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I am 27 will be 28 by the end of the year. I am not established in life and still trying to discover who I am. I graduated college with a degree in criminal justice, but ever since college started feeling depressed. That was something uncommon for me I had a eating disorder in high school. Struggled as a kid with not wanting to get old, dealing with the divorce, and trouble focusing.
Not sure if follow relationship with my mom is always rocky. Recently like an exploding volcano. Mostly my mom call it telling me the truth. Basically blaming me for her drinking and smoking. My mom's infrequent mood chnages. Caling me names, saying I am a loser, telling me I looked better skinnier, depression is made up, you will never succeed. Barging in my room unannounced. Walking around the house naked. Trashing my room or house at random. Wanting to clean up her own messes in the house. That's been going on for awhile. Go into the volcano explosion later.
After graduating college, five year's, family upset it took me five year's to graduate college. Granted they didn't pay for it. I went to become police officer. After about 8-10 exams and no luck decided look elsewhere for employment. As an EMT and my per diem work in the hospital I found work utilizing my degree in a hospital close to home as a counselor. I lived on my own. Kind of felt freedom at that moment from my mom's control. From 24-27 lived with girlfriend. Paid about $400 in rent and did share of groceries. Also gave my mom money time to time.
Then life crashed girlfriend broke up with me. All that freedom I had landed me in $8,000 worth of debt, and was laid off from my job. I returned home with my mom, living with my mom is an external stressors of my depression. Friction furthered when I couldn't give my mom rent money from September to October, lived with my mom since June at that point.
Friction furthered with my mom and family when I passed up on applying to a job in corrections. I just didn't feel was right fit for me. I didn't know what to do with my life at this point. In November found a job finally. It was working great planned to go back to school. Then the job told me they couldn't guarantee me work.
I applied to a few job's but no luck. I applied interviewed at a job I worked at per diem before. My mom wanted me to get that job I really wasn't interested in the job. Without my knowing asked my uncle who works for the company to write a letter to HR to hire me. I finally got the job a month later. Family told me you need to stop job hopping, keep this job, you leave this job your insulting your uncle, and so forth.
I really wasn't interested in this job wanted to get back in mental health field. Girlfriend, fiance, at time worried about safety with the job. I dealt a lot with blood borne pathogens. Anyways landed two job's. I took the one that laid the most. It worked out well that the pay was same amount a week as my full time job was leaving. However, was only 24 hour's a week.
I couldn't tell my family that because they only look at working only 24 hour's. Family functions had to pretend working at my previous job. Then my mom started snooping through my e-mail, mail, and thought blocked her on Facebook my Facebook profile. Finally truth had to come out. My mom was upset initially hid and lied to her about the new job. However, as I knew be upset over the fact only working 24 hour's. Continually calling me lazy, a beep loser, and something is seriously wrong with you. Saying should pick up another part time job. You are working in a terrible place. Then changed, I used to, give my mom more money, but can only afford giving her $240 a week. Now wants me to give her $240 a week and buy my own groceries. I just can't afford that.
Then mom upset hid I got engaged. I knew she freak out over money, which she did. The plan was to get married din two, but bumped it up to a year. My fiance dad passed away set aside money that would be used towards her wedding. So we're going ahead with it in a year and 1/2.
I am still unsure of what want to do with life. Went to a few open houses for colleges think found right program for me. Trying to figure how to balance it out with work. Upsets my mom looking for another job since I stared this one. Looking for night job so can go to school during the day. Plan to use tuition money from current job to go back for my EMT certification and find work closer to home at night that way. I am looking to go back to school for civil engineering. Probably take me 2 1/2 year's. Fiance starts nursing school.in the fall with same time frame. Figure when we're done we look for work out of state. We have a plan. My fiance thinks be healthier for me to not live with my mom any longer. Doesn't want to rent rather buy her first place...also has mindset as a friend of hers in a low end area had bed bugs in her apartment. Anyways wants us to move in with her mom after the wedding for a year. Save up money for a place to buy on own. Mom in law is open to it.
Anyways that 's causing anger against my mom. Mom is against the wedding and wanting me to seek counseling. Mom even found a counselor for me because she thinks something is seriously wrong with me according to her.
I am bit stressed financially as have a $1400 tax bill coming out over next four month's. Have a car lease that 's getting close to over mileage. Damaged my car have $1500 to $2,000 damage. So trying to save up $1,000 for the fall to pay my deductible on my insurance. Save up another $5,000 to put toward my car in May. Then from May to October save money up for the wedding and try to take big chunk out of bills. I plan to take classes in the fall and finish up by 2017.
I don't know I feel overwhelmed and feel like a loser. My mom tells me I am...not sure if I should take it to heart.
Your post is all over the place. Your mother may see the same lack of focus.
