Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is it possible that they are just 'being friendly' with their invites, not expecting you to take them up on it?
I was wondering that, too. Like when you run into someone you haven't seen in a while, and you say, "Oh, we should get together sometime!" when both of you know that you're not going to really get together. It's just something you say, not a formal invitation.
I wanted feedback from people who have actually experienced the same dilemma. I particularly appreciated Shyguylh's feedback. I think his point about not moving at all was the most helpful to me. One of the reasons why I posted about this whole issue is that I myself was contemplating a location change to a far flung place and one of the reasons why I didn't go was because I know certain people who I really care about would not be able to visit, at least not more than once a year. Ultimately I decided not to move.
It's very nice for people to invite others to come and visit but my point was that not everyone wants to travel to see a friend. I wanted to hear from people who felt similarly and how they handled it. I didn't need to hear from the "naysayers" who always seem to want to get on these posts and state why you are wrong about your viewpoint. Really, I don't need to be scolded about not wanting to travel, or scolded that I don't care about my friends and that I will lose them and die a lonely person because I don't have friends. Oh please. Not the point.
As for the reasons why the friends can't travel, it's the same reasons that anyone else has: aging parents, kids, husbands who don't want to go along so wives who won't go without them, lack of money, lack of time, other activities that mean more to them, training for a marathon, church or civic commitments...You know, people have a life, and that means me too. I don't have to explain why i don't want to travel somewhere. I just don't want to. Period.
There you go. Tell them this and then they'll be wring on CD wanting advice on how to reply to you. lol Meeting in the middle puts the same burden on both of you. Somehow I doubt they keep asking you to visit if you did this.
Gee, you have friends who want to give you free board for the weekend and deal with the inconvenience of hosting just to spend time with you. HORRORS!
Look, it sounds like you don't even want to be friends with these people anymore. So just ignore them. Sooner or later they will stop asking and write you out of their lives.
Then, when you're not so busy, you can come back to C-D and complain that you have no friends.
There you go. Tell them this and then they'll be wring on CD wanting advice on how to reply to you. lol Meeting in the middle puts the same burden on both of you. Somehow Idoubt they keep asking you to visit if you did this.
If she REALLY wants to avoid them just loan them money! She'll never hear from them again. Speaking from experience here... lol
I wanted feedback from people who have actually experienced the same dilemma. I particularly appreciated Shyguylh's feedback. I think his point about not moving at all was the most helpful to me. One of the reasons why I posted about this whole issue is that I myself was contemplating a location change to a far flung place and one of the reasons why I didn't go was because I know certain people who I really care about would not be able to visit, at least not more than once a year. Ultimately I decided not to move.
It's very nice for people to invite others to come and visit but my point was that not everyone wants to travel to see a friend. I wanted to hear from people who felt similarly and how they handled it. I didn't need to hear from the "naysayers" who always seem to want to get on these posts and state why you are wrong about your viewpoint. Really, I don't need to be scolded about not wanting to travel, or scolded that I don't care about my friends and that I will lose them and die a lonely person because I don't have friends. Oh please. Not the point.
As for the reasons why the friends can't travel, it's the same reasons that anyone else has: aging parents, kids, husbands who don't want to go along so wives who won't go without them, lack of money, lack of time, other activities that mean more to them, training for a marathon, church or civic commitments...You know, people have a life, and that means me too. I don't have to explain why i don't want to travel somewhere. I just don't want to. Period.
I think your issue is that not many people feel like you do. It doesn't seem normal to me to be bothered by friends inviting you for a visit. My 2 BFFs live thousands of miles away. We make an effort to see each other because we care. If we didn't, we wouldn't be friends.
Then what are you asking here? Tell these "friends" you don't want to travel. I bet they stop inviting you.
"BFFs"? What, are you like, 25? Sure, when I was in my 20's, I bopped all across America visiting people too. I'm not 25 anymore. Try almost 60. And how about spending the last 10 years of your life taking care of an elderly parent and working non-stop 11-12 hour days? Would YOU feel like travelling thousands of miles to visit a friend? Maybe not. Now that my parent is gone, I just feel spent. I want to be home, I want to nurture myself and do what I want to do for a change, not doing stuff that everyone else thinks I should do.
KibbieKat, why did you even respond? You aren't in my shoes at all! I asked for feedback from people who are struggling with the same dilemma as me. You aren't walking in my shoes, so your "feedback" is unwanted.
"BFFs"? What, are you like, 25? Sure, when I was in my 20's, I bopped all across America visiting people too. I'm not 25 anymore. Try almost 60. And how about spending the last 10 years of your life taking care of an elderly parent and working non-stop 11-12 hour days? Would YOU feel like travelling thousands of miles to visit a friend? Maybe not. Now that my parent is gone, I just feel spent. I want to be home, I want to nurture myself and do what I want to do for a change, not doing stuff that everyone else thinks I should do.
KibbieKat, why did you even respond? You aren't in my shoes at all! I asked for feedback from people who are struggling with the same dilemma as me. You aren't walking in my shoes, so your "feedback" is unwanted.
Wow! Rude! This is the internet. You don't get to decide who responds. I'm over 40, BTW. Bff is an easy abbreviation on my phone. You sound like a crotchety old person. Just tell them you are too tired to travel. Why is that so hard?
And how about spending the last 10 years of your life taking care of an elderly parent and working non-stop 11-12 hour days? Would YOU feel like travelling thousands of miles to visit a friend? Maybe not. Now that my parent is gone, I just feel spent.
Maybe your friends are just trying to be kind. They know you've had a rough go of it lately, and they're offering a break and some companionship. If that's not what you want, then it's not what you want.
I'm not 25 anymore. Try almost 60. And how about spending the last 10 years of your life taking care of an elderly parent and working non-stop 11-12 hour days? Would YOU feel like travelling thousands of miles to visit a friend? Maybe not. Now that my parent is gone, I just feel spent. I want to be home, I want to nurture myself and do what I want to do for a change, not doing stuff that everyone else thinks I should do.
Thank you for adding those details. I agree with fleetiebelle, perhaps your friends miss you after your years apart and want you to have a fun and relaxing time together at their homes?
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Maybe your friends are just trying to be kind. They know you've had a rough go of it lately, and they're offering a break and some companionship. If that's not what you want, then it's not what you want.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
