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This is a tough one. Four letters that can cause you deep guilt and the spouse potential death. AIDS... I say MYOB but another person may be at risk for a disease. If my wife were cheating I would want to know but that's just me. Would I tell a friend his wife was cheating? Probably but I would have to be 200% sure because that friendship would probably be over for along while as the wife would deny and I get blamed for messing with the marriage.
You know... all this talk about AIDS... if it is true that it is such a big deal... your friend (or you, if you are the one whose mate is sleeping with an infected degenerate) is already dosed Nothing you can do will change the fact. If you were really a good friend you would have invented a time machine, gone back to, say a week or two before your friends wife met the homewrecker (and disease spreader) and killed her (if you are bad***** or maybe blinded her (if you are a wuss). Anything less is a day late and a dollar short.
Last edited by Leisesturm; 05-07-2015 at 01:12 AM..
Tough situation. If you tell your friend, face to face, and she confronts her spouse, after the initial shock and awe, they decide to work things out...you may end up the one without the friend. Should the spouse deny and deny, and she believes him over you, you're on the outside.
If it were me, I would send a note to her without signing it. Too bad you didn't get a picture, because the picture would have been worth a thousand words.
Lots of people are polyamorous or in open relationships. Because it is frowned upon by many, most of my friends engaged in these kinds of relationships aren't open about it with any but their closest friends - and certainly family and work does not know. If you do anything, send an anonymous message. It would be quite awkward to come in guns blazing only to find out that it was the wife's boyfriend and that the couple had preferred to keep their other partners quiet.
I'm only throwing this out there because a very overzealous coworker made a huge scene about a close friend's open marriage (she saw the wife out with another man) which had devastating consequences for the wife's career.
Lots of people are polyamorous or in open relationships. Because it is frowned upon by many, most of my friends engaged in these kinds of relationships aren't open about it with any but their closest friends - and certainly family and work does not know. If you do anything, send an anonymous message. It would be quite awkward to come in guns blazing only to find out that it was the wife's boyfriend and that the couple had preferred to keep their other partners quiet.
I'm only throwing this out there because a very overzealous coworker made a huge scene about a close friend's open marriage (she saw the wife out with another man) which had devastating consequences for the wife's career.
The OP gave no indication that he was going to go in "guns blazing".
If you do anything, send an anonymous message. It would be quite awkward to come in guns blazing only to find out that it was the wife's boyfriend and that the couple had preferred to keep their other partners quiet.
I'm not for anonymous messages. These have a poisoning effect, in an already emotional situation.
The results of the message will always have unexpected consequences, and everyone the couple knows will be slightly suspect for whatever damage the note does.
I think that if you want to get involved by saying anything, then you should take your lumps as the result.
Like I said before, I would only get involved if, in the course of a personal conversation with my cuckolded buddy, he said or hinted that he suspected infidelity. Here he would be basically inviting me to confirm or deny his suspicions, while letting me know that his marriage was not an open one.
This happened to me once and I told my friend. Turns out they had an open relationship.
I'm not understanding how this is supporting telling the friend. Seems to me you looked like a fool and a meddler in that situation. I guess its true that misery loves to have company.
One thing you don't do is tell the friend after he and his wife have broken up. Either say something when it can help your friend make decisions or keep quiet forever.
I got angry when people whom I thought cared about me came to me after I filed for divorce and told me all the dirty deeds they had known before. If they didn't want me to know before then what was so important to tell me after. And the answer is courage and conscience. They lacked the courage to tell me and their conscience was bothered by that so they were got it off their chests.
At this point in your case it is too late to take action at the immediate moment such as dropping by the table to say hello and how is your husband doing? Guess you have to weigh out what to do now. But just stick to what you saw and be neutral and objective in what you tell your friend if you do.
Well, aside from the obvious conclusion you've leapt to, it could be any number of possible things.
To me, if they were in a public place they are either a) incredibly stupid or b) getting together with the permission of hubby.
If it's A, they'll get found out. If it's B, you're Mrs. Kravits from Bewitched. Because unless you're really, really good friends with the spouse, you're not going to have a receptive audience, even if you're right.
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