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Your mom sounds like my mom. I bet what your mom really wants is for you to live in her house forever, to keep her company now and then to help her when she's old. That's how my mom was. Even after I got married, she used to try to bribe me to move back to her house. She would still like me to live with her. I would live in a cardboard box under a bridge before I'd ever move back to my mother's house.
I don't think your post is really all about what to wear on Christmas, or the visit to your aunt. I think you're looking at your life right now, taking stock of things to mark the passing of another year, and wondering how to get from where you are to where you want to be. The nice bedroom set is an excuse for not making a change...if you wanted to move, you'd go and then you'd figure out how to get your furniture later. So either work on being happy where you are now, or make a plan for making a change, a realistic plan that can get you where you want to be.
You're right. Honestly, I'm not happy right now - but the money issue is the huge thing for me. I want to make sure I'm set when I move because I worry about my health. I don't want to move and then something really bad happens and I can't afford it. I've been very sick before and I just don't want a major set back like that. But, you're right in a way. I have a friend in Baltimore or outside of Baltimore (Owings Mill) - she wanted me to live with her and take her old job that she was leaving. It was a part time library job that offered benefits. I didn't want to move to Baltimore, so I turned down her offer... though the offer probably was good since it was in a profession I want to be in, a step above where I am now in the library field, with benefits for part time employees. It just wasn't in the location I wanted... but she and another friend (now in Denver) were the only friends that offered me a place to stay until I got on my feet. The friend now in Denver still says, "Well, once you finally do get the money and want to come to Denver, you're welcomed to stay with me until you get a job and can afford your own place." The unknown scares me, especially on a health and financial aspect. That's why I've been trying to stay positive.
My one cousin last night, the one who spent 4 months abroad, said, "OH! I hear you have a 2nd job!" I said, "I did, but I needed ethernet for the telemarketing dialer. It didn't work on WiFi and since mom works from home, she uses the ethernet. Since they wouldn't reimburse for internet usage or a new router, I had to resign." "I'm sorry." "Yeah. I was hoping that would be something to get me moved since it was a remote position. Wasn't really my type of work, but it served a purpose - move and money." "Still Detroit?" "Well, I'm going to find anything here for a 2nd job and once I get the money I'm just looking everywhere outside of Pennsylvania." "That's a good idea." She goes to college in D.C.; she's not a fan of it here either. That set back really made me depressed. At this point, however, I'm looking at anything. Whether it's office, writing or retail, I'll take it. I think I am forgetting transferring and once I get the experience and money, I'll start applying elsewhere again. It's just keeping positive that once I have more experience that an employer elsewhere will call.
It's weird though; I think she is like your mom, but I guess it's like reverse psychology or a case where the words spoken are different than actions. She wants me to move out, whenever she gets angry she threatens to kick me out. Does she? Nope.
Regarding work, the job market is really bad right now. Just ignore the people who are bragging about the great jobs that their kids got right out of college. That is really the exception and not common.
My suggestion is just to take it one step at a time. Do something everyday towards your goal of moving out, whether it is updating your resume, going on job boards, applying for a job, networking with others in your field or something else. Just do something that will move you forward. Even something small, like passing up grabbing a fast food lunch instead of packing a lunch from home will mean a couple of extra dollars that can go into your emergency/rainy day fund.
Or even taking odd jobs or gigs like babysitting will bring in some extra money. Some families really prefer to hire a woman in her 20s rather than a teenager for a date night sitter. Sure, it is not a regular income, like a second job, but every extra dollar can be saved for your future goals.
And why Mom says those horrible things to you, just ignore her and walk away or say out loud (or in your head), "You are wrong, I am a wonderful person and I do deserve a great job." (disagree with whatever negative thing your mom is saying to you).
Regarding work, the job market is really bad right now. Just ignore the people who are bragging about the great jobs that their kids got right out of college. That is really the exception and not common.
My suggestion is just to take it one step at a time. Do something everyday towards your goal of moving out, whether it is updating your resume, going on job boards, applying for a job, networking with others in your field or something else. Just do something that will move you forward. Even something small, like passing up grabbing a fast food lunch instead of packing a lunch from home will mean a couple of extra dollars that can go into your emergency/rainy day fund.
Or even taking odd jobs or gigs like babysitting will bring in some extra money. Some families really prefer to hire a woman in her 20s rather than a teenager for a date night sitter. Sure, it is not a regular income, like a second job, but every extra dollar can be saved for your future goals.
And why Mom says those horrible things to you, just ignore her and walk away or say out loud (or in your head), "You are wrong, I am a wonderful person and I do deserve a great job." (disagree with whatever negative thing your mom is saying to you).
Good luck to you.
Hi Germaine,
You're right and dad says that too. He says, "Just ignore her and do something small around here to save for your goal of moving. By doing something small each day, whether it's an odd job or a retail job until you can get moved, it's better to feel accomplished by something small then crushed by something big. Use small things to accomplish the big thing." He's right - start small and work my way there. I used to babysit as a teen and I loved it. I dog sit for my aunt from time to time; I could do either! I work for a library and they let me advertise on their boards (I did a few times for tutoring). We also have books on odd jobs at the library - I'll get that out again and someone told me about mystery shopping.
