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That's exactly what's going on. She has an overwhelming amount of anxiety.
She feels the need to control and micro-manage everything in order to prevent her fears from coming true. The fact that she has spread herself out too thin, coupled with her unrealistic expectations, causes her to feel even more anxious, rather than less, as her efforts to steer everyone in what she feels is the right direction fail. Women like this see every situation as a potential crisis; a molehill becomes Mt. Everest to her.
To the OP: Because she is unwilling to go to therapy, there is little you can do to help her directly (any attempt on your part to help "lighten her load" will cause her to feel even less in-control). You should continue going to counseling so that the therapist can help you to better understand your wife, and so that he/she can give you tools that will help you handle the situation when her emotions take over.
That, coupled with lots of prayer, are all the control that you have over the situation.
I know exactly what you're going through (I was in your shoes one year ago, minus the medical emergency), and I wish you the best. Feel free to PM me anytime, even if you just need to vent.
Last edited by Slowpoke_TX; 04-14-2015 at 01:53 AM..
Why do you think she is unhappy? You really only expressed her parenting style. Many people thrive in keeping busy. How do your daughters feel? Are they happy?
This woman is NOT thriving. Quite the opposite, actually.
I would bet that the daughters are not happy, because I bet they feel like nothing they do is ever good enough for Mom.
IMO, you are headed for disaster. Unless you actually want to be a divorced parent who visits his kids, stop calling your wife crazy and listen to what she's saying. Because all I see is a woman who just wants what's best for her family.
All of her behaviors are fear-based.
To suggest that she is merely overwhelmed with all of the stresses of being a wife and mom is to completely miss the point that she is mentally and emotionally unhealthy, and that none of her efforts to "treat the symptoms" will change that.
She has a husband who gets on the internet and, rather than discuss how it hurts him to see the woman he loves in the grip of what must certainly be very painful anxieties and ask how he can help her find inner peace for her sake
Their marriage has devolved way beyond that point.
The reason he is turning to us is because he cannot turn to her. She is in denial of the fact that she has a problem, thus, any attempts on his part to help her will be met with a statement of denial such as "I'm not the one who has a problem," or "you need help learning how to deal with me."
Are the "issues" she has now only SINCE you became ill, or was this the case all along?
I too feel she is displaying a LOT of anxiety, and it is a shame people do not realize that these issues can and should be dealt with medically.
I worked as a nurse on a lock down psych unit...during medication classes I would ask them "how many of you honestly will continue your medications as prescribed once discharged from the hospital?" A lot would answer no...they felt they were only "affecting themselves" with their decision.
I wear glasses, so told them, "you know, I HAVE to wear glasses to see well....I can not even read the time from the clock on the wall when I take them off my eyesight is so poor"....now you might think that I only "affect myself" if I choose not to wear my glasses, but what about when I decide to get in my car and drive somewhere??? NOW I affect you, and everyone else on the road, because of my need for sight. I was very pleased over the years to have several patients come to me afterwards and tell me that this simple explanation helped them realize that NOT taking their meds affected more than just themselves, but their friends and family members as well.
Sometimes we just need to take a little time to EXPLAIN the need and how it affects those around us.
See a counselor on your own. Start there. But ultimately, you are not responsible for making your wife happy. And please be the cheerful happy parent to your kids, that your wife does not know how to be. And, there may be things that you can take responsibility for to make things easier for your wife. But see a counselor on your own. Do this.
If a married woman is unhappy, it means she needs a better husband.
Well of course all blame should be laid upon the husband. No woman can be expected to be responsible for herself, she should be totally dependent upon her husband in all matters.
It's a good thing that most Americans don't feel the way BusyMeAK does, or else wives would still be their husbands' chattel.
She doesn't sound all that crazy... just realistic.
You need to save up a lot of money in order to retire these days. My grandparents assisted living home is $10,000 per month, and it's not even nice. If you don't have any money and you're in your 40s... it's probably too late.
If you want your kids to go to Yale, they do have to take all those courses, get straight As, and then some.
She just saw how you could easily just die, leaving her with 2 kids and reduced income. Of course that will make a person anxious.
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