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I hate being interrogated by Hair stylists / barbershops
I made the mistake of answering his nosey questions about my life and he told everybody
pretty soon people I didnt even know knew about my personal matters because the stupid barbershop man gossiped and told all his customers with his small talk.
I guess some of us are just friendlier than others,personally, I enjoy talking with others. I think it is a result of this new technological age, with texting, tweets, etc..............people have forgotten how to actually communicate face to face these days.
I've sat in the lunchroom with 3 other people and everyone had their noses buried into their damn cell phones.........it was a very boring lunch.
Nope, I love talking with other people, that is how you learn about so many diverse subjects.
I hate small talk--pointless, trivial conversation--with a passion. I simply don't entertain it at all, and don't care if it comes off as rude.
I have a friend who once said he feels compelled to talk to strangers in elevators, as he feels they are 'uncomfortable with the silence'. I told him, 'no, YOU are uncomfortable and are feeling the need to project your insecurity on the stranger in the elevator. For all you know he or she has no interest in conversation.'
If I walk in with a McDonald's bag, do not say to me 'Hey, man, you went to McDonald's?' You're asking for dry sarcasm. If it's raining outside, I'm not interested in conversing about it as though I've never seen rain before.
Stare ahead loosely, but don't "concentrate" per se. Watch the elevator number rise and fall, usually a display at about 7', to the right or left of center. Breath deeply. No real need to focus on who is, or is not, getting on the elevator other than your awareness that it stops and starts, and people arrive and leave.
Focus gently on the floor number display. When yours is up, politely excuse yourself and exit. Who else is there is completely irrelevant.
Not too difficult.
I call this "staying in my bubble." If someone else who knows you enters and says something first, your bubble will temporarily expand, though you didn't "see" them first if you follow the above. Then, say: "good morning, Fred!", smile, and return to top of page process.
Temporarily expanding your bubble, then re-inflating it with no drama, apologies, excuses, awkwardness, etc. is a skill. Other introverts totally get it. Extroverts do not. The latter is not my problem. I have these kind of interactions (or non-interactions) many times per day on the elevators and etc.
It takes waaaaay too much energy to actually consciously "ignore" other people, or make excuses for not talking, etc. Just stare loosely at a point over their head, like the elevator floor number, it will resolve itself. Not your iPhone, not the floor, not them, not anything else. Keep it transactional only.
I'm sure a variation of this is applicable to a subway, too. Staying on mental Condition Yellow or Orange is for the cops and security guards: they're paid to expend the energy to consciously notice anomalous behavior. I'm not, and don't, and won't.
Hate it too. Prefer a real conversation about real subject matter and maybe even a debate! But at work and in other situations, it may not be politically correct so I just suck it up and talk about the weather. That's it. The weather. followed by dead silence. My contribution to the world of small talk.
Sometimes at work I will say "How are you doing" to a customer and I get nothing......not a look, a nod, a hi, NOTHING ! It is as if I am talking to a blank wall. It is as if I am not even there. That is when my helpful meter goes much lower and they get the bare necessities out of me.
I figure, if they don't have the common courtesy of at least saying hello, why should I go out of my way for them ? On the other hand, if they would have engaged me, I would have gone overboard to make sure they were well taken care of and had the benefit of my experience with their purchases.
Sometimes I will walk by a customer in an aisle and simply ask "Do you need any help or are you ok", and I will get no response at all, so I walk away and if they need me they can come looking for me. People get what they give, and if someone is so anti social that they don't want to communicate, why should I do more than them ?
Years ago I said to a customer, "How are you today?" and he said " Do you really give a damn?" and I said "Not really, but they make me say that." Yep, you gets what you gives !
Oh man it drives me crazy when I am at work and end up in the elevator with someone who I never have conversations with and then you have to think about something to say to not appear rude. This is why I pretended to be sleep on the subway yesterday when I ran into a male coworker because I did not have the mental energy to be FAKE. lol
Am I the only one who hate talking about useless nonsense just to appear friendly?
You could always try being friendly. Unless you are autistic or an introvert (in which case I understand why you think it feels fake and why it requires "effort"), its simply social lubrication. Humans are generally a social species.
I'm very introverted. I don't initiate conversation with random people ever and prefer to be inside my own bubble.
However, I also recognize that it's not all about me... If an acquaintance approaches (coworker, kid's friend's parent whatever), there is a responsibility to help put that person at ease around me. Give a smile and a nod. Say "Good morning, Fred," like someone said earlier.
On this thread alone you see some people calling the non-small-talkers anti-social psychos and the like. Stepping a tiny bit outside your comfort zone prevents that. Like bg7 said... social lubrication.
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