Should I tell my son's grandmother I'm moving back?
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I really don't understand why he wouldn't want to talk to my son. The only reason I stopped talking to his mom is because it just didn't feel right for my son to know his grandmother and not his father.
I'd say to let your ex worry about that. But I don't think it's a reason to now allow a relationship with the grandmother. You can be sympathetic to your son if he ever expresses confusion about it, but it sounds like he's old enough to understand, and having some connection to that side of his family is better than nothing even if that's what his father is unfortunately doing.
ok, I am a single mother with a sitty ex husband who was mentally abusive. However, you are being incredibly selfish not to allow this child to see his father and extended family on his side. I know my ex was not the best father in the world, he would forget what days he had, forget to pick her up. But he is still her father, just like you ex is still your son's father. Mine hardly ever paid child support, but that is a seperate issue and needs to be kept seperate. Your son is old enough to make this decision on his own. You need to fess up that you didn't think it was a good idea for him to see his father and grandfather but now that he is older he can make that decision on his own if he wants to see his grandmother and father. Yes, grind your teeth, bite your tongue, and clench your fists if he says yes, but allow him to see them if he wants to. Forget the money or hurt, it is about your son, what he needs, what he wants, not what you want. If they are not beaters, drug addicts, or alcoholics then you have no reason not to let them see him. My daughter doesn't have the greatest relationship with her father, but she loves him all the same. I grit my teeth and bite my tongue everytime I hear what a great time they had at wherever as I am thinking of all the **** he put me through and al of the money I was owed, but in the long run, it was best for her not me. Thats what being a mom is all about.
So you didn't read the OP, right?
Because she never said she didn't allow the child to see his father. She said " he never calls."
And she never said she didn't think it was a good idea to see his father.
And he WAS a "beater". He got arrested for spousal abuse. They don't arrest you for spousal abuse for being MENTALLY abusive. Wherein the grandmother blamed HER.
Praise the Lord! There ARE good women left in this world! +100
Good? Perhaps.
But she didn't follow the OP.
The OP never kept her son from knowing his father and he WAS "a beater".
PROTIP: If you beat your wife, chances are even the COURTS will NOT require the mother to maintain contact with you from 1200 miles away especially if you IGNORE the child like THIS asshat did.
Have you ever had to watch your kid sit there day after day week after week month after month year after year waiting for his FATHER to even CALL let alone show up and BE a father?
Well, I don't know if I could offer the right advice. It's a torn situation for you.
I'm thinking that the right thing to do is to tell her. It should not be up to your son as he is not an adult (he can make that decision later.) On the other hand, establishing a relationship with the grandmother also means connection with the boy's father, and you're the one who knows what kind of influence he'd make in his son's life. It would be damn difficult to keep him out of the picture if the mother had a different take on it.
So it would be understandable if you chose to not tell her. But if she somehow ever found out, she would have legal rights to see her grandson. It's quite a mess. Good luck in your decision.
This is a tricky one and wish you the best on what you decide.
My inclination is to stay where you are until your son is of an age and ready to make the decisions that would surely follow a move to Grandma's home town.
You are just playing with fire if you expect there to be no interest or contact on your son's part if you do move to the same town. So you either go all in and set boundaries with Grandma or deal with the aftermath of chance meetings over and over again if you move. Or status quo until he is older.
As a Grandma myself, it would be heartbreaking to me if my son and his wife split and my ex daughter in law kept my grandchildren from me, especially if I had made attempts to bridge the gap. I hope you can work something out with her. for her sake and your son's.
Does father not pay child support? If so, couldn't grandma ask dad where you are? Maybe she doesn't really care either, after all she raised the spousal abuser and believes him....
If the OP's story is completely factual and unbiased.... then HELL NO.
If the OP's story is biased/one-sided/exaggerated... then maybe.
I don't care if she used to call to check in or send presents. If your ex-husband legitimately abused you, and she stuck up for him, she is a twisted, irresponsible person who raised a monster and has no place in the development of another child.
The people saying "Of course she stuck up for him, she is his mother, it is what parents do..." are twisted too. If I abused a woman, my mom would figuratively kill me. So would my dad, my brothers, etc... A real family doesn't excuse disgusting behavior because they share a genetic link.
Of course... and I am not accusing you of anything, OP.... some women lie about abuse. I have seen it happen first hand. I have seen a woman attack my friend with a bat and he got arrested for abuse when he pushed her away. Once he put his hands on her, in the most peacefully possible way to defend himself, he was painted as a monster. He lost his job, friends, etc... his life was torn apart. (Despite the trial eventually exonerating him and destroying her credibility... the damage to his reputation was done already.)
The fact that the OP's ex-husband has been arrested for abuse does NOT mean he did anything remotely close. People who have never harmed anyone have faced the death penalty unjustly. Not only were they arrested for murder, but convicted in court... despite being completely innocent. An arrest does not mean guilt AT ALL.
Girls have claimed rape when no such thing happened and innocent guys have had their lives ruined because of it, again, we can not pretend that we know what happened in the OP's situation, we just can't. We can only guess.
If your story is true, then the answer is a strong "HELL NO!" I would not let someone who raised a monster (and defends his actions) interact with my, or any other, developing child if I had a choice.
If you are exaggerating the story to play the victim card, then you need to let go of your fairy-tale world and let the kid have a relationship with his grandmother. If your ex didn't actually abuse you, or was arrested for something trivial like defending himself, then the grandmother is right in defending him, and you are the one who is being unreasonable.
Again, OP, I am not accusing you of lying... I am just pointing out that this is a forum and we have nothing to verify your story. Some people lie about similar situations to escape having to take responsibility for their own actions, that is just how things are. If you are telling the truth, this advice should not offend you.
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