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Yeaaaa, because going to a tourist trap like Vegas, Miami, NYC, etc and doing something that your average Joe traveler can do, is sooooo much more rewarding than exploring new territory totally under your own power
Ummmm...........no!
I'll stick with the places few ever get to see and avoid the herd mentality.
Unfortunately, I have been everywhere in Canada besides BC, which is probably the only part worth visiting.
It's not exactly new territory if there's already a landing strip there.
Sometimes the path less traveled is less traveled for a reason...
I don't think whatever discrimination the OP is enduring has to do with his marital status. The only example I can think of is that singles are often expected to be the one to work holidays and they can't call in sick because of their children's illness, but that goes for single women as well. There may be other reasons for being discriminated against, but singlehood isn't the problem. I do know that when I was single, it seemed like everyone else was "a couple". Now that I'm married, I look around and see so many single people. It's just perception, not reality.
My hubby was a "confirmed bachelor" until he was 43, we moved in together when he was 46, and we were married when he was 51. (A guy that dates a woman for 8 years and then marries her, now THAT's a unicorn!) He thoroughly enjoyed the attention he got as a single man at work. Former girlfriends and the ladies at work (married and single) were always setting him up on dates, cooking treats for him, bringing him home-cooked meals, asking his advice on "guy topics", etc. Because of his nature (a good listener, and a willing helper) they saw him as someone that they trusted to help them with personal issues and were frequently calling him to talk. After we started to date I actually had to put limits on this as they would call him to cry on his shoulder or complain about work while we were on a date!
OP, I think that you might do well with a therapist to help you get to the bottom of whatever is really at work here. I suspect that it is either low self-esteem, or just not clearly reading what it is that others are finding off-putting about you (maybe some cultural bias??) and that you are reading as discrimination. There is certainly no "brutal discrimination" against single men, as a group, in our society that I have ever observed.
Obviously your husband was one of the few lucky single men that had nothing but positive experience being single. Some men do have all the luck, I suppose. I'm happy for you that you'd got such rare find. But please don't assume that every single man shares the same experience, there are far too many out there who are not so fortunate. Perhaps they are not in your proximity for observation, and exist in a different kind of society, but they are there being treated unfairly.
However, people really shouldn't immediately jump to a wrong conclusion that they must have some negative personal issues which require therapy, or there must be something "off-putting" about them that somehow makes them feel that way, or that the world out there is totally fair and perfect, so whatever problem this particular group of people is experiencing is therefore all in their heads and not real, which suggests that it is all their fault and they deserve to be treated poorly.
This is exactly the kind of social problem I'm referring to, which is clearly demonstrated here. People who are unaware of it, or haven't experienced it first hand, almost always casually dismiss the whole thing, and just blame it on those who are suffering from it. Why is that? Why can't they acknowledge the problem and help find a solution? Just because someone is not familiar with a problem doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
Sorry, TheShadow. I don't mean to put you on a spot, but your comment helps to illustrate my point.
Single men are being harshly discriminated by society not just in social situation but also in work environment, especially when they are at an age which they "should have been" married with children. If still not, then they will most likely be perceived almost automatically as "not interested in the opposite sex", "having issues with women", "having problem with commitment", "antisocial", somehow mysteriously dangerous to people, perhaps "having mental issues" or worse, God forbid, having some really sinister fetish. In short, a terrible social outcast in the eyes of the married majority.
Tragic enough, single men with a promiscuous life style, a womanizer in other words, would be letting off the hook much easier. People would simply think that "he doesn't want to settle down yet and just want to have some more fun with girls". Unfortunately, it is the quiet single men who try to lead a clean and morally pure life that seem to get all the abuses, for people would misjudge them and think that "he is not acting normal", "he must be hiding something", " something must be seriously wrong with him", or "he must be one of those XXX (whatever the worst kind of offenders one can think of)", etc.
In a work environment, thing is just as worse for single men. They are more often not being taken seriously, as they are perceived by their married colleagues and supervisors unjustly as being "immature", "not yet a man", "having problem with commitment", "unable to handle big responsibility", "still sitting on the fence", etc. Male colleagues would think of them as homosexuals (mind you, I'm not homophobic), while female colleagues would think of them as some kind of devious creeps who are probably having some twisted fantasies of them.
Such is the poor reality for many single men out there. It is incredibly difficult to be a single man these day without being brutally discriminated, worse still for a middle-age single man. There are so much prejudices and injustice toward this particular group of people. However, I've notice that things are much different for single women. I'm not suggesting that they too should receive the same abuses as that endured by single men. I find that society in general is being grossly unfair toward the male sex when it comes to marry status.
I also find that today society is far more closed mind and oppressive. Herd mentality has sadly overtaken the brilliance of individual mind that allows the society to flourish in the first place. Individuality is constantly being suppressed and punished as if people were afraid of it. People are exceedingly terrified of being criticized publicly for having their own thoughts and opinions, so much so that they would deliberately prefer to self-censor themselves rather than expressing truthfully. This is especially true in a small city where people are living in clusters and cross-influencing each other dramatically.
Anyway, back to the problem of being a single man. Why are they being discriminated so unjustly? Why the abuses? I just don't get it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Crusoe
Being single is not a disease, not a mental illness, nor is it a crime. The married majority of the society, especially those with children who think they are so mature and grown-up, shouldn't really paint all singletons in black with a broad stroke of discrimination. Not all singletons want to be single. Some have no choice but to remain single for various reasons, health issue for example.
