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I don't work, but I've got a fairly busy schedule with my kids' schoolwork, exercise, and my parents. My dad has dementia and he's too unpredictable to be around a kid who isn't family, but it's really important to both of my parents that they can come visit a couple times a week, because there aren't many places where my dad can go anymore. I would tell my neighbor that's why I can't pick his kid up every day, but it's kind of awkward when he hasn't even asked me. I feel like if I say it can't be an everyday thing, he'll say he wasn't planning on that, just a few days until he gets childcare arrangements made, but if I don't say anything, he'll figure that I am the childcare arrangements.
I don't feel like you need to give them any explanation. You don't need to explain "why" you can't take care of his child.
"I'm sorry it is just not going to work for me to take care of your child" Period.
I was a stay at home Mom for 17 years. I could only be responsible for my own three.
I took my ID to the school, and I had both of the parents' phone numbers. I was expecting to have trouble picking him up because I hadn't ever met his teacher and hadn't had kids at that school for a couple of years now. But I walked up to the area where they keep the kindergarteners, told the teacher who I was looking for, the little guy (who I didn't recognize because he had a big jacket with a hood) started bouncing up and down, and the teacher said, "Have a good weekend!" and that was it. She didn't ask for my name to check against a note from the parents or send me to the office to verify that I was supposed to pick him up or anything.
I was surprised at how easy it was to pick up someone else's kid from the school without showing identification or even giving my name.
That would never, ever happen at the schools where I worked.
Often teachers would require the person picking up a child, even after the parent sent a note, to verify their identity with their driver's licence (if they had not previously met the person).
One school even required a child's own parent to sign as they picked up their 4-K student every single day.
Dealing with neighbor kids is tricky. I haven't had this particular problem, but I have had neighbors/their kids with no boundaries. I haven't found a solution that wouldn't potentially cause problems in the future. I've tried avoidance and maintaining politeness where you don't answer the phone or texts. The parents just physically hunt you down anyway and there you are stuck with them and their kid again. If you say 'no' to something, the parents want a reason and if you just give a polite excuse, there they are again. It gets icky. I think you are just going to have to be pretty blunt about it and say they are affecting your family dynamics.
Thats sad you have no control over your own boundaries. "No I cant" means just that. No one can force you to take their kid. Its not their problem, its yours.
That would never, ever happen at the schools where I worked.
Often teachers would require the person picking up a child, even after the parent sent a note, to verify their identity with their driver's licence (if they had not previously met the person).
This ^ precisely, at our schools.
OP, I agree with many of the others.... a one-time, in-person talk with both parents is necessary. Honestly, after the first occasion, you should have told them no on the second ask, even if you were available, as the second ask happening so quickly after the first was their way of confirming the ease with which they are able to take advantage of your generosity.
First and foremost, I feel sorry for that poor little kindergarten kid never knowing who or if anyone is going to pick him up from school.
OP, I can understand the why and I don't envy the envy the position you're in. You sound like a very nice, generous person but you know they're taking advantage of your goodnaturedness. I think you're really going to have to talk to the parents and impress upon them that their child needs reliable childcare, and you aren't available. Not answering the phone or ignoring their texts would make them get the hint eventually, but the bottom line is there's still a little kindergarten kid who needs to get home. I understand the other posters who say that it's not your kid, not your problem but for me, personally, I would feel terrible if I knew the kid had no way of getting home. He shouldn't be used as a pawn.
I walked. When my kids went to that school, we rode our bikes there and back, but the neighbor's son doesn't have a bike. It's a short walk through the neighborhood, so not a big deal unless the weather is bad.
The neighbor texted to ask about today while I was typing my original post and I told him that today my daughter has a lesson (she goes to online school, but they have some scheduled webcam lessons with their teachers) that she can't miss, and that I don't leave my kids home alone.
First....You offered, and most folks would know that you meant occasionally....But folks that take advantage, like these folks are doing, wear a person out with favors.
I can well imagine, because it worked on you....They are sitting and planning their week around free daycare...."Mom can take him today....I'll just text Ms Hedghog for Tues....She won't mind".
I would stop with the explanations....You do not owe them any explanations....It contributes to them taking advantage. Just say, No....I am not available....end of conversation.
I think there is more to this then you have said in the OP......Are these folks your kids friends parents, or live next door....for some reason you feel a strong obligation, and cannot say No.
In fact...I think if you really want to nip this in the bud....Take an itemized bill over to them for daycare you've already provided...They will stop calling, I could guarantee...lol
EDIT....I read the whole thread....Quite interesting ideas and responses. The common suggestion was to talk to them..Simply tell them that your original offer was meant as a gesture of neighborliness. Say that you had no idea they would need you every day. And, while you were a good sport about helping them this past week. ...that you, as a busy Mom, and caregiver to your parents simply are not available for routine daycare services. Ha,Ha....Maybe text that to them after work....
Best to just be unavailable. Don't answer his calls, and if he texts you, respond too late. They'll figure out that they need to pay someone for reliable aftercare.
If you didn't have the demented aged parent to care for, you could open an aftercare paying playdate type of business. But I could see how it could be scary for little kids to be around certain types of advanced dementia.
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and I told him that today my daughter has a lesson (she goes to online school, but they have some scheduled webcam lessons with their teachers) that she can't miss, and that I don't leave my kids home alone.
