going to like me, so that prevents me from becoming desperate to fit in with them. I have about two or three people that I'm close to from that group and the rest i label them casual acquaintances-and there's noting wrong with that. Actually, my friends from the group introduced me to another group of people and those new people introduced me to another group of people and so on. In essence, my group of friends have expanded. I met some other great new people from the original friends that I was org. close to in that group. These new found friends appreciate me for me and I no longer worry about fitting in with the old group.
So my advice to you is to stop trying to fit in, because if you known them for a couple of years and you're still not "in" with them, then you're not going to get "in" period. Just take the people you're close to and make friendships out of them and spread out and meet new groups. Know their people and let them know yours.
I had a group of friends for a long time where I felt that way. It later came out that my close friend in the group, she seemed to like things that way because she always had to be the center of attention. Is there perhaps someone in your group that holds your ties to the group, who likes to brag and show off a lot? Maybe a queen bee of sorts?
And it's probably partly my fault as well, I tend to wait for people to plan something rather than initiating something.
This may be a key to the problem. I don't know that it definitely is; I don't know you or your friends. But it popped out for me.
If you don't come up with ideas, and instead just hang around waiting to be invited, it's possible they think you're not into them - not the other way around. They may feel like they're dragging you places. It just won't feel like a real friendship/real bond that way.
Do you at least call your friends? Initiate contact?
I have a "friend" who is ALWAYS "too busy" to hang out. I have invited her over and over again to various things. She is never available. Or, well, to be fair, not never...but a good 80% of the time, I'd say. It makes me feel she doesn't want to be with me. What other possibility is there? Every single thing I've invited her to has been something I KNOW she likes and often involves all our kids.
Meanwhile, we are Facebook friends, and any time I mention my best friend, or tag a bunch of people in a post, she'll post, "What about me? My feelings are hurt."
Um...
(And yes, at this point, I have stopped inviting her to anything. I pretty much know she's not going to come and if she does, she's dragging herself there, so what fun is that for either of us?)
Like my kindergarten teacher said: If you want a friend, be a friend.
So my advice to you is to stop trying to fit in, because if you known them for a couple of years and you're still not "in" with them, then you're not going to get "in" period. Just take the people you're close to and make friendships out of them and spread out and meet new groups. Know their people and let them know yours.
THIS EXACTLY DESCRIBES ME TO A "T" with a particular group. How long have you known this group for? What i noticed is that if you're "an outsider," a person who joined this group after the core members have known each other for years, it's really hard to fit in just right. You always may be an outisder.
I've known most of them for 2-3 years from college. Now we're graduated but live in the same area. I definitely get what you mean about having my social circle expand, most of these people I met through another friend and sometimes I feel like I'm just a "friend of a friend". Though recently I have hung out with more often so it does seem like I'm getting a little closer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Like my kindergarten teacher said: If you want a friend, be a friend.
This seems like good advice, I could definitely be better about contacting them. We talk on facebook occasionally but not super often. I'll try to make an effort to reach out to them more. That's something I've always been bad about in friendships....
It is possible that they just aren't your people? Do you click well and enjoy spending time with them?
It does sound like this is about reciprocation in this case. If you never invite people to do things, they may assume that you would rather not see them. I like your plan to reach out more!
Happened to me some years ago. I just got to where I didn't hang out with them as much (fewer and fewer). Eventually I just dropped them from my social circle. Not to say that I was better than they were, but comes a time when you have to move forward. You're 22, you're very young. You'll find a new circle of friends!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
