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Do you mention this grandchild a lot? Maybe too much? Was this a way of her lashing out in frustration? Maybe hoping it would stop?
Actually, this was exactly the second time that I have ever mentioned my grandson, in the six months that I have worked there. I am usually quite reserved at work about my personal life, and 99 percent of what I talk about....revolves around WORK.
Do you mention this grandchild a lot? Maybe too much? Was this a way of her lashing out in frustration? Maybe hoping it would stop?
Even if she did, that's a really unpleasant and inappropriate way to go about venting your frustration at someone talking about something they're really into, more than you care to hear about it.
I agree that you should not have to defend your daughter in front of this person. Someone who disses a co-worker's family needs to be seen as saying this because she dislikes you herself for whatever reason (does the boss prefer you to her, do you have a better position, etc.,) and is using this as an excuse to insult you, IMO. I would have told her that what she said was her own unsolicited opinion and not yours.
That was insensitive & rude. Ignore her in your mind & in person. Your daughter is very brave & smart as she seems to be managing just fine. That's the only thing that matters. You don't need to justify anything by explaining how well she is doing in her life. When someone says something rude about her again, call them on it & walk away.
I don't know what anyone would think of this comment, but tonight at work I happened to mention my three year old grandson. One of them made the comment..."my daughters wouldn't be stupid enough to have kids at that age."
Her and I both have daughters around the same age. My oldest is 23, is a college graduate (our family's first), but yes, also has a three year old son....my grandson.
I proceeded to tell her that my child is not STUPID. Yes, she was young when she had him, but she was also out of high school, going to college, and living in her own apartment when she got pregnant. I was not happy about it when I found out, but I adore my grandson. I also let her know that she landed a great job after college, and makes a pretty good living, which is NOT EASY to do in this day and age....especially in California where she lives.
I was friendly enough about it, but this was just very offputting and insensitive of her, in my opinion.
Interesting part is she was only talking about her daughter. No mention of your daughter. The fact you are upset means it might upset you. At least that is what I heard in Psch 101 but I drank a lot in schoo
Dont you have ENOUGH going on without worrying about other peoples stupid careless comments?
I do.
Anyway, I've found that People who say things like that, are the EXACT same people who ask you for advice in a few years when (whatever) happens TO THEM.
I don't know what anyone would think of this comment, but tonight at work I happened to mention my three year old grandson. One of them made the comment..."my daughters wouldn't be stupid enough to have kids at that age."
Her and I both have daughters around the same age. My oldest is 23, is a college graduate (our family's first), but yes, also has a three year old son....my grandson.
I proceeded to tell her that my child is not STUPID. Yes, she was young when she had him, but she was also out of high school, going to college, and living in her own apartment when she got pregnant. I was not happy about it when I found out, but I adore my grandson. I also let her know that she landed a great job after college, and makes a pretty good living, which is NOT EASY to do in this day and age....especially in California where she lives.
I was friendly enough about it, but this was just very offputting and insensitive of her, in my opinion.
I think it's quite rude and anyone who makes such idiotic comments must be somewhat stupid themselves. Or woefully lacking in any social graces.
At least she has given you a heads-up and you know never to confide in this moron OR consider her a friend in any way, shape or form. At least her true colors came through.
I know SO many people like this that end up eating their words.
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Originally Posted by eidas
"at least she doesn't have a kid" may be the only good thing about coworkers daughter
Ha! Probably is.
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Originally Posted by SoundNinia
No, it's not. So someone who has no common sense makes a mistake, has a child and that child grows up with little to no common sense like their parents and the cycle continues. No, I'll passs.
It IS selfish. Unless the daughter asked the mom if she would help her take care of it BEFORE she got pregnant(doubtful) then yes it is selfish. Grandparents are not supposed to be there to help you take care of your responsibilities. They already did that when they raised their kids in the first place.
If she went to college, then someone had to take care of the baby, someone had to feed it. If she was on foodstamps, then the tax payers foot the bill, if not then her mom did. Either way, someone had to financially support her and that's not right. And yes, if she got a tax refund from EIC due to having a child, that does affect me. People with children get thousands back, I never get that much. When I pay in federal taxes that money is redistributed, it may be pennies on the dollar, but it's money that I would rather have in my pocket than in the pocket of someone who was irresponsible in the first place.
I certainly trust that you are pro-choice given your stance.
Personally, given that NONE of your tax money supported this child, I find your position to be the selfish one.
Better to have an abortion, eh, than raise your taxes a penny?
Ah, but first of all you don't know their story either, only what the OP has stated. As for the many colleges offer child care..yea and who pays for it? the students at that school do! I don't want my tuition going up just because someone cannot keep it in their pants and be responsible. How is that fair to the students that do the right thing and don't need those services? It's not.
We're talking about college, not high school. Yes, in high school, child care is entirely provided by the taxpayer. In college, the care may be somewhat subsidized, but it's not free. For example, at my school, child care is $20 for 3 hours, or $75 a week. Cheap, but not entirely free.
Additionally, in college we're not just talking about 18-22 year-olds. There's people who are 30+ years old who are going back to school. Maybe they even have a degree already, but are going back for a second one. Maybe they're graduate students. Are you saying that once you have kids, you should be prevented from going back to school?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoundNinia
I am not singling out anyone. The Op came with some rant and I am responding to it, I would tell anyone else that is in the same position, the same thing as well. If the girl said that the child is "meant to be" then she is Moderator cut: edit wrong, imo There are consequences for those actions and this is why we have an entitled generation now because nobody wants to be the big bad guy in the room and tell it like it is. Well guess what, here I am. If you talked to your parents about raising a child, that's your business, but to be perfectly honest, a man handles his responsibilities and doesn't place them on the back of others. If you want to go to school, then go to school. Making babies can wait. After all, why would you want to make your life more difficult by having a baby BEFORE you finish school? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that that is a stupid thing to do. So to answer your question, yes I would consider you irresponsible.
You're entitled to your opinion, but all I know is that my parents love the idea of having grandchildren when they're still young enough to run around with them.
And sometimes life happens....literally - life is created. Better to have that life, rather than kill it, IMO.
It's selfish on whose part? The mom's? How did her choice affect YOU? Oh, it didn't? That's what I thought. Yeah, it was real selfish to provide life and a family to her baby.
The OP's daughter finished college - with nothing from you! She likely finished the way most graduates do, with scholarships, loans, savings, help from family, and jobs. So now she has a degree, a job, AND a family. And she is young enough to have the immense amount of energy babies require!
Congrats, OP.
I agree that the comment was very rude.
However, nowadays kids are usually not ready to have children at that young age.
You state she now has a family - doesn't seem like there is a husband. Even if there is one, with divorce rates so high, especially amongst young folks, not the smartest choice to have a child when you are 20 and still haven't figured things out. People at 20 are not mature.
About finishing college - half of what you listed includes help from and relying on others - not the ideal case of graduating. More like plan B because you messed up plan A by having a child.
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