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We have seen oth sides of the equation. We have friends on both sides of the equation. Whoever was "better off" knew about the other and help was offered without being obvious. I have extra tickets, could not let the 2for1 at the store go to waste, love the make up kit but cannot wear it, wore it once but it does not fit, ... We knew and know but there was never a disconnect.
There are wealthy people who do not look wealthy. 4% of the American population are millionaires. 4.5% are Asian descent. Millionaires are more numerous than most people think. And most are humble. I have kept some of the same friends for 20 years and I'm sure our economic status have diverged in some cases.
I know that. Like I said I had not idea these particular people were wealthy until I really got to know them and see their lifestyles. I agree most are humble, down-to-earth people, but from my experience it is difficult for two people with opposite incomes to create a new friendship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Exactly.
Some of the comments on here are truly bizarre.
I know that. Like I said I had not idea these particular people were wealthy until I really got to know them and see their lifestyles. I agree most are humble, down-to-earth people, but from my experience it is difficult for two people with opposite incomes to create a new friendship.
How so?
Bc the majority of comments saying that you can't cite ridiculous examples of just those kind of people that are like that no matter how much money they have: the snooty, ridiculous, have to go out all the time, badge buyers, noninclusive people.
They are in every income bracket.
I work with people who CANNOT afford to but do go out literally 3-4 times a week (and then complain they have no money or can't pay this or that bill).
I had a friend for many, many years. We started out in life on similar paths and continued that way for a long time. She married into a fairly wealthy family, but we were still able to maintain that friendship just fine. Then her extended family became one of the 1 percent of the 1 percenters, close to Bill Gates type of wealth and the family member's money had a trickle down effect on them. They got a yearly allowance plus the perks of using their private jet and all of that.
It was still ok for a while. But as my finances went downhill, her's soared. My friend just didn't understand that it was a big deal for me to splurge on pizza or think twice if I was thirsty to buy a drink. I rather just bring my own bottled water with me. She started to tell me less about her activities because she felt "embarrassed" by them. I really didn't mind that she went on trips all the time and spent all of her time having fun. I felt worse that she kept it from me. But the nail in the coffin that I couldn't stand was the constant complaining about problems that seemed so petty to me. She would complain about the cost of repairing her fancy home or the cost of airfare. She complained that she had to pay $200 to replace the door on her oven while when my oven broke, I didn't have an oven for a whole year because I didn't have the money to replace it. It got too much and I told her off about all of her whining. That was the end of that. Now she tells other people that I was "mean" to her.
From my experience it is not. And it's not because the wealthier person is snobby or doesn't want to interact with the lower income person, but because the lifestyles are too different.
We are lower income. After we buy groceries and pay our bills, we don't have much leftover for doing fun things or going out. I had some friends who are wealthy. Not just high middle income, but in the top 1% or close to it. They could do whatever they wanted whenever, without checking their bank accounts, while I have to count my pennies and know how much everything will cost before committing to an outting. Sometimes I couldn't go because we just didn't have the money that week. I often did free things with them like parks or in home play dates, but had to be left out sometimes because of this. After a few years our friendships desolved for a number of reasons, but I can't help but think this was part of it. They would talk about their vacations or shopping or outtings and I didn't mind, but sometimes they seemed uncomfortable talking about that stuff in front of me.
So what do you all think? Anyone else in this situation have a different experience?
Technically your incomes should not be any of your/their business!
However, it all boils down to how you communicate about it. If it were me, I would set clear expectations from the start: "Hey X, you know that we don't make as much as you guys do, so some of these outings will be above what we can spend. HOWEVER, that shouldn't mean we couldn't see each other in settings that we are both comfortable being in financially."
Ignore the income, keep the friendship. They could loose everything they have one day! You never know. To me it would hurt more to loose a friend than to loose money.
From my experience it is not. And it's not because the wealthier person is snobby or doesn't want to interact with the lower income person, but because the lifestyles are too different.
We are lower income. After we buy groceries and pay our bills, we don't have much leftover for doing fun things or going out. I had some friends who are wealthy. Not just high middle income, but in the top 1% or close to it. They could do whatever they wanted whenever, without checking their bank accounts, while I have to count my pennies and know how much everything will cost before committing to an outting. Sometimes I couldn't go because we just didn't have the money that week. I often did free things with them like parks or in home play dates, but had to be left out sometimes because of this. After a few years our friendships desolved for a number of reasons, but I can't help but think this was part of it. They would talk about their vacations or shopping or outtings and I didn't mind, but sometimes they seemed uncomfortable talking about that stuff in front of me.
So what do you all think? Anyone else in this situation have a different experience?
