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This is why people are unhappy in their relationships. They act a certain way, expect certain something in return. When that specific something didn't happen, they are crushed, dismayed, accusing people all kinds of names.
How about this: consider your kindness a gift, expecting nothing in return.
Sometimes people are in distress, and cannot respond cheerfully. Some of them are not in habit of doing so whether they are in good mood or not. They are all kinds of reasons.
If you are truly so kind, let them go. Say your nice words, smile, and walk away.
Most people won't be starting personal relationships with people that can't be bothered to return a "hello" (unless they are a mind reader ), so that is a moot point for most people. Can't be happy or unhappy in a relationship that never started. Some people can be on the shy side but even when I was more shy as a kid or if not having a good day today as an adult, I could/can always reply "hello" to someone that said "hello" to me.
If I do something to help someone out (jumper cable, letting someone borrow my cell phone for an urgent call after they lost theirs as happened last year, etc) all I expect is "Thank you".
Agree that expectations should be reasonable.
Last edited by chessgeek; 07-05-2017 at 09:35 PM..
What do you think of people who don't say "hi" or anything back when you greet them?
I just moved into a brand new apartment building where there are not a lot of tenants yet, and while most people have been friendly, there's a few neighbors that when I see them and say hello, they just look stone cold, avoiding eye contact, and never greet me back. Some even stare at me like rapists/murders, and I tried to break that creepiness by saying hi, but nope, nada. It's practically each time, so now I just don't say anything to them, and it creates such an unfriendly environment because I see these people every week.
Also, some people at work are like that. I say hi and good morning to them, but they just
go on their own way and don't greet back. I find it rude and very unfriendly, but hey, I shouldn't be surprised. There seems to be more bad than good out there these days.
You may need to examine your self and your deep motives to see if you are saying hi or hello to GET APPROVAL of ATTENTION and you may appear needy and insincere to these unresponsive folks. Showing good manners and respect is all you really need to do but be sure it isn't to get something in return or your feelings will be hurt even worse when others FAIL to give you what you wanted. This is about healthy self respect and self esteem. You can be polite and considerate because you WANT TO BE - but have the self respect to take it like an adult if the others shun you. Don't take it personally! You are making the first, socially correct move, so it's up to them to do what is right and, if they don't, at least you were big enough to offer a polite greeting. You did your best and that can be your REWARD!
Usually, I am not the one to initiate much of anything. If people say hi/hello, nod, or smile at me in the street or anywhere in public, I typically do the same or return a friendly gesture. While more subtle, I feel like the latter two is simply a better overall route to go with when being friendly with people. I tend the get a smile or nod back (obviously not all the time) more often than a hi/hello.
Usually, I am not the one to initiate much of anything. If people say hi/hello, nod, or smile at me in the street or anywhere in public, I typically do the same or return a friendly gesture. While more subtle, I feel like the latter two is simply a better overall route to go with when being friendly with people. I tend the get a smile or nod back (obviously not all the time) more often than a hi/hello.
In therapy, I came to understand why I had certain anti-social habits like you mention (initiate) above due to very inadequate parenting so I undertook to break the bad conditioning I was given as a child and begin doing things I truly wanted to do like saying hi/hello/nodding, etc. FIRST - and for the right reason - just to be friendly - not to "get something" which is why most folks do the hello/nodd thing. My 1st wife was very, very social and could easily say hello first BUT her hidden motive was usually to manipulate and control others with 'honey' and some folks didn't like her 'sweet' manipulations. When she was NOT manipulating others, she was extremely critical of them!
The underlying motivation or intention of 'hellos' and 'nods' is what maters and it can be seen that "friendliness" is often a cover up for manipulation, control and SAFETY or DEFENSE. That's why sales people, politicians and religious fanatics always come at us with big smiles, cheerful voices and friendly hand shakes. They want something - often its your $$$$.
It always ok to be kind it'll get you far in life. But just remember that sometimes whenever you reach out it won't be reciprocated. Don't take it personally just keep it moving.
The other day I was in a store and a man was giving out free samples. I was three aisles away and saw him (didn't hear him because I was far away) say something to me. I was about to walk down an aisle but instead moved closer to him to hear what he had said. He angrily stated, "I said, how are you today". I told him that I didn't hear him and then he lectured me on how people of his generation always answer when spoken to, blah, blah, blah.
I normally always respond to greetings at the very least with a smile or head nod but in this case, the greeter should not get mad when they greet a person who is 30 feet away from them and don't get an immediate response. /end rant.
there's a few neighbors that when I see them and say hello, they just look stone cold, avoiding eye contact, and never greet me back.
Also, some people at work are like that. I say hi and good morning to them, but they just
go on their own way and don't greet back. I find it rude and very unfriendly, but hey, I shouldn't be surprised. There seems to be more bad than good out there these days.
More bad than good? They do not say 1 measly word to you and you already judged them as bad?? You literally know nothing about them.
Your neighbors and co-workers sound like people who want to be left alone. Some people just don't like to face other people, not even to say 1 measly word.
Sure, it happens...I just shrug it off. I figure they are either rude, or perhaps there is more to it. You never know if they are going through something bad and are perhaps too distracted to even notice you. It's not worth it to obsess over it.
Funny this post keeps popping up lately. I have 2 new male coworkers who refuse to smile or say hello when we cross paths. My new rule is, if I say hello and they don't back, I don't even bother to try again. I just walk right by them now. Very strange people.
Funny this post keeps popping up lately. I have 2 new male coworkers who refuse to smile or say hello when we cross paths. My new rule is, if I say hello and they don't back, I don't even bother to try again. I just walk right by them now. Very strange people.
Exactly the right approach IMO! As new workers, I think that is not only strange but potentially foolish behavior on their part.
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), so that is a moot point for most people. Can't be happy or unhappy in a relationship that never started. Some people can be on the shy side but even when I was more shy as a kid or if not having a good day today as an adult, I could/can always reply "hello" to someone that said "hello" to me.
Check you motives
Manipulating others
