Would you ever forgive your friend for cheating on the man you had planned to marry? (spouse, roommate)

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by RedTexanTea

HappyFarm you may be the only one on your Happy Little Farm that doesn't realize this but she isn't your friend anymore. Friendship is a two way relationship, this clearly is not a friendship if she doesn't participate in it.

Make new friends.....that you don't stab in the back, move on, leave the woman in peace. I think you are jealous of her life which is why you continue to try to be a part of it, albeit unwanted.

nope. wrong answer. Im not jealous. Where I live, it's somewhat an isolated country area. Neighbors are scattered and keep to themselves. Easier than done to say move to the city or town where there's more people and more things to be involved in.

Join a Church??? Im not a religious person.

One of the roadblocks I've struggled all my life is being hearing impaired. That itself made it even more difficult to make new friends. Any social activities that involved the Deaf culture is across town on average 30-40 minutes away.

Even with new friends, I have a hard time with it. Maintaining a "give n take" conversation is a like pulling teeth.

When I was hanging around my friend before the affair even started, I wasn't aware there was a whole another world out there. Or I was just to blind to see it. That and being scared of the world in general. Being scared of driving limiting to certain areas put a roadblock on self-growth.

My friend was the the closest friend I had in chilhood before withdrawing into my own little world until we reunited again that led to a distaster

[blind spot]

Well since you clearly don't think you did anything wrong and nothing is your fault and you have an answer for everything why even post?? You obviously feel your friend should just forget it ever happened and move on and nothing anyone says will change that.

[HappyRain]

Originally Posted by blind spot

Well since you clearly don't think you did anything wrong and nothing is your fault and you have an answer for everything why even post?? You obviously feel your friend should just forget it ever happened and move on and nothing anyone says will change that.

Agreed with this.

I have to ask. Do you really regret what you did to her. Do you really feel bad that you help her fiance betray and hurt her? Or do you just regret you were caught and it worked out badly for you? Really think about that.

You said you continued sleeping with him afterward, so were you thinking about your "friend" then? If not, why care all of a sudden when she found out.

It's like partners who cheat, then when they get caught, they're sorry and want to work things out. "Where was that attitude before while you were humping someone else?" Surely not thinking of working things out then, least not with their partner. The cheater already had it worked out where they do what they want, and only care for that, and it made them happy. Now, it's backfired and they're trying something else that benefits them.

So you do sound selfish, because everything is about how you feel, and what makes you happy. Love is self-sacrificing. If you love your friend, and her not talking to you makes her happy and able to move on, you should back off. But you won't because it's not convenient for you, and you don't care what she wants.

Making new friends is hard for you.

Your posts just seem very "ME."

She was all you had.
She was there for you.
Her friendship was convenient for you.

Is there anything about this girl you care for, other than how she serves you? Really think about that too.

From your posts, sounds like your feelings are like people who call a friend when they need a ride someplace with their real friends. Or when they call a friend to do something when better options aren't available. It's not the person they care for, so much as how that person benefits them in some way.

But in any case, you have gotten tons of answers. And most have given reasons for why they wouldn't forgive a friend who did such. So, if you wanna keep contacting your friend, fine. But don't be shocked if it's just like the V-day card, where she ignores you. I guess ultimately if she gets fed up enough, she;ll take actions such as changing her number or blocking you, if she get tired enough.

So keep it up. But chances are, you're just wasting time. Unless your life still sucks and you truly have nothing else to do other than chase after ex friends who don't care for you.

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by blind spot

Well since you clearly don't think you did anything wrong and nothing is your fault and you have an answer for everything why even post?? You obviously feel your friend should just forget it ever happened and move on and nothing anyone says will change that.

I know I had done wrong. The betrayel of our long-standing friendship. I regret the pain that she feels of my betrayel to her ex

Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate

Agreed with this.

I have to ask. Do you really regret what you did to her. Do you really feel bad that you help her fiance betray and hurt her?

Is there anything about this girl you care for, other than how she serves you?

Yes I do really regret what I had done to her. Yes I really feel bad thar I betrayed n hurt her.

What I like anout her....

She's funny, sweet, accepted who I was despite my hearing difficulties, smart

[RedTexanTea]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I know I had done wrong. The betrayel of our long-standing friendship. I regret the pain that she feels of my betrayel to her ex



Yes I do really regret what I had done to her. Yes I really feel bad thar I betrayed n hurt her.

What I like anout her....

She's funny, sweet, accepted who I was despite my hearing difficulties, smart

HappyFarm,

You will find other friends who are funny, sweet and accept your hearing difficulties. You say you have changed, take those changes that make you a better person and move forward with your life. The funny and sometimes cruel thing in life is that when a phase has passed it is time to move onto the next phase. You can't recreate a happy place in time or the feelings that go with it.

It sounds like you learned some hard lessons, relationships are fragile. When you find another good friend this experience hopefully will make you a better friend the next time around.

[HappyRain]

Originally Posted by RedTexanTea

HappyFarm,

You will find other friends who are funny, sweet and accept your hearing difficulties. You say you have changed, take those changes that make you a better person and move forward with your life. The funny and sometimes cruel thing in life is that when a phase has passed it is time to move onto the next phase. You can't recreate a happy place in time or the feelings that go with it.

It sounds like you learned some hard lessons, relationships are fragile. When you find another good friend this experience hopefully will make you a better friend the next time around.

Agreed here. You can meet another nice woman with those same qualities. It may not be easy. making true friends is hard. But it's possible. Because you will only ever be an acquaintance with this now ex friend.

