Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
...I owe everyone courtesy and politeness in their direct interaction with them.
I do not owe everyone neutrality, PC-ness, and genuine respect for anything they do, regardless of what they do....
I haven't read much on CD that I agree with more. If people behave poorly, be it an adult or child it certainly is within my right to understand and communicate that this is in fact poor behavior and outside of the standards of decorum to whomever might need this information. If the bad behavior affects me or an innocent person incapable of response I do what I need to do to get away from the perpetrator (if the behavior minor rudeness as described in this thread) or correct the behavior if at all possible. That might take the form of getting management to intercede in a private venue, moving away, a well spoken word and in the case of illegal behavior contacting the authorities or directly intervene if the situation requires.
I do not subscribe to the view that it's not my business. That is how people get beaten or robbed in broad daylight with people walking by turning their heads. I have saved at least one life reacting properly to an assault where at least 20 other people stood watching. That behavior (not judging, not helping) in my opinion is immoral but "safe".
What if the kid doesn't care about leaving? What if whatever it is he is unhappy with and making a fuss over at the restaurant is, at that moment, a lot more important to him than leaving, so he'll keep making a scene? What if you leave in the middle of your meal (not too fun btw and a lot of hassle for the staff, not to mention could be quite a scene for the other customers), you leave once, twice, three times, but the fourth and fifth and sixth times the kid still acts up? (say, not consecutively but once in a while)? What if you have a big 4, 5, 6, or 7 year old that will refuse to leave and will throw himself on the floor and scream, and you're physically unable to pick them up and drag them out? Even right now, me trying to drag my almost 5 yo anywhere he doesn't want to go is almost impossible, and will certainly result in a LOT more disturbance for the entire restaurant than simply preventing the issue in the first place by keeping him occupied.
Everything sounds simple in theory. In practice, don't judge other parents until you've dealt with their kids. I've been there, on both sides - I sure was a much better parent, until I had a kid that thoroughly humbled not only me, but our entire extended families on both sides.
I don't want the thread to get hijacked or go off topic, but, umm, how do I ask this? Is your son always like that even at home? Is there an ADD/ADHD issue? If so, then your scenario is completely different. My daughter tried pulling a temper tantrum in a bookstore over a book she wanted. The book was no more than 20 pages and was almost $30. I told her I would buy her another book. Nope. She wanted THAT book. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. Guess what? I let her have her little fit right there in the store. People looked at me in disbelief and I explained why she's having a fit. After about 5 minutes or so she gave up because she saw mommy wasn't giving in. That crap never happened again.
I don't want the thread to get hijacked or go off topic, but, umm, how do I ask this? Is your son always like that even at home? Is there an ADD/ADHD issue? If so, then your scenario is completely different. My daughter tried pulling a temper tantrum in a bookstore over a book she wanted. The book was no more than 20 pages and was almost $30. I told her I would buy her another book. Nope. She wanted THAT book. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. Guess what? I let her have her little fit right there in the store. People looked at me in disbelief and I explained why she's having a fit. After about 5 minutes or so she gave up because she saw mommy wasn't giving in. That crap never happened again.
Couldn't you have moved her outside the store out of common courtesy to other people?
I would have looked at you in disbelief as well.
Couldn't you have moved her outside the store out of common courtesy to other people?
I would have looked at you in disbelief as well.
I could have but what would it have solved? She learned that having a temper tantrum was not the way to get what she wants. This wasn't a library or restaurant and it lasted no more than 5 minutes and it never happened after that. The more I ignored her, the more I noticed she subsided. She wasn't running around causing chaos. To clarify, she wasn't kicking and screaming or causing chaos. It was the crying, arms folded, foot stomping, "I WANT this" type of thing.
I could have but what would it have solved? She learned that having a temper tantrum was not the way to get what she wants. This wasn't a library or restaurant and it lasted no more than 5 minutes and it never happened after that. The more I ignored her, the more I noticed she subsided. She wasn't running around causing chaos. To clarify, she wasn't kicking and screaming or causing chaos. It was the crying, arms folded, foot stomping, "I WANT this" type of thing.
I still don't want to be shopping, especially for books (which is still meant to be a quiet activity like being in a library), listening to a little brat cry and stomp her foot for any minute, and especially not 5! Take the kid and leave, then come back either when she learns to behave, or without her at all.
I still don't want to be shopping, especially for books (which is still meant to be a quiet activity like being in a library), listening to a little brat cry and stomp her foot for any minute, and especially not 5! Take the kid and leave, then come back either when she learns to behave, or without her at all.
I don't call kids brats when I know nothing about them. She's not a brat because I didn't allow her to continue that crap. How do you learn to behave unless you're in certain situations? She learned to behave after that one stunt. Did I like doing it? Of course not but I felt it was not a crowded place and she was not being loud. If she was being obnoxious and disruptful and it escalated, of course I'd leave!
I still don't want to be shopping, especially for books (which is still meant to be a quiet activity like being in a library), listening to a little brat cry and stomp her foot for any minute, and especially not 5! Take the kid and leave, then come back either when she learns to behave, or without her at all.
If you find a shopping experience with ZERO annoyances please snap a picture. It will be rarer than a pic of the loch ness monster.
I don't want the thread to get hijacked or go off topic, but, umm, how do I ask this? Is your son always like that even at home? Is there an ADD/ADHD issue? If so, then your scenario is completely different. My daughter tried pulling a temper tantrum in a bookstore over a book she wanted. The book was no more than 20 pages and was almost $30. I told her I would buy her another book. Nope. She wanted THAT book. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. Guess what? I let her have her little fit right there in the store. People looked at me in disbelief and I explained why she's having a fit. After about 5 minutes or so she gave up because she saw mommy wasn't giving in. That crap never happened again.
No ADHD but he was (is) definitely not a 'typical' child, and we did look into some anxiety/OCD type issues for a while, which thankfully seem to be getting a lot better with age. But between 1-3 was a pretty horrible time. He was extremely bright (started reading before 3) but the flipside was that he seemed unhappy most of the time and seemed incapable of calming himself if he got into a meltdown, which was often - 5 minutes would be a joke, he could go on for an hour, two or more. Nothing worked to calm him, or to prevent the same next time. Looking back I think his little brain was developing way ahead of his emotions, and required constant stimulation, things got a lot better when he got more verbal and was able to express his needs better. Now at 5 he's a pretty happy kid most of the time. But those couple of years were just a blur for me, of crying, crying, and more crying. Which is why I get defensive reading discipline advice on here like "state expectations" or "take them out and they'll never do it again". Because those people obviously never knew the frustration of trying every method in the book, and nothing ever working but time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
