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Have to agree with some of the others that it sounds more like your mom is concerned that you are almost thirty and not taking your first steps at 'settling down' to having a family. If a family is not in your near future plans you might want to let mom know that you aren't ready to consider that and to chill out for a while. In a nice way of course, lol.
Mom should have some pride that you're doing so well. You're in a good situation. I think you should tell her just like you explained in your post.
On the other hand, maybe what she really wants to say is, "Why don't you marry and give me a grandchild!"
I think that's exactly what she's saying. You should be proud of the fact that you are making sound financial decisions by using a roommate as a way of living within your means AND choosing roommates who are trustworthy people that you can get along with. Maybe tell her nicely that it's your life and your living situation. How exactly you can go about that I'm not sure
Grandma always said don't ever live alone. She said you get used to not having to share a space and will never be able to adapt to living with another person after living alone. Grandmas a wise woman.
Sorry moms annoying you but I'm sure its coming from a place of good but misguided intentions. Can you just tell her f!at out that you simply don't want to live alone. No reasons just look mom I have no desire to live alone and probably never will.
grandma is right, grandma is wise. ive been living on my own for so long i could not adapt to living with someone else. and no it doesn't make me crazy or suicidal either. i like my space. i have to like it cos i can only afford a studio apartment...!!!
I've never lived alone and there are still times I dream of what it must be like. I'm sure if I ever did I'd never be able to share space again. Could you imagine stuff being where it belongs and empty food boxes in the garbage instead of the cupboard and no one stealing your secret cookie stash?
Those grandmas they know their stuff. OP go over moms head, bring grandma naley into the convo.
I've never lived alone and there are still times I dream of what it must be like. I'm sure if I ever did I'd never be able to share space again. Could you imagine stuff being where it belongs and empty food boxes in the garbage instead of the cupboard and no one stealing your secret cookie stash?
Those grandmas they know their stuff. OP go over moms head, bring grandma naley into the convo.
Another thought- could mom dislike the roommate?
Great point. But I'm still thinking Mom wants OP's next roommate to wear diapers and onesies
Without knowing all the details of your life or your roommates, it's hard to know what you should say. Is the issue only the fact that you live with roommates? Or are you also partying or not saving your money, etc.? In other words, is she saying you need to grow up for any other reasons?
At any rate, how about you ask her what her definition of "grown up" is? Something like, "Okay, Mom, I get the message that you don't think I'm grown up. What would your definition of grown up be for me? What is the picture of my life you'd like to see?
Maybe if you put her on the spot, she'll actually tell you. If she just comes back with something vague, then say, "Well, mom, I'd love for you to think of me as grown up, but I guess we will just disagree on what that means. I'm happy with my life, and I think you did a great job raising me. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't bring it up anymore. It is making me want to avoid you, and I don't want our relationship to suffer because I'm feeling hen-pecked."
You'll know how to approach your own Mom, but I'm wondering if you try to pin her down, if that might help. Instead of her vague harping about you not being grown up - get "grown up" defined. Then you can tell her that will happen, or it will never happen, etc. But, I think you need to nicely tell her that if she doesn't quit harping on you, you're going to be avoiding her company. It doesn't sound like she'd like that.
I had to learn to leave my daughter alone about her bad choices in boyfriends. Ironically, once I quit saying anything about them, she actually started complaining about them to me LOL! As parents, there is no magic "off" switch for when we stop telling our kids what to do. I think it usually requires the kid to put up a boundary. That's what happened with my daughter, and I then realized that she was right. She was a grown woman supporting herself, and her life was her own. I don't have to like what she does, but I do need to keep my mouth shut about it - unless she asks for my opinion.
Here's a different idea - You've already explained your reasons to your mother, if she brings it up again ignore her or change the subject. I wouldn't even put anymore energy into explaining it to her, maybe if she doesn't get a response enough times she'll drop it.
BTW, kudos to you for thinking logically about this, living within your means and saving money, she should be proud of you!
As parents, there is no magic "off" switch for when we stop telling our kids what to do. I think it usually requires the kid to put up a boundary. That's what happened with my daughter, and I then realized that she was right. She was a grown woman supporting herself, and her life was her own. I don't have to like what she does, but I do need to keep my mouth shut about it - unless she asks for my opinion.
Well said
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