I know you have hearing issues. And that's unfortunate. My vision isn't that good, 20/200, and the reason I have no driver's license right now, which is nothing but a hassle in a small rural area with no public transpo, where I have to find people to drive me places. But there's things to do, regarding both of us, and out situations.

Are you shy? if not, just be more vocal and talk to people. Making friends is hard, but if it's something you want badly enough, it just takes effort to make some. Because with this ex friend, you don't seem to be getting anywhere with her after 4 years.

It's like my mother and her grandmother. My grandmother. She had my mother young, and left my her with her grandparents and that was it. Now years later, she's settle down, calmed down and tries to reestablish a relationship with my mother. Finally my mother told her to stop trying so hard. Her childhood is over, and they won't ever be that close. And that her grandmother was her mother. They still talk, text and chat. But they aren't that close. The damage is done. They live near one another, and my grandmother works in a local store. but even with that, they don't see one another everyday.

That's you. You're pushing and trying to break boundaries that have been set, which is, she can tolerate you at events and in public. But you won't ever be her friend again. And evidenced when she doesn't even want to hang out when her husband is gone. You're an acquaintance she can be cordial to, but not a friend that she can trust or wants to be with.

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate

Agreed here. You can meet another nice woman with those same qualities. It may not be easy. making true friends is hard. But it's possible. Because you will only ever be an acquaintance with this now ex friend.

I know you have hearing issues. And that's unfortunate. My vision isn't that good, 20/200, and the reason I have no driver's license right now, which is nothing but a hassle in a small rural area with no public transpo, where I have to find people to drive me places. But there's things to do, regarding both of us, and out situations.

Are you shy? if not, just be more vocal and talk to people. Making friends is hard, but if it's something you want badly enough, it just takes effort to make some. Because with this ex friend, you don't seem to be getting anywhere with her after 4 years.

It's like my mother and her grandmother. My grandmother. She had my mother young, and left my her with her grandparents and that was it. Now years later, she's settle down, calmed down and tries to reestablish a relationship with my mother. Finally my mother told her to stop trying so hard. Her childhood is over, and they won't ever be that close. And that her grandmother was her mother. They still talk, text and chat. But they aren't that close. The damage is done. They live near one another, and my grandmother works in a local store. but even with that, they don't see one another everyday.

That's you. You're pushing and trying to break boundaries that have been set, which is, she can tolerate you at events and in public. But you won't ever be her friend again. And evidenced when she doesn't even want to hang out when her husband is gone. You're an acquaintance she can be cordial to, but not a friend that she can trust or wants to be with.

Shyness always been an issue. Even with a therapist, psychiatrist, and meds, that didn't help with my social anxiety. Even with trying different meds. It doesn't matter if its someone one-on-one or group of people.

[HappyRain]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

Shyness always been an issue. Even with a therapist, psychiatrist, and meds, that didn't help with my social anxiety. Even with trying different meds. It doesn't matter if its someone one-on-one or group of people.

I understand I am the same way. Shy to a fault. There was a time when I was too shy to pick up a phone and call someone, for anything, be it making a doctor's appointment, or simple as ordering food. My mother usually did my talking for me with professional things, and I would occasionally chime in.

Now, as I grow more and start doing more stuff, Because I am ready to take charge of my life and feel more accomplished, I am no longer shy in that regard. I forced myself to not be. If I need to call and make an appointment, I can. if I wanna call and order food, I can. I have at least moved to a point where I can interact with people professionally. If I need help, I can find someone and ask. But socially is still an issue.

Therapy may not help. neither will counselling with some stuff. I didn't receive either. Sometimes it takes doing, because people can talk to you. But it may not get you over a block until you face it yourself, more personally. Like a girl who was attacked in a parking garage. As she grew, she then faced the fear and walked around in one after parking, to help get passed it.

For you, if there's someone you can strike up a conversation with, try that. It can be small. An old friend I had for years became that friend just because I asked to borrow a pencil. Then I gave it back to her, and started up a chat from there. It was a bold move for me, but it worked. Now I haven't done that much, so it's still intimidating. But the more you do it, the easier it can get and then you can know what to do in certain situations. Like how I graduated from being terrified of any interaction, to be lax and fine in professional interactions.

Like this ex friend. Even though she doesn't like you, you aren't scared to send her texts and cards. Have that determination toward other people. And with these new people, you have a clean slate. So you won't be making moves toward people you're already on bad terms with. You will run into rude people. Sadly they exist. But there's nice social people out that love chatting with new people. If someone seems to have a bad attitude, forget them and move to someone else. Then after a while, you may become a social butterfly, and look back thinking "I can't believe I was like that before?" My father was the same. Shy and quiet, which he still can be sometimes. But now, he's extrovert to the point of obnoxious. lol

[Howest2008]

Originally Posted by convextech
Stings and hurts?! Are you for real? I guess what YOU did to HER didn't hurt at all?

There is no irony here, other than you trying to make yourself look better by pointing out HIS other mistakes. If you were really sorry about what you did, that wouldn't come up at all.

Why in the world would you send her a Valentine's Day Card when you screwed her over? I'd use that card as kindling in my fireplace, if I didn't rip it up the minute I saw it was from a howewrecking former friend. I'd feel the same way if it was my sister, but many people think "blood is thicker than water". I'm not one of them.

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I know I hurt her, Im not denying that.

She must be one of those people that think "blood is thicker than water". It just bugs me that her sister got involved with him as well and they seem to get along when I see them

Listen Girl blood is thicker than Water , and sometimes Blood Is Even Thicker Than Mud......LOL

[GiGi603]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

She has another man now that she's currently married to.

And you sent her a Valentine's day card??!!

What is your agenda? Stop it, leave her alone. She doesn't want to be friends anymore. Case closed.