At your age, you should have a plan, right now you have a pipe dream. You have a lot of debt with nothing to show for it, and you aren't pulling your weight at home by telling your mother you can't afford to pay rent and buy groceries. Yet you intend to get married?
I don't like the term loser. But you do not have your act together. First you want to be an EMT, then a civil engineer. At the rate you're moving forward, you'll be looking for a position as a 30 something, competing with new college grads, and your resume won't give you an edge, because you aren't sticking with anything.
You're young yet. If you were 58 in the same situation, I'd have my doubts about you, but I know plenty of 28 year olds in your situation. The positive news is that you want to improve your life.
What I'm going to say next may be upsetting, but I agree with your fiance that you really, really need to get away from your mother. Cut the apron strings. I know she's your mother and you love her, but sometimes mothers are manipulative, controlling, and even abusive. You need to have distance. You're old enough that she and the rest of your family should not have such influence over where you work. That's your and your fiance's business. You're a grown man and you get to control your life now. Please, please move out and don't let your mother and the rest of your family continue to force their opinions on you. My guess is that you come from a culture where family approval is extremely important, but you already recognize that living with someone who hurls abuse at you is not helping things. Please don't be afraid to put distance between you and them. That's not to say that your mother is completely wrong about everything - it's just that the way she's choosing to tell you is not helping you at all, and it's going to get worse the longer you stay.
And congratulations on getting engaged! No matter how much you make for a living, finding a life partner is such a fantastic thing, so congrats on getting one of the best things about life nailed down. Your marriage will also be more solid if you don't let your mother influence you any more. Your future wife is not going to be happy if she feels like every decision that she and you make together needs to get the approval of your mother. You and your fiance are a family unit now, and she's the one you need to be consulting from now on.
Also, with the money you're paying in rent, you can well afford an apartment. I know fiance wants to buy, but she might be willing to rent for another year or two if it's the only way you can leave your mother's dysfunctional household. (Also, be prepared for your mother's behavior to get more extreme as the wedding approaches. Trust me - you do not want to be living under her roof when the wedding pressure really ramps up).
Good luck to you. I say you're not a loser, you just haven't figured everything out yet - but there is time. Just start now. And the first step you need to take is moving out and not letting your mother into your business.
I wouldn't say it is the culture it's just behavior learned. My grandmother criticizes my mom in the same manner. Yes my family is very controlling it's their way or the highway. I mean lowest rent in a bad neighborhood no utilities was about $500 in my area. Have a high COL in New England that's why I am moving South not only for lower living cost, better weather, but go distance myself from family. I feel guilty doing it but in the long run feel it will be healthier.
Your post is all over the place. Your mother may see the same lack of focus.
At your age, you should have a plan, right now you have a pipe dream. You have a lot of debt with nothing to show for it, and you aren't pulling your weight at home by telling your mother you can't afford to pay rent and buy groceries. Yet you intend to get married?
I don't like the term loser. But you do not have your act together. First you want to be an EMT, then a civil engineer. At the rate you're moving forward, you'll be looking for a position as a 30 something, competing with new college grads, and your resume won't give you an edge, because you aren't sticking with anything.
Figure EMT can give me a night job. Go to school complete a tech degree in Engineering. Then have two licenses under by belt if move can find work if not done with school yet. The tech degree completes a lot of classes for the civil engineering program. Hopefully help me make connections. Kind of my game plan. Right now don't have time yes working part time, but employer schedules me at their own will. Can do five, four, three day's. No set schedule not sure what shifts if working. Only a month in the job so can't make demands yet. If I do the EMT beyond working night's working closer to home. Less travel on car. Can focus more on school as will have time during the day. Also if can balance it out can pick up a gig as a substitute teacher in my city easily. So can have some supplemental income.
Did some research the hospitals hire a lot of EMTs to fill positions in my area. Was hoping could of got this night position applied to at a hospital to skip the EMT step and jump right into school, but have to do what have to do.
Dumb idea. I tried that and here's what I discovered it amounts to:
But at least I had college paid for and saved up a good chunk of money. In hindsight I wish I could've started my current career 8-9 years earlier where I'd be further along, much more highly skilled, and making twice the money.
Besides there are only two kinds of Iraq war vets that I know of: those on one hand who woke up and are seriously disillusioned about the insane government running this country (by, of, and for the bankers, defense contractors, and the poison industrial complex (Monsanto, etc.)) and those on the other hand who are still brainwashed into believing America is "#1" in everything. We're certainly #1 in dropping bombs and shooting missiles at people who just want to be left alone, I'll grant us that.
Why in the world would you get married when you don't have any idea about what you're doing with your life?
Do you think being married is actually going to FIX your problems?
Uh, no... now you'll have to be concerned with and help support someone else as well.
From unemployment for six month's. Came off of unemployment in November bounced between two job's couldn't save money up. Knew the bill be high. Also had an $800 car tax bill. Probably have another one come in July which will stink hoping be below $800.
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