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whatsgoingon4, I've had the same kind of life as you...never made many friends in life...1 or 2, mostly back in college. People always seem to have their grp of friends already, no matter where I was (church, school, work, etc.) so they didn't care to get to know me well.
I have ZERO close friends. The 2 I had died at 21 or moved away & stayed there. I have a semi-good friend. We see each other about once a year, if even that. We text or email every few months though. We never talk on the phone.
I just have my boyfriend, that's it. I'm an only child, so it's just my parents & I. They live about 10 min away from me.
So I live a pretty solitary life. That's just how it is.
I've never been good a making friends. I really think though, that school and college are the best years to make them. You are around people your age with similar interests. After school, it's hard to find people with like interests.
I have only two people now who I consider close friends. One of these friendships I think is about to drift away. We were mainly friends because activities in life made it easy for us to hang out every week. Now that we don't have that in common, and their schedule is so weird, we hang out less than once a month.
My other close friend I still hang out with weekly. But we don't hang out nearly as much as we did until now.
I've tried to figure out how to meet people, but I can't. Where I live there are no real social places to meet people. I don't think you can just meet people in a store, the mall, or restaurant and make friends that way. And when people go to events I don't think they're doing it to make friends. I was caught off guard when I was in Walmart a few weeks ago and someone said "Hi, how are you?" I was trying to figure out if I knew them. It's just not something I expect.
Also, it could possibly be me that is the problem. I'm not popular, loud or outgoing, qualities that make it easy to make friends.
I just miss actually going places out of town and doing things like I did in college. I don't mind being by myself so much, but week in and week out of just going home every weekend gets old. Friday nights I just wander around stores by myself, and maybe eat out with my one friend. It just gets lonely after awhile.
why do you need someone to do things with? Go by yourself!
Yanno, many years ago, when I was a kid, a bunch of us always talked about going here or there, and everyone wanted to go and said, "oh yeah, I'm going". But when the day came, everyone would back out. So, there I was standing alone, and stayed home b/c no one wanted to go, until one day and said, "this is rediculus, I'm missing out on life, b/c I fear going by myself, and that was the end of that tune.
I've never been good a making friends. I really think though, that school and college are the best years to make them. You are around people your age with similar interests. After school, it's hard to find people with like interests.
I have only two people now who I consider close friends. One of these friendships I think is about to drift away. We were mainly friends because activities in life made it easy for us to hang out every week. Now that we don't have that in common, and their schedule is so weird, we hang out less than once a month.
My other close friend I still hang out with weekly. But we don't hang out nearly as much as we did until now.
I've tried to figure out how to meet people, but I can't. Where I live there are no real social places to meet people. I don't think you can just meet people in a store, the mall, or restaurant and make friends that way. And when people go to events I don't think they're doing it to make friends. I was caught off guard when I was in Walmart a few weeks ago and someone said "Hi, how are you?" I was trying to figure out if I knew them. It's just not something I expect.
Also, it could possibly be me that is the problem. I'm not popular, loud or outgoing, qualities that make it easy to make friends.
I just miss actually going places out of town and doing things like I did in college. I don't mind being by myself so much, but week in and week out of just going home every weekend gets old. Friday nights I just wander around stores by myself, and maybe eat out with my one friend. It just gets lonely after awhile.
I feel the exact opposite. I have one close friend from elementary school and one I met the second day of college, but all my other close friends are within the last 10-15 years and I'm now 42.
I find you're friends situationally because you attend the same school/classes, not necessarily because you truly have other things in common. In your youth, you have not yet developed into the adult you're going to be and haven't had all the opportunities to explore interests and broaden your horizons that comes with adulthood and new experiences due to jobs and living accommodations.
I am not loud or outgoing and I also don't believe it's necessary to be that way to make friends. If that's not who you are, you're not going to look for those types to be friends with. You've made a lot of pre-determinations about the places you think you can or cannot make friends. That's your stumbling block right there. New friends can be found just about anywhere, if you make the effort to observe, speak and connect, IMO.
Have you looked into Meetup.com? Worked for me. Big time.
It sounds like the OP is looking to make real friends, Meetup is more for people who are looking to not go to events alone, but for the most part aren't interested in forming real friendships.
