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all of this talk about Senior this and Senior that. She is only 59 and I can see where she would have no interest in senior groups. or why it would be pleasant for her unless her health and physical abilities are not good right now.
If you are asking for advice, IMO, take her to lunch now and then to ease her way out of the house so that she can pick up on activities or events she may like. And don't be bossy or manipulative with her.
Hi my mom is retired since she was 55. She was excited to retire but now she just spends the majority of her days at home watching tv. She does cook, clean, pay her bills, go to the doctor for check ups etc. She does go out, but it is usually to the local slot machine casino. I love her and dont disrepected her but i will admit i do feel embarrassed when she wants me to go shopping with her either to the grocery store or to buy clothes due to the big age gap. I prefer to go buy places lik that by myself. I do go out with her because i kinda feel sorry for her. I tell her to find new friends or for her to do her own thing like travel, visit places, join hobbies, etc but she is naturally reserved. I remember her feeling excited when she was about to retire but now i see her bored and sometimes she is depressed.
I guess she is at that age where she does not feel young enough to be adventurous but not old enough to join hobbies or social groups so she just spends the days watching tv, or playing the game book wherw she finds work.
Cmon i know she wants more in life than this, this cant possibly be it, everybody wants more in life. I know she did not retire to just watch tv. She admitted she feels depresses, i am thinking this is ecause of boredom.
Sounds to me like your mother doesn't have many friends, at least she doesn't have people to hang out with and wants to fill that void with her children.
One thing is going out with your mother twice a month or once a week, another thing is when she depends on you for all her fun activities because she has no one else to go out with. It's normal you want to hang out with people your age, or at least with people who didn't raise you or don't treat you like your children. Mothers will always act like mothers.
A part-time job is usually not a fun activity but that will keep her mind busy. Ideally she will find people her age to hang out with but that is very difficult at that age. Many older people hang out with their partners or just don't go out at all.
It depends where you live also. Maybe if they have classes for seniors in your area she will feel more comfortable. My mother stopped going to vocational courses because she felt old among younger people. Her personality type doesn't help either. She gets irritated easily so since she has a choice to stop doing certain activities or hanging out with certain people she stops doing so. And then she complains that she is bored.
I am sorry but I don't understand those parents who expect their children to hang out with them all the time. Call me a 12 year old or whatever.
There are lots if sports, clubs, card groups, etc, she could join. Also classes.
Agree with this post. While I don't think the OP should feel responsible for Mom's entire social life - certainly OP should be able to go to dinner and the occasional shopping. Isn't that kind of a typical outing with anyone's Mom??? Maybe she just enjoys your company.
That said, I workout with a 58 year old lady who still kills every day in boot camp. 59 is not that old so age is not a reason to be in the house every day. Maybe Mom is depressed or just doesn't know where to start. There is only so much OP can do to impact how Mom spends her days. I agree with joining small gym, part-time job, meet up groups, etc.
I think everyone is being too hard on the OP for being 'embarrassed to be shopping' with her mother. Sounds like mom is trying to make her biggest social interaction the daughter and yes, this is inappropriate unless both are okay with it. It's being forced, in other words. While I have no problem going shopping or to the restaurant with some friends who are decades older than myself (because they're FUN to talk to!), going with my own mother *was* embarassing, or at least a trial - because we had nothing in common to talk about and every conversation ended up being the same, a repeat of the last one - that woman never read a book in her life, had no interest in politics or the news of the day; she only wanted to talk about who had recently had a baby, or gotten a job or the weather; always what to me were superficial conversations about trivialities. In short, not all personalities jive together just because people are blood relatives.
Watching teevee and going to the casino every day all day shows a complete lack of personal responsibility for one's life choices - who the heck has money to go to a casino where you're guaranteed to end up with less than you started with? And teevee is addicting dreck.
Mom needs hobbies, volunteer work, something else to do with her time but I'd be willing to bet she's never been the type to be active or proactive that way and won't start now. It's nice of the adult child to be worried and concerned about her but mom's choices shouldn't be the child's problem.
I'm 58.
Got myself a 43 year old boyfriend.
And we moved to a farm. I garden, have goats, chickens and alpacas.
Works for me.
Buy your mom some decent art supplies. Sketch book,pencils, water colors,etc. Take her to a park, the zoo, some where....drop her off with art supplies for 2 or 3 hours. Tell her to create and be happy. Come back and pick her up and take her to lunch at a small cafe that serves good sandwiches. Discuss her sketches. Tell her to enroll in an art class at a local rec center.
Barring that,why not just tell your mom your concerns!? Tell her that you have a life to live as well and you are not going to spend it being her companion. Tell her she needs to get off her backside and do something fun for herself!
I think everyone is being too hard on the OP for being 'embarrassed to be shopping' with her mother. Sounds like mom is trying to make her biggest social interaction the daughter and yes, this is inappropriate unless both are okay with it. It's being forced, in other words. While I have no problem going shopping or to the restaurant with some friends who are decades older than myself (because they're FUN to talk to!), going with my own mother *was* embarassing, or at least a trial - because we had nothing in common to talk about and every conversation ended up being the same, a repeat of the last one - that woman never read a book in her life, had no interest in politics or the news of the day; she only wanted to talk about who had recently had a baby, or gotten a job or the weather; always what to me were superficial conversations about trivialities. In short, not all personalities jive together just because people are blood relatives.
Watching teevee and going to the casino every day all day shows a complete lack of personal responsibility for one's life choices - who the heck has money to go to a casino where you're guaranteed to end up with less than you started with? And teevee is addicting dreck.
Mom needs hobbies, volunteer work, something else to do with her time but I'd be willing to bet she's never been the type to be active or proactive that way and won't start now. It's nice of the adult child to be worried and concerned about her but mom's choices shouldn't be the child's problem.
Wow.
First off how sad for you that you have such a low opinion of your own mother, unless she was abusive and you don't mention that, what an awful attitude you have.
And no one is suggesting the OP has to be BFF with their mom, but embarrassed to go to the store with her, that my fly for a year or so when you're 13 or 14, when no kid wants to admit they have parents, not when you're supposed to be an adult.
The OP's mother was able to retire at 55. That isn't that common these days, so I wouldn't say she wasn't "proactive", that takes planning.
You're trying to make the mother out to be some type of sloth, she must have something on the ball to stop working at that age. Again that takes planning.
The only thing you got right was suggesting volunteer work or a hobby.
There's social groups out there for almost any interest, not only "seniors" groups. Check the local newspaper listings and see what they have listed on their social calendar. Maybe you could find something your mom has a vague interest in and attend a couple of meetings with her to those groups just to break the ice. Once she gets to know a few folks in the group, then you can stop going to the meetings.
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