Hierarchy of love (husband, siblings, person, member)
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This is interesting. There's a lot of truth in this hierarchy, and it definitely exists - but I think a lot depends on how you were raised and the closeness of your family. My aunts and uncles are DEFINITELY fall somewhere between unconditional and strong conditional. And my aunts and uncle, and his mother (who is my aunt) still love (from a distance) and do things for my cousin, who is drug addicted, has talked meanly to family members, and even stolen from a couple. They didn't disown him or stop loving for him. Now that he's in a nursing home, they still bring him things and take care of him. That's pretty "unconditional".
I know some folks who are close to strong conditional with distant adult cousins, if they were raised kind of close.
Some of this may be cultural too. I'm African-American, and I notice more of an emphasis put on cousins than other cultures (not in MY family, but in most AA families I observe).
Personally, as a single, childless only child with few relatives my age, I was always aware of this "hierarchy" and I always feel like I get the short end of the stick. Thank GOD for my parents; without them, I'd have nothing or nobody. Folks say "Only children create their own family", this is BS. No, you don't "create your own family". That's not possible. Family is family, and there is no way to create these bonds. You can have REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLY close friends, but they're not your family. I have a BFF who is close to me like family, but her kids and husband come first. She forgave her sister after she did ALL MANNER of awful, destructive things to her; I know I would not be extended the same courtesy (not that I would do any shady things to my friend anyway, just making a point). You are kind of aware of your place on the "hierarchy".
Thank GOD for my parents; without them, I'd have nothing or nobody. Folks say "Only children create their own family", this is BS. No, you don't "create your own family". That's not possible. Family is family, and there is no way to create these bonds. You can have REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLY close friends, but they're not your family. I have a BFF who is close to me like family, but her kids and husband come first. She forgave her sister after she did ALL MANNER of awful, destructive things to her; I know I would not be extended the same courtesy (not that I would do any shady things to my friend anyway, just making a point). You are kind of aware of your place on the "hierarchy".
I completely agree with you. Other posters won't. I have had this argument many times.
Nor do I. The idea that you are required to love someone no matter what disturbs me a bit. So does a hierarchy of love. There aren't rules for this, ya know.
I completely agree with you. Other posters won't. I have had this argument many times.
What are their arguments? Like I said, as an only child with very little family my age, it becomes apparent what "real family" means when you don't have much.
My BFF says I'm her "sister", and we're closer than her and her REAL sister, and tell each other mostly everything. However, she and her sister share a bond that can't be recreated just by the fact they went through infancy and childhood with the same parents. What's more, I know I wouldn't be forgiven if I stole money, tried to destroy her house, told lies to other family members about her, etc. as she did for her real sister. There' a difference.
Would you say you're "supposed" to love relatives in this order from most to least?
Unconditional:
1. Kids 2. Nieces and Nephews (legit ones, not from marriage)
3. Cousins that are children
4. Pets
Strong Conditional:
5. Parents
6. Siblings
7. Grandparents
8. Best Friends
Take them or leave them:
9. Aunts and uncles
10. Adult cousins
11. Other Friends
12. In-Laws
What would your personal hierarchy be in terms of how much you care about specific relationships?
Nieces and Nephews from Marriage are also legitimate.
No hierarchy here, I love who I love equally but I don't always like some of the things they do.
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