Christmas morning was a bit rough. She opened her gifts and said, "Why did you do this? Why? Why?" instead of just "thank you." I made most of her gifts, but I did buy her a few (inexpensive) items. I feel depressed right now because it's not about the gifts or anything, but she just misses the mark on the person I am. She bought me a really expensive necklace - I don't really wear jewelry. I'm grateful, but it's something I can't wear very often... except very special occasions, which don't happen very often for me (it's a necklace, like something you'd wear to a ball or New Years Eve party). Then she tells my one aunt to get me things and that misses the mark too. I'm not a typical girl - I never dressed girly and I am a laid back person. I don't like expensive clothes and it's just not me. I know for 5 years straight mom always told my aunts to buy me expensive stuff. My one cousin has my personality and every year he got something that I wanted. As I said, it's not about the gifts, but I just feel it is a double standard. Sometimes I feel like maybe they're trying to mold me into something else... I'm not sure. I am grateful, but I just feel sad and now I feel like I'm whining.
You're right and dad says that too. He says, "Just ignore her and do something small around here to save for your goal of moving. By doing something small each day, whether it's an odd job or a retail job until you can get moved, it's better to feel accomplished by something small then crushed by something big. Use small things to accomplish the big thing." He's right - start small and work my way there. I used to babysit as a teen and I loved it. I dog sit for my aunt from time to time; I could do either! I work for a library and they let me advertise on their boards (I did a few times for tutoring). We also have books on odd jobs at the library - I'll get that out again and someone told me about mystery shopping.
Christmas morning was a bit rough. She opened her gifts and said, "Why did you do this? Why? Why?" instead of just "thank you." I made most of her gifts, but I did buy her a few (inexpensive) items. I feel depressed right now because it's not about the gifts or anything, but she just misses the mark on the person I am. She bought me a really expensive necklace - I don't really wear jewelry. I'm grateful, but it's something I can't wear very often... except very special occasions, which don't happen very often for me (it's a necklace, like something you'd wear to a ball or New Years Eve party). Then she tells my one aunt to get me things and that misses the mark too. I'm not a typical girl - I never dressed girly and I am a laid back person. I don't like expensive clothes and it's just not me. I know for 5 years straight mom always told my aunts to buy me expensive stuff. My one cousin has my personality and every year he got something that I wanted. As I said, it's not about the gifts, but I just feel it is a double standard. Sometimes I feel like maybe they're trying to mold me into something else... I'm not sure. I am grateful, but I just feel sad and now I feel like I'm whining.
you are young and you really need to work on your self confidence. it is very hard to be confident when a close family member isn't supportive. however it is something you need to do for your overall happiness and your future. get back to school or stay in school to get ahead in your field. doing mystery shopping and other part time jobs pay squat and will not help you in the long run to move out and become independent.
make this new year about getting yourself situated for your future. find a way to make yourself more valuable to an employer.
you are young and you really need to work on your self confidence. it is very hard to be confident when a close family member isn't supportive. however it is something you need to do for your overall happiness and your future. get back to school or stay in school to get ahead in your field. doing mystery shopping and other part time jobs pay squat and will not help you in the long run to move out and become independent.
make this new year about getting yourself situated for your future. find a way to make yourself more valuable to an employer.
I graduated college - I have a BA. Where I want to move to has everything I want to do, I think I just need to get there first to get the calls. That's why I've been looking for temp here; something that will allow me to save. Whether it's temp in an office or anything with writing. I was saying part time because most people move away from here (there's nothing job wise except retail or science, but the science jobs go to foreigners) and when they moved, they gave up their part time retail jobs. I'm hoping that will be the case with me. Except in my case, it'll be two jobs I'll be leaving. I want to keep my library job until I can move - it does pay well.
I'm a writer and when I do move out, I'd like to go for my MLIS. I have been in a library for almost 8.5 years, then I was a volunteer for a year before that. I love library work. I can write and comprehend basic to intermediate level Arabic and I'm fluent in German. I still keep up with the languages. I'd like to continue with those languages because I read the MLIS can provide something else besides libraries. People have said to me, "Writers can pretty much live anywhere and librarians for the most part too." They're right - when I was still looking Midwest, I found a bunch of good jobs both writing and libraries. I've also self published three books and looking to actually publish a book - I'm working on one. I've won a few writing and photography contests. Before my internship ended, I worked in a technology lab at my university. It was paid. I wrote training manuals, how to manuals of computer programs, then taught faculty and staff how to use the programs, mentored senior citizens on how to use the computer, then planned and executed the monthly agenda. I did that for 2.5 years.
I really think the issue for me here is we're known for the mall. I live in King of Prussia. It's mostly retail jobs here. I was never happy here, but the fact that it's mostly retail here... I just don't want to do retail forever. Non-retail jobs are also extremely competitive... but they are few and far between. That's why a lot of people are moving. Most people my age start out in retail, do that for 6 months, then they move.
I wish I didn't have to, but since I live there...
