Guy friend never wants to hang out alone? (female, male, person)
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I have a guy friend whom I'm really close with. I'm the type of person to only want a few close friends while he's the type of person who's friends with basically everyone. Every time I ask if he wants to hang out: grab lunch, see a play or movie, etc. etc. he *always* says he's too busy. Which he legitimately is an extremely busy person, but they always say if someone wants to hang out with you they'll make time, right? Also, he never tries to make plans with me. I'm always the one trying to make plans. 99% of the time he shoots them down saying he's busy. He does give an actual reason though not just saying "I'm busy." I've asked him if he even wants to hang out with me, and he said not to worry and pretty much said I'm fine to keep asking. However, he hangs out with other friends one-on-one; even female friends.
Thing is though, he doesn't mind hanging out with me if it's in a group setting. For example, I asked him the other day if he'd want to catch this new movie coming out, and he responded, "That'd be a great thing for us to grab some other friends and go as a group." I don't mind hanging out in a group, but at the same time, I'd like to hang out with my friend one-on-one. So, it's kind of hurtful that he doesn't find time or make time for us to just hang out by ourselves.
Why do you think he only likes to hang out in a group? By the way, there's no chance of either of us wanting something romantically.
Last edited by CaptainCode; 12-19-2014 at 06:46 PM..
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Why do you think he only likes to hang out in a group? By the way, there's no chance of either of us wanting something romantically.
The other female friends he hangs out with probably are of interest to him (romantically) and so he will do the one-on-one with them. With you, maybe he also recognizes there's no chance that the two of you could connect romantically and, therefore, figures, "What's the point?" Especially since he's really busy, it makes more sense to spend one hour with 20 friends than one hour with one friend.
[you did say he is friends with basically everyone]
Maybe he associates a male and female hanging out together as dating...and he doesn't want to do it. Respect his boundaries.
OP:
That is very good advice.
Here is why.
Friendship That Invites Confusion and Frustration
Enjoying the Convenient, Delaying the Good
Three levels of friendships: acquaintances, companions and intimate friends. Men and women cannot sustain an intimate friendship without one or the other harboring romantic expectations. Men and women are wired differently.
When a man or a woman indicates he or she would like to see you as more than a companion, but claims the two of you are "just friends," he or she sends a mixed message. If either one of you are not romantically interested in each other, then it is best not to hang out alone.
One party can selfishly enjoy all the benefits of a relationship, the warmth and relief from loneliness, the satisfaction of the attention that feeds the ego — all without the accompanying commitment. One party luxuriates, while the other party feels cheated and is left with deep unsatisfied longings.
Can't tell if your a dude or not, based on your masculine sounding screen name I'd put you as a man... if so I've never seen a straight dude act like your acting...so I hope you're a female.. and if you're a female then you're still coming off as needy and clearly wanting more than being a friend....
I think some introspection on what you really want from this dude is in order......
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