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There's a lot of talk about the consequences of an absent father figure for women AKA "daddy issues" but I don't see much focus on what happens with men.
I had an absent father. Not in the sense of not knowing him, he lived with us. He was not only abusive, he never did any father-son activities with my brother and I as well. I used to get big beatings from him as a child if he came home angry from work. He broke my wrist once from holding my hand too tight, gashed an open cut in my back from the belt and another in my eyebrow from slapping me too hard.
But I can count myself lucky. My elder brother had it even worse because he wasn't as well behaved as I was.
And he was also verbally abusive. There was name calling and if I didn't enjoy the sports he enjoyed he would say I was girly and that he always knew I would end up sucking c****.
Do you think this might explain why I've always suffered from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, no ability to have intimate relationships, etc? I think my brother has similar problems, even though he has a girlfriend and seems to deal better with his issues.
Do you think this might explain why I've always suffered from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, no ability to have intimate relationships, etc? I think my brother has similar problems, even though he has a girlfriend and seems to deal better with his issues.
^Most definitely, it affects your self-esteem---to say the least.
What you describe was horrific. I gather from your post that you are still young (20s? 30s?). If I'm correct, then why wasn't CPS made aware of what was going on in your home? Didn't any of your teachers notice the injuries? After all, teachers are bound by law to report such things.
If you are older, like many of us who grew up in the 50s or 60s, these things were never reported unless a child was injured enough to end up hospitalized. At that time in history, getting whuppings was considered to be okay as long as no bones were broken.
I'll give an example. I have a cousin who is a doctor and told me that if he saw a child who appeared to be injured during a parental "punishment", he had to report it by law. By comparison, when growing up his father once whipped him with a switch from a tree hard enough to leave marks on his back. The next day he had a doctor's appointment. The doctor saw the marks and said nothing. As my cousin put it, back then the thinking went like this: "He comes from a good middle class family so everything's fine."
That's why I asked during what time period you grew up. If you are in your 20s or 30s and no one reported this abuse, that makes me very, very sad to hear.
And, btw, there has been lots of talk about boys growing up without fathers and how it affects them. It affects them negatively in so many ways that it would take way too long to detail them here. Start by googling and you will learn a lot.
Do you think this might explain why I've always suffered from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, no ability to have intimate relationships, etc? I think my brother has similar problems, even though he has a girlfriend and seems to deal better with his issues.
^Most definitely, it affects your self-esteem---to say the least.
What you describe was horrific. I gather from your post that you are still young (20s? 30s?). If I'm correct, then why wasn't CPS made aware of what was going on in your home? Didn't any of your teachers notice the injuries? After all, teachers are bound by law to report such things.
I'm 23. My father is a doctor so no one would believe me if I ever complained. Besides, apart from that cut in my eyebrow, he usually never hit me in the face. I also never said anything because I was afraid of how he could react/what he could do to my mother in revenge.
Your father wasn't absent, he was there being a horrible father. I'd suggest you turn into an absent son, go make a life for yourself and let a good career and healthy friendships heal your self esteem.
Let them in, and you'll be amazed how good friendships can help heal the damage done by crappy families. You just have to really believe that it's your dad, not you, that was the problem.
Your father wasn't absent, he was there being a horrible father. I'd suggest you turn into an absent son, go make a life for yourself and let a good career and healthy friendships heal your self esteem.
Let them in, and you'll be amazed how good friendships can help heal the damage done by crappy families. You just have to really believe that it's your dad, not you, that was the problem.
I have no contact with him anymore.
I have 4 very good friends but I have a hard time trusting people.
The consequences are exactly what you mentioned in your OP.
BTW, your father was really just a sperm donor. Oh, and a abusive foul mouthed lunatic!
Time for some therapy, and lifting yourself up out of HIS muck and mire! Rise up!!!!!
Last edited by picklejuice; 12-30-2014 at 07:06 PM..
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