Example, a Meetup bike riding group. They get together to ride, but no one wants to hang out for coffee afterwards.
While it is possible to make real friends through Meetup it also attracts a lot of flaky types who equate running around to 2 Meetup events in one day as being popular, when in reality they have no interest in forming real relationships.
Kind of like thinking have 300 Facebook friends make you popular.
It's pretty superficial, and I think the OP is looking for more.
I would suggest volunteering or a club that has regular members. Something like the same Meetup group can attract different people at each event, making it even more harder to connect with people.
It sounds like the OP is looking to make real friends, Meetup is more for people who are looking to not go to events alone, but for the most part aren't interested in forming real friendships.
Example, a Meetup bike riding group. They get together to ride, but no one wants to hang out for coffee afterwards.
While it is possible to make real friends through Meetup it also attracts a lot of flaky types who equate running around to 2 Meetup events in one day as being popular, when in reality they have no interest in forming real relationships.
Kind of like thinking have 300 Facebook friends make you popular.
It's pretty superficial, and I think the OP is looking for more.
I would suggest volunteering or a club that has regular members. Something like the same Meetup group can attract different people at each event, making it even more harder to connect with people.
I like what you're saying! I've posted on here and/or other boards about not having friends really & someone always brings up MeetUp, but what you're saying about it above is logical.
I guess because MeetUp is one of the best suggestions to meet people in which one hopefully makes a friend or two out of it.
I think it boils down to the town you live in more than the state you live in. For instance, I have lived in lots of states and several towns within those states, including several areas and cities in Texas. The smaller the town, the more difficult it is for me to make friends. The larger the town, the easier it is.
I live in a mid size city in Texas now and have no trouble making and keeping friends.
I've never been good a making friends. I really think though, that school and college are the best years to make them. You are around people your age with similar interests. After school, it's hard to find people with like interests.
I have only two people now who I consider close friends. One of these friendships I think is about to drift away. We were mainly friends because activities in life made it easy for us to hang out every week. Now that we don't have that in common, and their schedule is so weird, we hang out less than once a month.
My other close friend I still hang out with weekly. But we don't hang out nearly as much as we did until now.
I've tried to figure out how to meet people, but I can't. Where I live there are no real social places to meet people. I don't think you can just meet people in a store, the mall, or restaurant and make friends that way. And when people go to events I don't think they're doing it to make friends. I was caught off guard when I was in Walmart a few weeks ago and someone said "Hi, how are you?" I was trying to figure out if I knew them. It's just not something I expect.
Also, it could possibly be me that is the problem. I'm not popular, loud or outgoing, qualities that make it easy to make friends.
I just miss actually going places out of town and doing things like I did in college. I don't mind being by myself so much, but week in and week out of just going home every weekend gets old. Friday nights I just wander around stores by myself, and maybe eat out with my one friend. It just gets lonely after awhile.
There are tons of opportunities to meet people. I have moved very often and on every place I made and left friends. And I didn't go to school with any of them. I am 38 now and still make new friends. I am not even loud and funny. I am an introvert. Some people like quiet people, no kidding. I am appreciated around my friends and some loud friends like to have me around to keep the balance. They need a listener and they keep me from getting too boring. The world can't exist with only loud party animals. They need an audience as well.
1. Volunteer. With animals/church/food bank/good will
2. meetup.com. Go to events
3. If you have a dog, go to the dog park
4. at work
5. pick up a sport and join a club.
6. gym (take classes)
7. Take college classes for fun (cooking/sewing/language/painting)
9. Get a part time job where you can work with and meet people (example: Retail)
10. Craiglist. Look at the ads for seminars on well being/group exercises, etc. (just dont answer the creepy ones)
We made some great friends by joining backpacking groups. Sitting around the campfire at night dissolves many barriers and, along with the shared hiking experience, builds relationships with people I would normally not connect with...
I agree that your best bet is shared activities. Where I live, all the women want to do is babysit their grandchildren, shop, or eat out. I'm into a more active lifestyle (single/childless by choice) and actually prefer men friends, so I've found hiking groups, etc., to be the answer or at least to provide some company out in the wilderness. Beware that some view "Meetups" as "Hookups"...
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