Disgrace of a Father-In-Law (wife, girlfriend, spouse, husband)

[l.wilson]

O.K. so here is my issue. My dad passed away after a very long and painful muscle disease in which I was one of his main care takers. My husbands family knew about my dad's disease and the toll it took on me. Well when my dad finally passed (God rest his poor soul!) I never heard one word of condolences from my husbands dad,brother,or sister. Well I find that a bit heartless however the thing that really bothers me is that my husband doesn't think anything of it, and that I shouldn't have an issue with it! Now my husbands dad is throwing a B-day party for himself at a local restraunt and everyone in our family is invited but me. His reasoning is this, his daughter is gay and has a girlfriend in which he doesn't want to attend, so only blood family is invited, so his daughter-in-law of 20 years (ME) and the girlfriend are not invited. Well kinda weird when my 3 kids and husband got ready and went to the party. And the kicker once again is.....My husband doesn't see anything wrong with it. Love to hear your comments one way or another!!

[foma]

I don't understand how the FIL can invite his son but not the DIL, the son's wife! IMO, that goes hand in hand. What the heck. he is definitely in the wrong but hey, what are you gonna do?

I would be more concerned about your feelings towards your hsuband. Please tell him honestly how you feel about how he and his family reacted to your father's death. When my Dad died, I was absolutely devastated but my in-laws were wonderful. I try to picture how things would be like had they been like yours and I would've been completely taken aback by. I am very very sorry of your loss. {hugs}

[Homewardbound66]

Okay. I will tell you what I think. I think your father in law is heartless and your husband needs to see a counselor. If he can't see how this might affect your heart than someone else needs to be able to place him in your shoes. Have you always had problems with his family or this new? They definitely sound unconcerned with people's emotions. Good luck to you and I hope you get a lot of positive support from people on this board. I am sending you a big cyber hug!!!!

[Roaddog]

Thats a insult by your husband more than the FIL, he should be ashamed of himself and beg your forgiveness, the in-laws are fools but the husband is far worst for putting up with it.
I feel bad for you and please don't put up with that type of behaivour.

[leavingcali]

Your FIL is a monster, and your husband isn't any better. In fact, if your husband stood up for you, I bet your FIL would treat you a bit better as he would then know that his behavior is not going to be put up with. I think you should cut off the FIL (he's toxic and you don't need him in your life) and start going to marriage counceling immediately.

I feel very badly for you. Your FIL sounds an awful lot like mine, but when my FIL didn't offer any condolences for my grandma's death and instead said, "I heard she was worth a lot of money; how much did she leave you" (no "I am sorry for your loss" or anything) my husband said "we're leaving." You need to stand up against both of them.

[songinthewind7]

You have my sympathy for the loss of your dad.
It's not easy losing someone.
I think your FIL is an a******. So is your husband for accepting an invitation when you're not invited.
I would be more concerned with your husbands behavior than your FIL's. If my S/O did something like that to me, I would be hitting the road. I will not deal with someone like that.

[Pikantari]

Ok, here is my spin.

Well, we know your FIL is just wrong.

Your husband. Sounds like he sees nothing wrong in his fathers behavior. I have been a in a very similar situation. Husband and mother in law.

Yes, a jerk.... but I have learned, that he was conditioned to this behavior. We are no longer together due to many variables, this being one.

I would say that most likely, had my mil not been a part of our lives all these years, we probably would not be separated right now. But.. Thank god we are.

I agree with an above poster in the fact that your dh should have some counseling, you as well. To deal with this situation. He will not change until he realizes that it is actually wrong, like right now, he feels it is normal behavior, because it is what he knows.

Also, my condolances to you, it is hard to lose your parents, even harder when the person closest to you does not think it is really all that.

The biggest of hugs to you. If there is no one else that we can lean on during a time like this, it has got to be our spouse. I have been through the death of both of my parents with little to no condolance from my s2bx...
It is just wrong. I can say, I understand. Been there

[holloway1010]

I say have your mother throw herself a birthday party and have her invite you and not your husband and see how he feels. lol. But really, if my FIL was like yours, I don't think I would wanna go to his little party.

[l.wilson]

Validation is a beautiful thing! Thanks for all your responses. Well after many years of issues like this from my father-in-law, I did recently finally end any relationship we had. My husband had a talk with his dad and his dad admitted that he "avoids me, or dismisses me" Well in laymens terms he is admitting to being an a$$! And all these years my husband would never validate my feelings but dismiss them and make them out to be 'my issues'. I remember telling myself over and over 'take the high road' when we would roll into his driveway. Since we did some real estate together there were many times when we would stay in his home. I can't imagine being rude to someone in my own home! And ours the very few times he came. My husband sees it now however the idea that he would just dismiss my feelings on this and many other isssues throughout the years does make me want to hit the road!!

[christina0001]

You're husband is being a huge jerk, no offense. You're married, therefore you are family. His father's issue with his daughter and her partner have nothing to do with it.