Singletons are not bad persons. Why are they almost always perceived as suspicious, dangerous and potential trouble makers by simply being alone or quiet? I suppose ignorance spreads fear and creates paranoid. This is especially true in a close-minded and oppressive society, where people are more easily to be manipulated and cross-influenced by each other, and where herd mentality runs wild. It seems there is no shortage of fear mongers within that kind of society.
No, this is not "in my head", nor is it an "issue of self-confidence". This is really happening out there, though fortunately not in every society in the world, just some of the over-traditional and backward thinking ones. This wouldn't happen in a progressive and truly modernized society, where people's mind are occupied with far more important things than paying attention to singletons, or worrying what they are doing and how they live their lives.
Maybe you should try being a little less "clean and morally pure" and a bit more human, you have some serious problems. I'm a mid thirties single guy and I have never felt discriminated against.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkpunk
Being a single individual let alone a single man is tough. No kids, you don't have tax breaks and you don't have a readymade way to not work (recitals, dances, boy scouts, etc.) based on kid schedules. Then throw in societal views of being a spinster or permanent bachelor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jwiley
I have never heard of anybody getting extra holiday time or sick days for having children, and while the tax breaks are nice, fact is they are nowhere near the costs to raise a child.
I have no kids but also have no problems with parents having tax breaks or a day off here and there to go watch the kid's recital. My life as a single guy is so much better than theirs already, I don't see why they can't have a few perks (don't know if I consider missing work to go watch some school play a perk though), and like jwiley said, tax breaks are nice but nowhere near the cost of raising a child. We, as a society, need people to have kids, so nope, I have no problem with that.
To the OP, maybe you already mentioned this and I missed it, but do you have a girlfriend?
Maybe you should try being a little less "clean and morally pure" and a bit more human, you have some serious problems. I'm a mid thirties single guy and I have never felt discriminated against.
I have no kids but also have no problems with parents having tax breaks or a day off here and there to go watch the kid's recital. My life as a single guy is so much better than theirs already, I don't see why they can't have a few perks (don't know if I consider missing work to go watch some school play a perk though), and like jwiley said, tax breaks are nice but nowhere near the cost of raising a child. We, as a society, need people to have kids, so nope, I have no problem with that.
To the OP, maybe you already mentioned this and I missed it, but do you have a girlfriend?
When you factor in childcare costs, food, and clothing, the extra money someone with kids get all balances out at the end.
I haven't felt discriminated against but I am always amazed at how ignorant people can be about how single men live. To hear some people talk you would think I have no bills, no responsibility, I should be happy working for peanuts, I have no ability to cook or clean, and I'm entertained every minute I'm not asleep or at work.
Single men are being harshly discriminated by society not just in social situation but also in work environment, especially when they are at an age which they "should have been" married with children. If still not, then they will most likely be perceived almost automatically as "not interested in the opposite sex", "having issues with women", "having problem with commitment", "antisocial", somehow mysteriously dangerous to people, perhaps "having mental issues" or worse, God forbid, having some really sinister fetish. In short, a terrible social outcast in the eyes of the married majority.
Tragic enough, single men with a promiscuous life style, a womanizer in other words, would be letting off the hook much easier. People would simply think that "he doesn't want to settle down yet and just want to have some more fun with girls". Unfortunately, it is the quiet single men who try to lead a clean and morally pure life that seem to get all the abuses, for people would misjudge them and think that "he is not acting normal", "he must be hiding something", " something must be seriously wrong with him", or "he must be one of those XXX (whatever the worst kind of offenders one can think of)", etc.
In a work environment, thing is just as worse for single men. They are more often not being taken seriously, as they are perceived by their married colleagues and supervisors unjustly as being "immature", "not yet a man", "having problem with commitment", "unable to handle big responsibility", "still sitting on the fence", etc. Male colleagues would think of them as homosexuals (mind you, I'm not homophobic), while female colleagues would think of them as some kind of devious creeps who are probably having some twisted fantasies of them.
Such is the poor reality for many single men out there. It is incredibly difficult to be a single man these day without being brutally discriminated, worse still for a middle-age single man. There are so much prejudices and injustice toward this particular group of people. However, I've notice that things are much different for single women. I'm not suggesting that they too should receive the same abuses as that endured by single men. I find that society in general is being grossly unfair toward the male sex when it comes to marry status.
I also find that today society is far more closed mind and oppressive. Herd mentality has sadly overtaken the brilliance of individual mind that allows the society to flourish in the first place. Individuality is constantly being suppressed and punished as if people were afraid of it. People are exceedingly terrified of being criticized publicly for having their own thoughts and opinions, so much so that they would deliberately prefer to self-censor themselves rather than expressing truthfully. This is especially true in a small city where people are living in clusters and cross-influencing each other dramatically.
Anyway, back to the problem of being a single man. Why are they being discriminated so unjustly? Why the abuses? I just don't get it.
I've been single and unattatched for 30+ years of my adult life including now.
I cannot relate to any of this because I have never experienced what I bolded. I should mention that I spent most of my work career working with large groups of people in high rise office buildings. I do not know where you are getting this from. No discrimination (except higher taxes from the government) and certainly no abuses. Not that I would care but I never once was accused of being gay either.
Apparently you are just a very paranoid person because based on my experience all of this is in your head.
Happend to me constantly at my old job. I was the only male in the department and was single. So they would tell me I should come in early and stay late just because of that. I had and still do have many outside interests that definitely did not involve working really long hours there at a job that was not going anywhere.
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