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Having a grandmother may or may not be a good thing, depending on the person... That said, I think if you are considering having your son have a relationship with her you should meet up with her first, one on one, and establish whatever ground rules you feel necessary. I would definitely make sure she does not bring up how "wonderful" her son (the child's father) is. She should know that if you do allow a relationship she needs to respect the boundaries you put in place. If she is a sweet soul, I'd vote for you allowing it, once you feel as though your son is totally protected.
Yeah, I like this too.
Sometimes, families need to start over, square one. Good luck mom, hopefully it works out to the benefit of all.
My son is 12 years old and does not have a relationship with his biological Dad. I have often heard my son tell playmates that he does not have a Dad. His father and I seperated when he was 2 and I moved back to my hometown.
When I moved away, his mother would call me 2-3 times a year to ask about my son and if we had talked with his father. Answer is always no because he never calls. After about 6 years, my number changed and I never called his Mom to give her my new number. It always felt weird to me that my son would know his grandmother but not his father. I always hoped that I would soon remarry so that my son could have a father figure in his life.
So now, still single, I am moving back to my ex-husband's hometown. I really liked the area when I lived there and they have excellent schools. My ex moved to another state with his new wife years ago.
I am wondering if I should call his Mom and tell her I am moving back or just continue living my life. My son does not have a relationship with her either, but she was always kind enough to send gifts on his birthday and Christmas. She did ask me a few times over the years if we would come visit, but I thought it would be awkward and something bad might happen. By bad I mean she has always stuck up for her son. My ex was arrested for spousal abuse, but at the end of the day she would say it was still my fault.
Should I tell her I'm moving back? My son doesn't know her and seeing her again would be like meeting a total stranger. I kinda feel like it's the right thing to do, but then I think something may happen that will make me regret my decision.
What should I do?
I think it's terrible you did not foster the relationship between your child & a grandmother who wanted contact with him.
Of course you should tell her, and allow your son to have a grandmother that will probably dote on him!
I don't think this question can be answered because nobody knows about the lady and her son. Or your son.
But if you say she'll support him no matter what, you are opening the door to GIANT PERPETUAL DRAMA and perhaps irrevocable damage/challenge to your son's psyche or worse, some type of crazy stuff from the father.
You really do NOT NEED HIM staying over there hearing all kinds of nonsense stories. Been there, know about that.
Then there's this:
Quote:
I have often heard my son tell playmates that he does not have a Dad
So WHAT DOES he think?
My son stopped his relationship with his dad on his own when he was old enough to do so around your son's age because he got fed up. This is a different story because he never knew him.
I think you need to have a talk with your son and let his attitude guide you.
And even though I believe in being age appropriate honest, I don't think he needs to know about the spousal abuse so I'd leave that out of the discussion.
I honestly don't know how I'd go about 10 years ignoring that he has a father somewhere unless you just told him the guy took off yada yada.
OK so maybe by now after typing all this, I'm voting NO!
He may get mad/resentful to you later in life for not knowing about her but I guarantee you odds are good that he will cross that bridge even if he didn't know about her. So you'll be at fault in his eyes no matter what and the RISK of her may outweigh any benefit.
ok, I am a single mother with a sitty ex husband who was mentally abusive. However, you are being incredibly selfish not to allow this child to see his father and extended family on his side. I know my ex was not the best father in the world, he would forget what days he had, forget to pick her up. But he is still her father, just like you ex is still your son's father. Mine hardly ever paid child support, but that is a seperate issue and needs to be kept seperate. Your son is old enough to make this decision on his own. You need to fess up that you didn't think it was a good idea for him to see his father and grandfather but now that he is older he can make that decision on his own if he wants to see his grandmother and father. Yes, grind your teeth, bite your tongue, and clench your fists if he says yes, but allow him to see them if he wants to. Forget the money or hurt, it is about your son, what he needs, what he wants, not what you want. If they are not beaters, drug addicts, or alcoholics then you have no reason not to let them see him. My daughter doesn't have the greatest relationship with her father, but she loves him all the same. I grit my teeth and bite my tongue everytime I hear what a great time they had at wherever as I am thinking of all the **** he put me through and al of the money I was owed, but in the long run, it was best for her not me. Thats what being a mom is all about.
