"I'm sorry if you felt offended by me. I apologize." This is not an apology. Agree or disagree? (house, aging)
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There's a lot of false outrage in the world today. People like to act belligerent, rude and emotional at things they wouldn't even notice only a few years ago. In those cases, a false apology is appropriate in my eyes.
There is more casual demands for forgiveness than there is "false demands for forgiveness".
If someone borrows your car and wrecks it, I am sorry, is a good beginning.
Then there are reparations. People today seem to have forgotten that.
The word "sorry" is not necessarily a synonym for "apology". When someone says they're sorry, they are just saying "I feel sorrow/sadness". You say sorry to a grieving widow, not because you're apologizing for her husband's death, but because you feel sorrowful or sad or grieved. Saying you're sorry if someone feels offended by you is not an apology, but it is an expression of sadness over how you made them feel, and not necessarily passive aggressive either. And following it up with "I apologize" IS an apology. Now, whether that apology is genuine or not is another question and one we can't answer because we weren't there to understand the context and hear the tone of voice. But it seems to me from glancing over some of the responses here, a lot of people are ignoring the latter part of the quote where the person said "I apologize".
Well, it seems to me like a lot of people simply have too much time on their hands if they are posting about state names. I think the whole thing is a little overdone. This thread, that other thread, why not take a break from this? It seems you are still knawing on it and it's not worth it. The point is that maybe we ought not to be bothered by other people's opinions on these posts at all. There is such a wide diversity of people who post on here and we all have our Achilles heels, we are all conservative on some topics and liberal on others, we all think we are right and have the last word, and it's not really contributing to peace and love for humanity to go on and on and hold onto our little opinions so tightly. It just seems to me, reading the posts on this thread, that there is so much resentment and animosity on this thread. Even if the apology was a bit lame it's not worth rehashing any longer. Let it go.
Well, it seems to me like a lot of people simply have too much time on their hands if they are posting about state names. I think the whole thing is a little overdone. This thread, that other thread, why not take a break from this? It seems you are still knawing on it and it's not worth it. The point is that maybe we ought not to be bothered by other people's opinions on these posts at all. There is such a wide diversity of people who post on here and we all have our Achilles heels, we are all conservative on some topics and liberal on others, we all think we are right and have the last word, and it's not really contributing to peace and love for humanity to go on and on and hold onto our little opinions so tightly. It just seems to me, reading the posts on this thread, that there is so much resentment and animosity on this thread. Even if the apology was a bit lame it's not worth rehashing any longer. Let it go.
It's not about this particular "apology" - it's about this sort of general statement that so many people give as an "apology." It's a discussion about what words mean, not about a specific situation.
And the thread's goal isn't "peace and love for humanity" for that matter. The purpose of the thread is to provoke thought and discussion about the words we choose when some sort of reconciliation or smoothing things over or an apology may be in order - and what they mean to us, and to others.
Well, it seems to me like a lot of people simply have too much time on their hands if they are posting about state names. I think the whole thing is a little overdone. This thread, that other thread, why not take a break from this? It seems you are still gnawing on it and it's not worth it. The point is that maybe we ought not to be bothered by other people's opinions on these posts at all. There is such a wide diversity of people who post on here and we all have our Achilles heels, we are all conservative on some topics and liberal on others, we all think we are right and have the last word, and it's not really contributing to peace and love for humanity to go on and on and hold onto our little opinions so tightly. It just seems to me, reading the posts on this thread, that there is so much resentment and animosity on this thread. Even if the apology was a bit lame it's not worth rehashing any longer. Let it go.
Goodness thank you can't believe this is still going..... but then I can only imagine extended family dinners hehe with some of these people. Never being wrong, never accepting apologies, always emphasizing why they are insulted, wronged, right, better geez some need to get into the sunshine a hobby or a different job, life etc. I can't imagine what their daily lives are like always being superior or better. Or never putting themselves in another’s shoes or quite frankly letting something go. Life is precious, everyday a gift. Giving grace to ignore something, forgive, or find it in your heart to not always point out a fault even if the person is wrong, or clumsy in their opinion or apology is grace. You just might need it given to you someday. Everyone is wrong once in awhile. Sigh... For those who didn't see yes I already saw enough of this post to understand. Have a wonderful day all, smile, and be happy.
On another note I have said I am sorry more then I care to count in my life to realize later or be told it wasn't me. Which is fine, my choice, truly meant it. To finally realize some will never be happy, it is like nailing jello to the wall. If you act superior on a board, in life, with your family then not my monkey not my circus, and not your business what I think of you. It is so appropriate the older you grow to realize that some will make a mountain out of a mole hill, never be wrong, always slighted and never happy. So live, let live, give, apologize when needed but don't be a door mat for those never happy. You have one life to live, find a way to be the best you and not find all the faults of another or many.
Last edited by AngelMama; 04-28-2015 at 11:37 AM..
Someone said this to me recently, and it struck me as empty for several reasons.
1) I wasn't offended anyway, so no apology was necessary.
But more pertinent than that:
2) Why would someone apologize for MY feelings? The person didn't even say, "I apologize if I offended you." That would have at least been some effort in the direction of taking some responsibility for one's actions. But this statement doesn't even do that. How can someone APOLOGIZE for MY reaction? Shouldn't a sincere apology actually address an action that THEY took? For example, "I apologize for MY actions" rather than "I apologize for YOUR feelings."
