Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
....So, the male neighbor says to my husband "Aren't you retired?" This comment has really bothered my husband as it is not the perception we certainly want to give. He is in his 50's but looks good, works out, physicially fit, not overweight, no gray hair, what are we doing wrong?
Sounds like you are being super-sensitive about a casual remark. It doesn't sound like any sort of nasty remark - unless there is more to the story that wasn't included. Based on the OP, I don't get what the neighbour has done wrong.
I am puzzled by your inclusion of a physical description of your husband, as if this would contradict the idea that he could be retired. Retired people look a whole lot of different ways, and it sounds as if you have gotten hooked on "retired = used up", or a similar idea. Is this, perhaps, the substance of your concern?
my brother retired at 37 because some company bought an invention of his and I wont say who or what company but all my brother has done is go fishing , paid off his house and now live on 7 acres and he can come and go as he pleases . He is enjoying his life and I am glad to see it . Now maybe his neighbors think he is on some sort of disability etc we don't care , he certainly does not and that is okay . You care too much what the neighbors think .
There was an incident at my house which involved a call to law enforcement. One of my neighbors told the LEO that I didn't work and never left my house (I was riding my bike to the trirail for almost a year ). Another told them that I have to be on antipsychotic meds.
Neither was true, but since it was more than one neighbor, the LEO believed them.
It stemmed from me not wanting to put a camera on my house to spy on another neighbor.
That was a life-altering and expensive experience. People are just jerks sometimes. And some of the neighbors still think those "reports" are true
So, the male neighbor says to my husband "Aren't you retired?" This comment has really bothered my husband as it is not the perception we certainly want to give. He is in his 50's but looks good, works out, physicially fit, not overweight, no gray hair, what are we doing wrong?
Bette, if your husband has mentioned it 6 times since the incident perhaps the neighbor's tone of voice lent to that seemingly harmless statement sounding like something else entirely. The tone of voice and facial mannerisms could have made your husband feel like "Aren't you retired?" was accusatory and insulting in nature. He could have felt like there were a lot of words left unsaid or thought by the other party. On the other hand this could have just been a way to make conversation.
I think the important thing is to validate your husband's feelings about this perceived slight or insult. I am going to say that this is the case of perception equal reality for your husband. If he perceives it as a negative and insulting question then it was.
When I read the OP I thought that there might be something more but it seems that there isn't or much of something. I'm retired early and by choice and I can't imagine being though of as retired as an insult or a negative thing. Surely the potential loss of business from one person thinking your husband might be retired isn't worth the angst of bringing it up six times? Seems over the top given the kind of impertinence that is routinely experienced in life.
FWIW, unless I have direct, recent and normally multiple experiences with a business of a relative, neighbor or friend and actually know what I'm endorsing I never refer another person to a business just because I know of it and am familiar with it's owner/s. I'd hate to be the steering someone wrong. Maybe that is my particular quirk.
It bothered my husband. I would have dealt with it differently. We have nothing against being retired and happy for those who are happily retired - I know some that are but not of their own choosing.
I think reading between the lines (my husband's comment - 6 times) is that he is open for business and does not want to appear closed or no longer working. I think it bothered him that someone would think he was not working since we work A LOT - much more than most at this point.
Do I want to change that at some point? Yes - in a sense; however, can we - No.
I guess he wants to appear relevant, in step with the times but at the same time experienced and ready to tackle a task. Being self employed is a lot different than working for a corporation.
It bothered my husband. I would have dealt with it differently. We have nothing against being retired and happy for those who are happily retired - I know some that are but not of their own choosing.
I think reading between the lines (my husband's comment - 6 times) is that he is open for business and does not want to appear closed or no longer working. I think it bothered him that someone would think he was not working since we work A LOT - much more than most at this point.
It bothered my husband. I would have dealt with it differently. We have nothing against being retired and happy for those who are happily retired - I know some that are but not of their own choosing.
I think reading between the lines (my husband's comment - 6 times) is that he is open for business and does not want to appear closed or no longer working. I think it bothered him that someone would think he was not working since we work A LOT - much more than most at this point.
Do I want to change that at some point? Yes - in a sense; however, can we - No.
I guess he wants to appear relevant, in step with the times but at the same time experienced and ready to tackle a task. Being self employed is a lot different than working for a corporation.
Your husband needs to learn to handle things with some humor.
All he had to say was in a lilting tone "Oh, I wish we were retired, no we have business doing such and such, I am surprised_______ never told you, here is my card"(or tell him the name of the business).
Not obsess about it. Communicate.
Clearly the woman doesn't talk too much about the two of you as you think, even though you were of great help to her after her first husband passed.
You're also in a very transient area, people come and go in FL like it's the Land of Oz, how could everyone know who does what when a house can change owners 3 times in 8yrs.
All he had to say was in a lilting tone "Oh, I wish we were retired, no we have business doing such and such, I am surprised_______ never told you, here is my card"(or tell him the name of the business).
**Exactly what I would have said!!**
We have over 300 homes in our neighborhood and only about 6-8 sales happen a year. The last home sold on our street of 16 homes was in 2006 - until this year when 3 just sold. We have get togethers all the time but my husband is not a good promoter.
It's kind of like of a neighborhood you would find up north but in Florida. You really don't know it's there unless you live there. Most on our street have been there 20 years - in fact, we still have 4 originals (1982) out of the 16.
But, the comment is now forgotten!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thought this thread was dead.....let it be....
