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OP, do you have a social life at all? You mentioned that you were not interested in a romantic relationship, but do you have Platonic friends of both sexes? Do you have hobbies or interests or activities which take you out of the house to be with friends and like-minded people on a regular basis, or do you spend all your free time at home?
I'd suggest getting out more, doing whatever interests you and is likely to appeal to like-minded people who might become friendly acquaintances, if not best friends for life. There are many possibilities in most areas, unless you live in a very small town or isolated rural area. Once you establish a social life of sorts, I'd expect the parental pressure would lessen considerably.
But do start thinking about finding your own place. You could still maintain close and warm contact with your parents, and continue to be a good, supportive son in the ways you obviously are at present. But you'd have more space, more freedom, and a good investment as well if you purchase the right property.
While I do spend most of my free time at home, I also have friends that I keep in contact with.
early 30s, living at home, no girlfriend.... I think anyone's parents would begin to get concerned at this stage...
Why dont u move out? Start creating your own life away from mommy and daddy. If u dont wanna date, fine, but get out there and live ur life away from the prying eyes of ur parents. If you're gay, then be gay and own it... if you're like asexual than come out with it and tell people "i have no interest" in dating, so dont expect anything. This is your life. Not theirs. Live it.
I would think your parents would assume that you're not dating because you are in your 30's and still living at home. How can you even date when you're still living with your parents? I remember my nephew was living with his parents, due to divorce, and he was like how would I bring someone home, into my parents' house? Not to mention I'm in the camp of who would want to date someone who still lives with their parents at 30. Red flag!
It isn't known to be unusual in our family. It's easier to take of the house that way, and my parents worry less about my safety.
I do know that some adult children live at home. You mention "caring for the house". Are your parents unable to manage living on their own without your help? Are they elderly or disabled? Would they need to move into an assisted living facility or nursing home without you living with them?
But, why would parents worry about the safety of a 30 something year old son even if he was living in his own house or own apartment? That seems pretty odd.
Why would your parents be worried about the safety of a 30 year old man?
Exactly.
And I don't get how a guy is not interested. I don't get that at all. Are you not attracted to women? Do you not desire them?
I'd be wondering and concerned too. It's perfectly normal for your parents to wonder, it's not very normal for a man to not be interested in women.
But hey, I'm not you. If you're really not interested in women you're not hurting anyone. But it's understandable that your parents are asking about it.
Well I've read most of the posts - I do agree with alot.
OP - Have you thought of maybe traveling or living out of the country maybe go away to school ? Just sounds like, overall, you need to find yourself and gain some independence.
I'm not really sure it's a question of what to say to your parents ? I think it's more like leave the nest, and start your own life. You'll grow in many ways by being on your own.
I know of situations where the mother won't let the son go and they kinda just stay a boy and not really develop in to a man. There is a 28 year old guy living at home, he's never had a relationship and the mother cooks and still does his laundry, it's so sad to see and she's glad he's a mamas boy - I see it like "the bud is on the vine but not growing in to a full flower"
There is another situation I've seen where the mid 60s guy never had a relationship or moved out. To talk with someone this age that had been so sheltered, he doesn't quite have an understanding about how the world works, common sense, life skills smarts, etc. Again, the bud on the vine. If I run in to this guy, he's always really timid, it's hard to have an adult conversation because it's like talking with a child.
People will always find something to 'bug' you about, because they all have those ideas about where you 'should' be in life by a certain age. I was with my husband for 8 years before we got married. For 6-7 of those years, we were harrassed by many people about when we were going to get married. Now, it's constantly 'when are you going to have a baby.' Nobody cares that we haven't felt the need to have a child yet...it's 'supposed' to happen now. I simply just answer "it will happen when it happens." (We haven't told anyone that we started trying recently, either).
Just tell them it will happen when it happens. At the end of the day, they may judge you and be 'suspicious,' but it's really none of their business.
And to the judgemental person who said you are either 'gay' or a 'loser', my brother is single and lives with our parents - he just turned 30 - and he is neither 'gay' nor a 'loser.'
I doubt it. Our living arrangement have been mutually beneficial so far.
You keep lumping them both into the title "parents", but isn't it possible it's just one of them that wishes you'd move out?
I have great friends whose youngest son lived in their basement until he was 31. If you asked the wife, she loved having him in the house. She had coddled him his whole life, financially and emotionally, and it continued into adulthood. She loved having the company, and someone to watch the house while they were gone. She stated on many occasions that it was mutually beneficial.
On the other hand, the husband hated having his son living there at that age. He wanted to spend that time with just his wife, as empty nesters, and their son was always around. It also meant his son could delay adulthood, since he could skate by working a low paying job, because he never paid rent or for groceries (the "trade" was him watching the house). He also saw that his son couldn't maintain a relationship, because most girls wouldn't tolerate a man/child as a potential mate. Can't say I blame them.
It created quite an issue in their marriage, until the wife finally agreed, after the son turned 30, that it was only beneficial to her and the son, but not her husband. Their solution was to buy a condo for the son to live in. I'll never understand their decision, since it's nothing different than before except that he's not physically in their home. But it's not my life or kid.
It's quite possible that only one parent feels it's ok for you to live there with them at that age. Just a thought.
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