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I had a high school best friend named Mick. We lived far apart, but made time to be together almost daily when we got cars. Then, I went off to college. I invited Mick to visit and he did in the beginning. On college break, I returned home. Mick had his first serious girlfriend, and he introduced us. She was somewhat of a drama queen, but I put on a happy face since Mick really liked her.
Mick was very into his girlfriend. As a result, he would then neglect my e-mails and wouldn't write or call for a month or so. We started drifting apart, but kept in touch periodically. Then he got married to that girlfriend when she got pregnant. They had a rocky marriage. Whenever Mick and I talked, it would mostly be about his marital problems. That was no fun for me as a 20 year-old with no LTR experience, but I did my best to listen.
Mick then received a job 1,000 miles away and moved with his wife and child. That's when his communication really dropped off. Unanswered e-mails. Me always initiating. He'd come back to town to visit sometimes. When we did talk it was mostly about their relationship issues. This went on for a couple years. Finally, I just stopped initiating. About six months went by without any word from Mick. So when time came for getting a new cell phone plan, I changed my number and never bothered to update him. (I had also moved apartments).
A year later, my mom called me to let me know Mick had left his name & number on the house answering machine for me to call back. I didn't call. He never called back. As of 2015, more than twelve years have passed with no contact between us.
Out of curiosity, I searched for him on Facebook just now. He doesn't have a profile. I searched and found his wife on FB. Her public profile shows her to be living like a party girl. She lists her status as single. There are no pictures of Mick anywhere on her dozens of photos. Appears they divorced a few years ago. I am glad his wife is now out of the picture.
I found one of his family member's FB profile. On that profile is a link to a page devoted to Mick's daughter. His daughter had passed away after a brief struggle with an illness DURING THAT SIX MONTH PERIOD of no contact. Only now do I recall that Mick had mentioned in our last phone conversation that his child was undergoing some tests in the hospital to find out why she wasn't feeling well. I totally forgot it when it was mixed-in with accounts of their marriage woes.
I feel just awful right now. His little kid was so happy and caring. Mick must have been overwhelmed by her passing. I searched more and found Mick's LinkedIn profile. He lives and works about 1,700 miles away from me. On his LinkedIn profile, he invites past connections (friends, etc) to message him.
I want to message Mick, but I feel like a fool. I cut him off because I thought he was no longer interested in mutual friendship. Turns out his daughter was suffering and had died. He must've been devastated. So how do I broach this subject in my message? I'm sure his child's passing is still a sensitive subject. Or, do I just let the past be the past and let go (knowing I blew this one completely)?
(We both now live thousand+ miles from our hometown, so little chance of us reconnecting in person).
What a sad sad story. I would reconnect. When kids come into the picture lives change. It's very hard to stay connected on a regular basis. Most likely with work, a wife and a sick child that that is why you did not hear from him. Tell him the truth, you lost touch and managed to track him down. Tell him how sorry you are about his daughter. Like the above poster said, small and simple.
I am having a tough time trying to compose what to say. Do I tell him I now know his daughter died and his wife (most likely) dumped him? Or do I make him bare the pain again to share his daughter's death? That seems cruel. I am at a loss.
Have any of you purposely reconnected with a bff you once cut out of your life? How did it you do it? How did it go?
Last edited by FoosBall; 05-09-2015 at 09:45 AM..
Reason: I meant bff; not bf!!
I am having a tough time trying to compose what to say. Do I tell him I now know his daughter died and his wife (most likely) dumped him? Or do I make him bare the pain again to share his daughter's death? That seems cruel. I am at a loss.
Have any of you purposely reconnected with a bff you once cut out of your life? How did it you do it? How did it go?
Those are heavy subjects and he might not be in the mood to rehash them. So don't bring it up and let him decide if he wants to talk about that.
I did reconnect with an old bffs, just a simple "Hi! Finally found you! Been along time, how are you?" Some bff turns out not to be worth it...At least with those now I know and have closures.
Although, it isn't exactly the same thing happened to me. I had been close friends with a woman for many years, although we only saw each other once or twice a year we sent almost weekly emails to each other.
Almost a year passed and I then heard through the grapevine that she was miffed at me for not keeping in contact with her. Shortly after that I contacted her and explained that my husband had cancer and had been extremely ill for months, at times near death. She was embarrassed that she had not known that he was sick and apologized to me.
Luckily, all was forgiving and we are still good friends.
I am having a tough time trying to compose what to say. Do I tell him I now know his daughter died and his wife (most likely) dumped him? Or do I make him bare the pain again to share his daughter's death? That seems cruel. I am at a loss.
Have any of you purposely reconnected with a bff you once cut out of your life? How did it you do it? How did it go?
You can mention you recently heard about his daughter (do NOT mention the wife, that is really not appropriate IMO, nor mention you looked at her FB page, that's just odd).
I wouldn't say anything except how sorry you are...do NOT justify with excuses (your post above has many excuses), if you catch yourself wanting to say "But you...." stop yourself. Only say you are sorry and there is no excuse, and if he wants to rekindle your friendship you would love to hear back from him, but also that if he chooses not to respond you understand that, too.
You can mention you recently heard about his daughter (do NOT mention the wife, that is really not appropriate IMO, nor mention you looked at her FB page, that's just odd).
I wouldn't say anything except how sorry you are...do NOT justify with excuses (your post above has many excuses), if you catch yourself wanting to say "But you...." stop yourself. Only say you are sorry and there is no excuse, and if he wants to rekindle your friendship you would love to hear back from him, but also that if he chooses not to respond you understand that, too.
^^ Best advice here.
"Was just looking you up to see what has become of my old friend. I saw that you've lost your daughter. I am so sorry. I wish I had known sooner. I would love to hear from you to chat and catch up, see how you are doing. I miss our friendship and regret that we lost touch."
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