I'm wearing a Twiztid shirt and she doesn't care about that, but who knows about the jersey. She saw the package sent from Twiztid, so I am sure she knows I have it.
I graduated college - I have a BA. Where I want to move to has everything I want to do, I think I just need to get there first to get the calls. That's why I've been looking for temp here; something that will allow me to save. Whether it's temp in an office or anything with writing. I was saying part time because most people move away from here (there's nothing job wise except retail or science, but the science jobs go to foreigners) and when they moved, they gave up their part time retail jobs. I'm hoping that will be the case with me. Except in my case, it'll be two jobs I'll be leaving. I want to keep my library job until I can move - it does pay well.
I'm a writer and when I do move out, I'd like to go for my MLIS. I have been in a library for almost 8.5 years, then I was a volunteer for a year before that. I love library work. I can write and comprehend basic to intermediate level Arabic and I'm fluent in German. I still keep up with the languages. I'd like to continue with those languages because I read the MLIS can provide something else besides libraries. People have said to me, "Writers can pretty much live anywhere and librarians for the most part too." They're right - when I was still looking Midwest, I found a bunch of good jobs both writing and libraries. I've also self published three books and looking to actually publish a book - I'm working on one. I've won a few writing and photography contests. Before my internship ended, I worked in a technology lab at my university. It was paid. I wrote training manuals, how to manuals of computer programs, then taught faculty and staff how to use the programs, mentored senior citizens on how to use the computer, then planned and executed the monthly agenda. I did that for 2.5 years.
I really think the issue for me here is we're known for the mall. I live in King of Prussia. It's mostly retail jobs here. I was never happy here, but the fact that it's mostly retail here... I just don't want to do retail forever. Non-retail jobs are also extremely competitive... but they are few and far between. That's why a lot of people are moving. Most people my age start out in retail, do that for 6 months, then they move.
lol, you are way too smart to be satisfied with retail unless you're at the very top, doing something other than selling. not to diminish retail workers I did it most of my life. we are talking trying to find a job that you love.
seriously have you thought of being an interpreter for a large fortune 500 company or places like the UN or other places in Wash. DC? do your research, at the top of the library ladder how much can you make? sometimes jobs take you to a new road. do not dismiss other opportunities that you may excel in waiting for your dream job to open up.
do you have any money saved up? do not allow yourself to be so worried about moving that you end up stuck where you are. lots of companies will not hire someone who isn't already a resident of that area.
continue to not let your mom bring you down. stay focused. get some savings and look for new opportunities. the world...as they say...is your oyster
lol, you are way too smart to be satisfied with retail unless you're at the very top, doing something other than selling. not to diminish retail workers I did it most of my life. we are talking trying to find a job that you love.
seriously have you thought of being an interpreter for a large fortune 500 company or places like the UN or other places in Wash. DC? do your research, at the top of the library ladder how much can you make? sometimes jobs take you to a new road. do not dismiss other opportunities that you may excel in waiting for your dream job to open up.
do you have any money saved up? do not allow yourself to be so worried about moving that you end up stuck where you are. lots of companies will not hire someone who isn't already a resident of that area.
continue to not let your mom bring you down. stay focused. get some savings and look for new opportunities. the world...as they say...is your oyster
I don't have enough for a move - I have a few thousand saved and I do have an account that nan set up for me, but mom won't relinquish that to me yet. That has several thousands of dollars in it since it was started when I was born. Nan gave me money every holiday and every birthday (which is also a holiday), then other relatives gave me money for that account. That's why getting something here for 6 months to a year is important. I also think some other experiences would help too.
I don't really want to interpret and Washington, D.C. is a no go. I want to get out of the East Coast. Way too expensive here. I would prefer Midwest, South or Europe. I loved Europe and I do still have family in Ireland. Not sure about Italy, but Ireland. Some of my family immigrated to the US in the 1930s. I am not great with verbal communication, but I can write. Writing is my first love and I communicate best with writing. I'm also introverted; I do best in an office and library environment. I have no retail experience; all of my experience is in a library and office. I helped mom at her job for 5 years off and on - some admin assistance stuff. That's why I always look for office work as a 2nd job here and when I do finally get the funds for the move... I'd do both office and library work. I just love both of those environments and I love being able to help people too, like I did with my internship.I wouldn't interpret, but I would love to write multilingual books. I started writing an Arabic one.
Yeah, that's what I thought. People always tell me, "Don't move without a job!" But, I think I might have to. I'm not sure how people get lucky when they have a job lined up before they move.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atalanta
Jess hope it didn't turn out to.stressfull for you on on Christmas eve.
I think you look great in both outfits.
In the pic with your black pants it looks lime you are holding a racoon!!
Haha, it's my kitty Mimi. Well, technically she's my parents' cat. We call her our fluff ball.
Last edited by jessxwrites89; 12-25-2014 at 01:06 PM..
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I used to babysit as a teen and I loved it. I dog sit for my aunt from time to time; I could do either! I work for a library and they let me advertise on their boards (I did a few times for tutoring). We also have books on odd jobs at the library - I'll get that out again and someone told me about mystery shopping.