This sort of statement (I refuse to honor it with the title of "apology") is something I've seen more and more of over the years. You yourself may have had this lobbed at you in the past, and walked away thinking vaguely, "What just happened there?"
My opinion is this - don't be lulled into a false sense of gratitude or vindication by this sort of non-apology. The person saying it is not apologizing for a single thing they've done - and they have no true ability to apologize for your reaction to something they've done or think they've done.
This is akin to, but different from, the non apology statement, "I'm sorry that you feel that way." Now - I grant that that particular statement can come in handy, and even be quite honest - sometimes I feel that I didn't do anything wrong, but I still may truly be sorry that someone else is distressed or upset about something that my actions may play a part in. But this "I apologize" afterwards is what throws me. Apologize for what you think MY feelings may be? No - if you feel you did something wrong, then apologize for what YOU did. Or if you don't feel you did anything wrong, then don't apologize - and certainly don't apologize for MY actions or feelings!
What are your thoughts?
I guess I just don't interpret it the same way.
The person who apologized may not have intended to offend the other person, so he/she regrets that they hurt one's feelings or made someone angry. But that still does not mean that they regret their actions. They can very well regret having upset the other person but think that they're dealing with a high-strung one.
Or maybe some people do it so that they don't seem like big a--holes.
However...
I very rarely apologize. And I don't bother with the sorry-you-feel-that-way-thing at all. So I'm sure some people have thought I was a real BIG a--hole.
Someone said this to me recently, and it struck me as empty for several reasons.
1) I wasn't offended anyway, so no apology was necessary.
But more pertinent than that:
2) Why would someone apologize for MY feelings? The person didn't even say, "I apologize if I offended you." That would have at least been some effort in the direction of taking some responsibility for one's actions. But this statement doesn't even do that. How can someone APOLOGIZE for MY reaction? Shouldn't a sincere apology actually address an action that THEY took? For example, "I apologize for MY actions" rather than "I apologize for YOUR feelings."
This sort of statement (I refuse to honor it with the title of "apology") is something I've seen more and more of over the years. You yourself may have had this lobbed at you in the past, and walked away thinking vaguely, "What just happened there?"
My opinion is this - don't be lulled into a false sense of gratitude or vindication by this sort of non-apology. The person saying it is not apologizing for a single thing they've done - and they have no true ability to apologize for your reaction to something they've done or think they've done.
This is akin to, but different from, the non apology statement, "I'm sorry that you feel that way." Now - I grant that that particular statement can come in handy, and even be quite honest - sometimes I feel that I didn't do anything wrong, but I still may truly be sorry that someone else is distressed or upset about something that my actions may play a part in. But this "I apologize" afterwards is what throws me. Apologize for what you think MY feelings may be? No - if you feel you did something wrong, then apologize for what YOU did. Or if you don't feel you did anything wrong, then don't apologize - and certainly don't apologize for MY actions or feelings!
What are your thoughts?
It is irritating. I've been in that situation before. I accepted the non-apology, but the relationship was never the same afterwards.
Wow can't believe I didn't see this before. How rude to call out someone on a new thread like this. Tacky. On top of the fact you clearly were trying to embarrass for a correction of a word ( that truly meant something to the person to correct, no I don't know them but they seemed like they were trying to teach), then passive aggressive hit back at them on same thread for their opinion of the states, and might I add didn't apologize or end it there . Wow, again is all I can say!This thread needs to be closed its served its purpose. I am embarrassed for a few on here. Old member, many friends, been paid for whatever contest or not, this is inappropriate. You already took your jabs at me before for my opinion ( on this thread about apologies) no need to again, we can agree to disagree without more of your jabs or slams for me standing up. Will see if this disappears for Miss Popular, or if the right thing is done and this closed.
Last edited by AngelMama; 04-28-2015 at 04:36 PM..
I wouldn't just automatically call everyone's hand on that if they said it, but I think in some circumstances, it might be appropriate. And very interesting.
Other person: "I'm sorry if you felt offended by me. I apologize."
Me: "What exactly did you do that you feel may have offended me?"
Other person: "Well...I mean...I'm just sorry if what I said bothered you."
Me: "OK - so are you apologizing for what you said, or do you just feel sorry if I'm offended? There is a difference."
Other person: "Ummmm..." (head explodes)
I just think that people need to really THINK THROUGH what they're saying if their intent is to offer a true apology (and sometimes a true apology is very appropriate). I think the non apology phrase, "I'm sorry you feel that way" often takes the place of an apology, but it's good to realize that it is NOT an apology - whether we're on the giving or receiving end of that statement.
This is not calling you out, I swear...it just got me to thinking. What if someone approaches you and tells you that something you said or did offended them. However, you are NOT sorry for that particular action. It could be so many different things that triggers someone, and he/she feels like they must speak out.
For example, you're out in public, and someone tells you they are offended because you're wearing hoop earrings, and that's cultural appropriation. You, on the other hand, you're not going to stop wearing hoop earrings because a stranger found it necessary to call you out...so, what do you say? Assuming you want to be at least somewhat polite.
If it were me...I'm NOT sorry for wearing hoop earrings. But do I say "I'm sorry you're offended" ?? Or...exactly what? Maybe if I had the time, I'd invite them to sit down with me and have a friendly talk about cultural acquisition (since in real life, I have mixed feelings about the topic) but often, people don't have that kind of time. So...what's the most polite way to respond?
Again...I'm NOT calling you out...I'm sincerely wondering what would be the most polite, and efficient way to respond to something like that.
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