Yes, grind your teeth, bite your tongue, and clench your fists if he says yes, but allow him to see them if he wants to. Forget the money or hurt, it is about your son, what he needs, what he wants, not what you want. If they are not beaters, drug addicts, or alcoholics then you have no reason not to let them see him. My daughter doesn't have the greatest relationship with her father, but she loves him all the same. I grit my teeth and bite my tongue everytime I hear what a great time they had at wherever as I am thinking of all the **** he put me through and al of the money I was owed, but in the long run, it was best for her not me. Thats what being a mom is all about.
Praise the Lord! There ARE good women left in this world! +100
I am a single mother with a sitty ex husband who was mentally abusive. However, you are being incredibly selfish not to allow this child to see his father and extended family on his side. I know my ex was not the best father in the world, he would forget what days he had, forget to pick her up. But he is still her father,
I am also a divorced mother with a horrible ex husband who was mentally abusive. I think allowing that type of person to be responsible for children when he has clearly demonstrated lack of responsibility and actual cruelty is a huge disservice to the child. Parents are supposed to keep their children AWAY from abusive and neglectful and irresponsible people! You don't just hand them over because there's some genetic link.
To the OP: If this woman thinks it is your fault that her son abused you, what happens when she invites her son over to see the boy, he gets mad for some reason and hits the kid? Your son's fault, right?
OP, you say "town", is there a chance you could run into the grandmother? It would be more awkward if you and your son are in Target and here comes the grandmother down the aisle.
She sounds like a kind person, and it is never too late to reconnect with family.
I agree. Chances are you might run into some common friends or in-laws who might tell her you are back in town. Ask your son & see if he wants to meet her. If he is not ready, call her anyway & tell her you are back in town but your son is not ready to meet her. You should also discuss with him about running into his dad when he is in town to visit his mother. Just prepare him in advance for these situations so that there are no surprises.
ok, I am a single mother with a sitty ex husband who was mentally abusive. However, you are being incredibly selfish not to allow this child to see his father and extended family on his side. I know my ex was not the best father in the world, he would forget what days he had, forget to pick her up. But he is still her father, just like you ex is still your son's father. Mine hardly ever paid child support, but that is a seperate issue and needs to be kept seperate. Your son is old enough to make this decision on his own. You need to fess up that you didn't think it was a good idea for him to see his father and grandfather but now that he is older he can make that decision on his own if he wants to see his grandmother and father. Yes, grind your teeth, bite your tongue, and clench your fists if he says yes, but allow him to see them if he wants to. Forget the money or hurt, it is about your son, what he needs, what he wants, not what you want. If they are not beaters, drug addicts, or alcoholics then you have no reason not to let them see him. My daughter doesn't have the greatest relationship with her father, but she loves him all the same. I grit my teeth and bite my tongue everytime I hear what a great time they had at wherever as I am thinking of all the **** he put me through and al of the money I was owed, but in the long run, it was best for her not me. Thats what being a mom is all about.
It's not that I won't allow my son to see his father. That's not it at all. His Dad lives 1200 miles away so we are not residing in the same city anymore. His father has never made effort to reach out to my son and this was even after my ex MIL said that she would talk to him about it.
My son has several coomunication devices that he can use to communicate with his father. When I first let, my ex said that he would skype with my son as often as he could. That never happened. In the beginning, I called a few times to see why he hadn't and most of the time he wouldn't answer his phone. Then I thought about something my therapist told me when went to counseling. Her exact words were, "You cannot make him do anything. Trying to will only make things harder on you."
I really don't understand why he wouldn't want to talk to my son. The only reason I stopped talking to his mom is because it just didn't feel right for my son to know his grandmother and not his father.
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