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Old 01-09-2015, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 5,385,892 times
Reputation: 5261

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I would just continue to move on, it is apparent that reaching out to them will not work, they are not interested.

My deceased husbands family did not want anything to do with me, because, they only wanted to remain friends with his ex-wife. I had nothing to do with his divorce, as I did not meet him until 10 years later, but, I was treated like crepe. After an especially bad Thanksgiving experience, I never saw them again, he visited them by himself.

I've survived, and, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made, they were a toxic group of people that I did not need in my life.
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Old 01-09-2015, 01:25 PM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 1,993,567 times
Reputation: 5399
Here's a drawing on how it works !

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Old 01-09-2015, 01:25 PM
 
12,391 posts, read 6,773,844 times
Reputation: 19983
At least you were invited to Thanksgiving; this bunch had a lovely family dinner two miles away without me, while I -- newly bereaved at that point (just a few weeks) -- ate a frozen dinner at home alone. After that, I began making "other plans" for the holidays.
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Old 01-09-2015, 01:40 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 42,067,877 times
Reputation: 39492
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
At least you were invited to Thanksgiving; this bunch had a lovely family dinner two miles away without me, while I -- newly bereaved at that point (just a few weeks) -- ate a frozen dinner at home alone. After that, I began making "other plans" for the holidays.
Only then - after 20 years of this - you began to make other plans?
I would have thought you would start making other plans 19 year ago....
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Old 01-09-2015, 01:49 PM
 
12,391 posts, read 6,773,844 times
Reputation: 19983
I celebrated the holidays with my brother and mother UNTIL SHE DIED RECENTLY. Jeez, this is a tough crowd!
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Old 01-09-2015, 02:20 PM
 
13,850 posts, read 23,352,140 times
Reputation: 39017
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
I celebrated the holidays with my brother and mother UNTIL SHE DIED RECENTLY. Jeez, this is a tough crowd!
So it sounds as though your brother has maintained at least some sort of relationship with you over the years. He came around while your mother was sick also. Focus on keeping that bond alive. I'm not sure what is to be gained by continuing to attempt to foster a relationship with either your SIL or your niece. But let your brother know he is important to you, on his own.
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Old 01-09-2015, 02:32 PM
 
12,391 posts, read 6,773,844 times
Reputation: 19983
Our/my relationship with my brother was never a problem; still isn't.
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Old 01-09-2015, 03:02 PM
 
13,850 posts, read 23,352,140 times
Reputation: 39017
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Our/my relationship with my brother was never a problem; still isn't.
Of course it is. If it was "no problem", he would stick up for you against his wife, and you wouldn't find yourself eating a frozen dinner on holidays. Why are you giving him a pass?
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Old 01-09-2015, 03:26 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,081 posts, read 26,272,715 times
Reputation: 18120
Expectations of what a "normal family", whatever that may be for you, keep you emotionally unhappy.
SIL hasn't lost any sleep, feeling no loss. Your brother did help during moms last days. After 20 yrs, the why's and how's, unimportant. Emotionally, it looks as though moms death and sudden appearance of nieces FB friending brought this to surface again.

Let it go, easier said than done. No one in my family speaks to each other, at all. Mom passed last year. Though the circumstances are a bit different, I had to stop letting it consume my thoughts.

Peace to you.
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Old 01-09-2015, 03:28 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,016 posts, read 24,439,172 times
Reputation: 24638
It's a tough situation for sure. She has no idea your side of the story. Sending her gifts isn't going to open up a relationship. If you want one with her you need to figure out a way to approach her without being negative towards your SIL. Even with your SIL blocking the relationship 20 years is a long time to finally make a go at getting to know your niece.
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