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I've written about this friend before. It used to be a lot more complicated. Now it's just irritating. We used to text all the time. He's a friend from childhood that I reconnected with after 30yrs. Well, we are both married with kids, we both work full time, life gets busy blah blah blah. I was fighting hard to keep the friendship going, but it got to be too much work and frankly, my energy has other places to be. I'm ok that things have faded although initially I was very confused and hurt by it. Since we were "just" friends it didn't make sense to me. Whatever. That's not the point of this thread.
The point is, if he's going to stop talking to me, STOP already. I don't initiate contact with him anymore. I get that he's busy and has a lot going on. But over the last several months, his responses have gotten less and less "engaged". He used to tell me what was going on. Now when I ask how he is, the answer is invariably, "Fine, thanks" with no elaboration. He still initiates contact regularly, but barely responds to my responses. Why bother?? The whole thing is irritating and I wish he would just stop.
I don't want to make a stink about it. But I'm tired of it. Seems rude to just NOT respond to him when he texts me (although at this point sometimes I don't respond for several hours - but then I start feeling bad, so I'll respond, only to be met with silence until the next time he initiates contact)
I am a reliable friend. I respond to phone calls and texts. I've never had a "friend" (I'm starting to used this term very loosely with him) act this way, so I don't really know what the appropriate response is. And yes, when this first started happening, I mentioned that it bothered me and he did make an effort. But at this point it's not even worth bringing up bcs it's gotten to be the norm. And it's not like he "owes" me anything.
But like I said, if he's going to ghost, GHOST already!
So what are my options?? I don't want some lame drama but I want him to stop. This is further complicated by the fact that I am in touch with his sister and his wife. So I can't just just block him. Bcs that would cause drama and seems childish.
Last edited by Charlotterising; 02-07-2015 at 07:17 AM..
I'm not sure what you're getting so upset about it. Friendships come and go and they also fade which is obviously what this one is doing which seems to suit you on the one hand but irritates you on the other when he doesn't "engage" with you. There's no "drama" involved, nor should there be. Why should he "stop", what are you making such a big production about? You're apparently rather anal about responding to text messages almost immediately. Good grief, just wait a couple of days or a week before responding to what's apparently idle chit-chat. Not everything is black and white and neither are friendships.
I'm not sure what you're getting so upset about it. Friendships come and go and they also fade which is obviously what this one is doing which seems to suit you on the one hand but irritates you on the other when he doesn't "engage" with you. There's no "drama" involved, nor should there be. Why should he "stop", what are you making such a big production about? You're apparently rather anal about responding to text messages almost immediately. Good grief, just wait a couple of days or a week before responding to what's apparently idle chit-chat. Not everything is black and white and neither are friendships.
I agree with STT. Sometimes friendships fade and that is completely normal. Let it go peacefully and invest your emotions in people that you really connect with. Good luck with everything!
It must mean more to you than you say otherwise an occasional hey there text with a casual friend wouldn't upset you. Sounds like he is in the same place - life has him occupied in other ways and he's just feeling an tedious obligation to keep in touch now and then.
If you want to end this friendship, just so that you can stop getting these annoying texts once in a while, then the next time he texts you, wait a day, and say "hey, I've been really busy lately, hope you are doing well" and leave it at that. Just keep writing that to him and after a while he will realize, "hey she's too busy so I'll stop bothering her", then it's over and neither of you should feel bad about the friendship just fading away.
As for his wife and sister, just be normal with them and don't explain yourself about your reasoning for ending the relationship with this guy.
After a while, you will forget this and move on to something else.
I agree with the gist of what several posters wrote. I think of it this way: OP, you are over-thinking, over-analyzing, and agonizing about something which is very simple. Your friend has ratcheted down the responses, so you can do the same. Wait a day or two to respond - what's this nonsense about having to respond within hours? Why are you elevating this to a complicated problem?
I have a female (platonic) friend who has taken to being rude to me. So rather than creating drama confronting her about it, I just ceased responding to her phone calls. High maintenance people are not worth the effort most of the time.
There may be a male/female difference in how we approach these kinds of things. In my experience females are more likely to go the over-thinking, over-analyzing route and get involved in complicated mental gymnastics.
I've written about this friend before. It used to be a lot more complicated. Now it's just irritating. We used to text all the time. He's a friend from childhood that I reconnected with after 30yrs. Well, we are both married with kids, we both work full time, life gets busy blah blah blah. I was fighting hard to keep the friendship going, but it got to be too much work and frankly, my energy has other places to be. I'm ok that things have faded although initially I was very confused and hurt by it. Since we were "just" friends it didn't make sense to me. Whatever. That's not the point of this thread.
The point is, if he's going to stop talking to me, STOP already. I don't initiate contact with him anymore. I get that he's busy and has a lot going on. But over the last several months, his responses have gotten less and less "engaged". He used to tell me what was going on. Now when I ask how he is, the answer is invariably, "Fine, thanks" with no elaboration. He still initiates contact regularly, but barely responds to my responses. Why bother?? The whole thing is irritating and I wish he would just stop.
I don't want to make a stink about it. But I'm tired of it. Seems rude to just NOT respond to him when he texts me (although at this point sometimes I don't respond for several hours - but then I start feeling bad, so I'll respond, only to be met with silence until the next time he initiates contact)
I am a reliable friend. I respond to phone calls and texts. I've never had a "friend" (I'm starting to used this term very loosely with him) act this way, so I don't really know what the appropriate response is. And yes, when this first started happening, I mentioned that it bothered me and he did make an effort. But at this point it's not even worth bringing up bcs it's gotten to be the norm. And it's not like he "owes" me anything.
But like I said, if he's going to ghost, GHOST already!
So what are my options?? I don't want some lame drama but I want him to stop. This is further complicated by the fact that I am in touch with his sister and his wife. So I can't just just block him. Bcs that would cause drama and seems childish.
You have already made "a stink" about this situation several times so the short answer is quit responding to hix texts and eventually he will quit sending them.
PS ~~ You also already have the lame drama that you have brought upon yourself so end it or don't but do something.
Wow so this person doesn't fit the narrow parameters you've established as a basis for a friend? Yikes. Maybe you should learn how to go with the flow instead of trying to squeeze people into that little box you've created. Try not to have so many expectations. A texting relationship is way different then the real world. Trying to establish a relationship that way is awkward. So much is missed by not seeing facial expressions and body language. Take a chill pill and don't end the friendship because of your self imposed limitations. You may actually miss out on a really good 3D friendship. Try spending more time in person and less in the fantasy land of texting.
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