Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm not talking about a person who's a salesman, or someone trying to get your attention for an actual reason. I'm referring to the people in society who feel they have to make eye contact, be noticed/acknowledged, or have some sort of interaction with everyone they happen to come across... It doesn't make any sense at all in my opinion.
If someone doesn't look up at you, even after you've walked into an empty restaurant or a study room at school and made all your obnoxious "Hey look at me!" noises, then obviously they don't want to interact with you. It seems as though it doesn't dawn on some people that you may not want to speak with, or acknowledge them.
I understand that there are extroverts and nosy people in society, that's fine. But some people take their need to interact with people to a point where they're doing nothing more than making a nuisance of themselves. It's like dude, I don't know you, get a life and get out of my face! Does anyone agree with me?
I was almost moved emotionally when I noticed your thread title on the banner on the side of my screen. I agree wholeheartedly, and it is SO great to hear someone else verbalize this so...eloquently.
Bless you, your family, and everyone you love, my friend.
I was a teacher in a high school and had a free hour for planning. Another teacher wanted to chat and I had no interest in spending my time making small talk with anyone. She told some other teachers I was racist, which was ridiculous.
I have a brother who fits the OP's description. He loves to talk to people and he'll chat with anyone. But he's not good at reading people, so I've seen him force his friendliness on others when it was obvious that they were annoyed. I do not know why he has this need to talk to everyone.
But I don't think it should be a problem when someone shows some friendliness to others. If someone is going to get angry over that then the problem is with that person, not the friendly stranger. Friendly strangers are few. Unfortunately, sometimes they don't see the boundaries.
Yes, apexgds, it really is...
So, just to let everyone know, I'm the person that opens the door and holds it for you, will look you in the eye and say good morning/afternoon/evening, and expect a 'thank you'... with eye contact.
I'm the guy who will use the other door simply because I see you standing there 'expecting' it. I owe you nothing, stranger. Perhaps I'm not in the mood to satisfy your needs, my thoughts are elsewhere. People who do things in public with expectations--usually with wide, weirdo smiles and intense eye contact--get the harsh reality check when dealing with me.
And I can't bring myself to care about how they take it, I'm not obligated to satisfy the expectations of people I have no interest in interacting with.
Agree, I guess the OP also goes into stores and reaches for something on the shelf ignoring the person who is one foot away from, rather than saying "excuse me". Because that would involve interacting with a stranger for a few seconds.
Better to walk around like you're the only one on the planet.
I get not wanting to be bothered at times, but how about having manners if you're out and about.
If someone makes a legitimate comment--'That one is leaking', as I grab a package of ground turkey, for example--I thank them generously. I get the higher-up items some shorter woman can't reach.
But if you're the type to PURPOSELY put yourself in the way just to be seen--as happens all too often--I'm not feeding into that. Don't come stand directly next to me as if we're going to examine the cake frosting flavors together while you wait for and fully expect me to crack some silly comment because that's what society conditions people to do/expect.
Those of us who feel this way are not particularly rude, we are just confident enough in ourselves to not have to rely on constant validation from complete strangers (which also explains our indifference towards the poor, ignored attention-seeker).
I consider myself a bit more extroverted then introverted but enjoy both moods equally well. With that said for anyone who thinks all extroverts are good, I wish I could challenge you to spend a day with this one particular friend I know. I have never seen anyone have such a desire to chat up everybody and everything that comes within a 30 foot radius of them. The things that are said are often very embarrassing and I would kind of sit back and feel squeamish as I see the looks on these peoples faces. I have hung out with this person enough to say that if I spend more then 3 hours of time with them I literally have had so much of my own energy sapped out of me that I need a break for the rest of the day. No joke and I had never really experienced anything like this before.
As I get older I still like to hold conversations with strangers from time to time but I also enjoy quiet times in public, even sometimes when I am eating at a public restaurant or at a public park.
I stand by what I said. We're becoming an increasingly disconnected society, and it's truly sad.
I agree, but there is a big difference between making a genuine connection and just making noise like a couple of empty barrels rattling around in the back of a pickup truck.
90% of day-to-day interactions between strangers like the OP is talking about are the latter. Small talk with the cashier, chit-chat with the passenger next to you on an airplane, it may as well be the chatter of birds, sometimes nice to listen to, but sometimes you just want to shut the window and have some peace.
This is one reason I love the Pacific Northwest. People don't get all up in your business and bother you with idle chatter. If you want to talk, most people will talk. Otherwise they leave you alone.
Frustrated extroverts call this the "Seattle Freeze." I call it giving people their space.
My philosophy is pretty much "don't speak unless it improves upon the silence."
I have a brother who fits the OP's description. He loves to talk to people and he'll chat with anyone. But he's not good at reading people, so I've seen him force his friendliness on others when it was obvious that they were annoyed. I do not know why he has this need to talk to everyone.
But I don't think it should be a problem when someone shows some friendliness to others. If someone is going to get angry over that then the problem is with that person, not the friendly stranger. Friendly strangers are few. Unfortunately, sometimes they don't see the boundaries.
It's your opinion that it shouldn't be a problem. But what about the opinion of the people who don't like having their space invaded by people who, by your own admission, are "not good at reading people"? Why is your brother's right to *** more important than the rights of people who would prefer to go about their day unmolested by his need to interact with people he doesn't know? You understand your brother has a problem, but the conclusion you seem to draw from that is people should just accommodate him. Why is their desire for peace and quiet trumped by his lack of social skills?
I don't experience strangers standing next to me at the grocery store just hoping to strike up some conversation, or people trying to be noticed, or anything of the sort. It makes me wonder to read so many posters saying they experience these sorts of problems. Is it because in larger cities people are more apt to ignore other people? Weird.
I don't mean I've NEVER in my long life (71) experienced unwanted attempts at conversation, but that is just so rare. About two years ago I did experience an extreme case in the laundromat. A woman, in her 50's perhaps, approached me and asked if she could ask me something. I said yes, and she proceeded to unload a bunch of problems and just couldn't shut up. She was a rather obvious nut case, and I was fascinated enough to let her continue. She even asked me if I could take her home, and I gave her a lecture about getting into a car with people she doesn't know. Like I say, an extreme case, a nut case actually.
At the opposite extreme, but same laundromat at a different time, I noticed a young woman (18ish?) having trouble latching the door of a washing machine. I approached and started to ask if I could help her with the door, but she started screaming "Leave me alone - I'm going to call the police". You can bet I retreated muy pronto and keep as much distance as I could until I finished and left. Another nut case, but I felt sorry for her because I figured she must have been attacked by some male at some point in her life. But we were the only two people in there at the time and the police are going to believe a woman over a man in almost all circumstances. It was certainly as scary for me as it was for her.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
