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Old 03-01-2015, 02:08 PM
 
Location: SC
8,382 posts, read 5,024,287 times
Reputation: 12029

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I have a neighbor who is diagonal from my house.

Her mother lived with her, but just passed. I believe she was about 80.

Unlike others in the section who I had good relationships with until they moved away, in the 20 years living in the same neighborhood (I was a road warrior working away from home for at least 3/4 of that time) we never said much more than "hello" and exchanged an occasional wave. If we actually spoke more than five minutes at a time, or 40 minutes in total I don't remember it. It is not that we were unfriendly, we just never bonded at all.

Another neighbor called me today to let me know of the mother's passing (I had suspected that was the case because of all the cars) and when the funeral would be. I don't think it would be appropriate to go to the funeral as I never even met the lady.

Somehow a card seems a little less than right, and flowers seem more appropriate I guess, but I am not sure.
I am thinking a small bouquet, but imagine it would probably just be a token.

Maybe just knocking on the door and offering my condolences after the family is gone is more appropriate?

Any suggestions?
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Old 03-01-2015, 02:31 PM
 
11,488 posts, read 5,507,878 times
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How about approaching it this way --- Next time you see the neighbor outside her home, approach her and tell her how sorry you are for her loss.

A few years back, our next door neighbor's father died. The father didn't live there nor did we ever meet him. We only found out about his passing when we were outside chatting with the neighbor. We let him know how sorry we were to hear the news. I also added that I had lost a parent and knew what it was like.

More recently, my brother passed away. We let our neighbor know that we would be away for the funeral. He expressed sympathy. I wouldn't have expected anything more than that.

I'm sure that the next time you see your neighbor, she would appreciate it if you offered condolences.
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Old 03-01-2015, 02:36 PM
 
7,622 posts, read 8,965,962 times
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I don't think a card is inappropriate here. Just make sure to express your condolences and give your full name and address, so they know who you are.
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Old 03-01-2015, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,577 posts, read 4,782,672 times
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I would say a card would be in order.
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Old 03-01-2015, 03:08 PM
 
Location: SC
8,382 posts, read 5,024,287 times
Reputation: 12029
Quote:
Originally Posted by BOS2IAD View Post
How about approaching it this way --- Next time you see the neighbor outside her home, approach her and tell her how sorry you are for her loss.

A few years back, our next door neighbor's father died. The father didn't live there nor did we ever meet him. We only found out about his passing when we were outside chatting with the neighbor. We let him know how sorry we were to hear the news. I also added that I had lost a parent and knew what it was like.

More recently, my brother passed away. We let our neighbor know that we would be away for the funeral. He expressed sympathy. I wouldn't have expected anything more than that.

I'm sure that the next time you see your neighbor, she would appreciate it if you offered condolences.
While I agree in concept... It will most likely not be for another two-to-three months from now.

I don't see her go to or come home from work, and once in - she is in. That of course might change under the circumstance.
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Old 03-01-2015, 03:09 PM
 
Location: SC
8,382 posts, read 5,024,287 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
I don't think a card is inappropriate here. Just make sure to express your condolences and give your full name and address, so they know who you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I would say a card would be in order.
Thanks, I was just not sure that was enough of an acknowledgement.
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Old 03-01-2015, 03:16 PM
 
9,666 posts, read 7,638,989 times
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A casserole, fruit plate, or cheese and crackers plate might be very helpful right now, especially if out-of-town relatives are expected. You could put a card with it, or take it over by itself. If you want the dish back, be sure to tape your name onto the bottom of it.

I am sorry for your neighbor's loss, and think any kind gesture would not be amiss.
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Old 03-01-2015, 04:25 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
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Ask if you can bring a meal over or watch the house during the funeral. Sometimes houses are robbed while families are away at a publicized event like that.
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Old 03-01-2015, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
18,850 posts, read 12,473,150 times
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Send a card or if you want to do a bit more, write a nice note expressing your condolences. This is appropriate.
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Old 03-01-2015, 05:15 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,105 posts, read 17,640,353 times
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I would leave a nice card and a nice flower arrangement and let them know you are there if they need anything .
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