Top 1% where? Trailer Park, SC? Consider who is the 1 percentile in the USA. Most of the names are unknown. How many people would fall within that grouping? It's doubtful you were social with anyone in that class in any major metropolitan area unless you are in the top 10%. I know people who float a few million $ in their everyday bank accounts and they are nowhere near 10%. Through them I have met people who wear watches more expensive than the average person's car. I don't ask, I know a gold Rolex when I see it. One guy asked if I wanted an old watch and handed me a box full of them. I picked through them and handed him back a Cartier he was unaware of. Shocked him - turns out it was from the 40s and 14K gold. Antique Road show, anyone?
$100 brunches aren't my cup-o-tea and those folks did it every weekend. One old guy couldn't wait to show off his brand new pool with hot tub and everything. The actual pool was 40' long and a whopping 3' deep but suited his needs...he did laps and sat in the hot tub. It is very nice with all the bells and whistles; I later learned he got a great deal as he wrote the salesman a check for it. Little wonder he wanted to show it off.
It's easy to maintain a relationship with those in a higher economic class once you learn to remember your station in life. Never assume those people are going to pick up your tab anytime you are out and about though they often insist upon it. I learned to excuse myself from lots of activities if I felt uncomfortable and over my head as it can escalate quickly, believe me. If they call you "friend" they already understand.
Technically your incomes should not be any of your/their business!
However, it all boils down to how you communicate about it. If it were me, I would set clear expectations from the start: "Hey X, you know that we don't make as much as you guys do, so some of these outings will be above what we can spend. HOWEVER, that shouldn't mean we couldn't see each other in settings that we are both comfortable being in financially."
Ignore the income, keep the friendship. They could loose everything they have one day! You never know. To me it would hurt more to loose a friend than to loose money.
We didn't sit down and say "we make this much, what do you make?" It is just very obvious AFTER you spend some time with someone that they are living on a whole different level than you. Extended out of country vacations, the cars they drive, the houses they live in, the type of schools their kids are sent to, having staff like maids and pool cleaners and landscapers all add up to a lifestyle that only a certain level of income can sustain. It easy to ignore the income to a certain degree, but I feel like at some point the wealthier people want to expand their outtings and experiences and someone like me could never keep up, so then you start doing less things together and the relationship dissolves, which is why I think it is difficult to forge a NEW relationship when people are at extremely different levels of income. If you are friends with someone your whole life and they later become wealthy or poor, I think that is a different situation and the relationship can probably stay intact.
Quote:
Originally Posted by armory
Top 1% where? Trailer Park, SC? Consider who is the 1 percentile in the USA. Most of the names are unknown. How many people would fall within that grouping? It's doubtful you were social with anyone in that class in any major metropolitan area unless you are in the top 10%. I know people who float a few million $ in their everyday bank accounts and they are nowhere near 10%. Through them I have met people who wear watches more expensive than the average person's car. I don't ask, I know a gold Rolex when I see it. One guy asked if I wanted an old watch and handed me a box full of them. I picked through them and handed him back a Cartier he was unaware of. Shocked him - turns out it was from the 40s and 14K gold. Antique Road show, anyone?
$100 brunches aren't my cup-o-tea and those folks did it every weekend. One old guy couldn't wait to show off his brand new pool with hot tub and everything. The actual pool was 40' long and a whopping 3' deep but suited his needs...he did laps and sat in the hot tub. It is very nice with all the bells and whistles; I later learned he got a great deal as he wrote the salesman a check for it. Little wonder he wanted to show it off.
It's easy to maintain a relationship with those in a higher economic class once you learn to remember your station in life. Never assume those people are going to pick up your tab anytime you are out and about though they often insist upon it. I learned to excuse myself from lots of activities if I felt uncomfortable and over my head as it can escalate quickly, believe me. If they call you "friend" they already understand.
You should probably research what level of income it takes to be part of the top 1%. It is scarily lower than you might think. Here is an article about it with a map showing each states top 1% income rate.
I have easily mingled with the 1% and you have too. I put my kids in a class that is affordable for me, but is taught in a wealthier city that borders my city only 15 minutes from my house. Where we live, neighborhoods aren't as segregated as some other cities. I think the houses used to be spread out and they just built new houses of different income levels in between them. My house is older and probably the cheapest out of all the nice neighborhoods, but there is a gated community just a few minutes from here. It is common to drive for ten minutes and pass by neighborhoods at drastically different incomes. Being outsiders, we always thought it was odd.
And I would never EVER expect someone to cover me for lunch or any outing. If I can't cover it we don't go.
I have friends in all economic tiers. Some of them have been with me since my really poor days when I had a few bucks to my name for two weeks until my next pay check. I have passed all of my friends by economically but it has not made one single difference in my friendships. I love them the same and they love me the same with or without the money. The money just means that I'm even more fun then before. I'm still the same me I was when I was poor.
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