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eh, I'd rather poke myself in the eye repeatedly with a dull pencil than spend any more time than I have with those people.
They are in the past and I prefer to keep them in the past.
Last edited by CSD610; 05-14-2015 at 10:57 AM..
Reason: I left out part of my thought so I added it.
I never got an account due to my anxiety. I would feel weird to contact them through a page, then they see my page has no one on my friends list. Due to the way my life is going, I just wanted to make contact with certain people, but if I had a page and they added me, then others from the past would see me and if they were to be nosy and find out that my life hasn't really moved any, I've been stuck in the past, I'd feel really embarrassed. I work, have my own place and car but in a sense I've been frozen. I haven't lived life, haven't traveled, haven't dated since 20, no real experiences.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man
Why did you do it this way? I would think this would just cause confusion. Facebook is free and it's easy to sign up, so why not just create your own account?
I've used Facebook to reconnect with several old friends from high school (which, for me, is now over 30 years in my rear-view mirror) and even one from elementary school, and it's been a pleasant experience. But the key is to manage expectations. Each time, there would be a flurry of messages back and forth at first, catching each other up on what we've been up to. But then it settles down to the point that they're just another person on the Friends list, occasionally "liking" a picture I might post but otherwise having little contact. We've not picked up our friendships from where they've left off, and honestly, I never expected that we would. It's just nice to see what they've been up to, and know that even now, thanks to social media, we can acknowledge our shared past and have a little tiny connection in the here-and-now.
No, contacting them would be even more awkward. I look normal, you'd never guess I had anxiety by looking at me. When I worked outside the house (7 years ago), I only spoke with these people to get the job done, but I never went out with them when they invited me nor hold a conversation when they tried. They assumed I didn't socialize and hang with them because I was anti-social and stuck up--they didn't know I was battling extreme anxiety. One lady asked me why I didn't talk to her, but I didn't answer back. When invited to one of their parties, another said, "You know she's not coming. She anti-social and thinks she's better than us."
Which was so far from the truth, but I let it slide because it was more uncomfortable to reveal I suffered from anxiety. So, I kind of left a bitter taste and had no relationship with them other than work so it would be super awkward to pop up in their life now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man
Have you tried connecting with the people who tried to befriend you while you were suffering from anxiety?
OP, I know how you feel. I found a woman on FB a few years ago - she worked for me 30 years ago and we were good friends (limited to work though, not outside work). But we just connected well, and had the same sense of humour. I thought about her so much over the years and missed her, after we both moved on, to different jobs and family life. I was so excited to find her again 25 years later now, like me, with adult children. I added her as a friend, wrote a huge heartfelt note to her and told her a little of what i'd been up to and asked her about her kids. She added me as a friend, but never replied to my note. After a few months I sent another saying hey, where are you, would love to hear from you blah blah. Nothing. I could see she was active on FB and wondered why she bothered to add me if she didn't want to communicate. So after about 2 years and a third note, and a few greetings on her wall, I just removed her.
But it made me feel like our friendship had been fake, all those years ago. To this day it makes me question myself, and how I come across to people. I think I also felt foolish, and a little humiliated. It still niggles at me a bit. I can't rationalize it, lol.
MY feelings are - If we haven't seen or talked to each other in years, we are NOT friends..We USED to be friends....
If we were indeed friends then we would have kept in touch at least occasionally thru out the years....
I had someone who I thought was one of my best friends... BUT haven't heard from in roughly 17 years.... Then BOOM all of a sudden they found me and wanted to get together.. I didn't even bother to respond but my wife did and this person ended up being in our town and came over for dinner.. Ok had dinner they left and have not heard from them again.. No big loss...
I figure if you don't have time for me why should I make time for you...
I never got an account due to my anxiety. I would feel weird to contact them through a page, then they see my page has no one on my friends list. Due to the way my life is going, I just wanted to make contact with certain people, but if I had a page and they added me, then others from the past would see me and if they were to be nosy and find out that my life hasn't really moved any, I've been stuck in the past, I'd feel really embarrassed. I work, have my own place and car but in a sense I've been frozen. I haven't lived life, haven't traveled, haven't dated since 20, no real experiences.
Look at it this way. If your old friends do reconnect with you, and you pick up where you left off, they're going to find all this out anyway, sooner or later. Might as well let 'em know upfront.
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Originally Posted by Vectoris
But it made me feel like our friendship had been fake, all those years ago.
Why would you think that? People change in 25 years. You surely have, and your old friend probably has too. I see no reason why the you of 25 years ago couldn't have been good friends with the other person of 25 years ago, even if she doesn't feel that way now. Enjoy the memories of your friendship and let it go at that.
Aw, sorry for the way she treated you. You are one brave one however because I could never send three messages--one message was enough to scar me.
It's just weird.. you see so many stories where childhood friends are so excited to see one another and say none of their friends during adulthood could ever compare to their bond, then people you've thought of treat you like you never existed. Life is about learning, but with the wise words from you all and comfort, I'm also learning to let go. Just know I feel your pain! hugs
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vectoris
OP, I know how you feel. I found a woman on FB a few years ago - she worked for me 30 years ago and we were good friends (limited to work though, not outside work). But we just connected well, and had the same sense of humour. I thought about her so much over the years and missed her, after we both moved on, to different jobs and family life. I was so excited to find her again 25 years later now, like me, with adult children. I added her as a friend, wrote a huge heartfelt note to her and told her a little of what i'd been up to and asked her about her kids. She added me as a friend, but never replied to my note. After a few months I sent another saying hey, where are you, would love to hear from you blah blah. Nothing. I could see she was active on FB and wondered why she bothered to add me if she didn't want to communicate. So after about 2 years and a third note, and a few greetings on her wall, I just removed her.
But it made me feel like our friendship had been fake, all those years ago. To this day it makes me question myself, and how I come across to people. I think I also felt foolish, and a little humiliated. It still niggles at me a bit. I can't rationalize it, lol.
I understand your take, but to me, it depends on how we separated. The entire time I knew these friends, we had good times together. We weren't in each other's life due to moving as a kid. If my parents hadn't moved, we would have continued our friendship.
I have some people who we just decided not to talk anymore, outgrew each other, etc. and I wouldn't expect much from them. To me, used to be friends are people you were once cool with but fell out with. Anyone I lost touch with due to moving as a kid (no phone to keep in touch or no car to visit), I still considered friends because the disconnect was not by choice. I do get where you're coming from however.
Curious, why didn't you respond? Had your feelings went away? I'd be curious as to why it ended and they never called after dinner. Strange. You two found out you didn't have much in common anymore, I suppose.
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Originally Posted by SoCalCpl2
MY feelings are - If we haven't seen or talked to each other in years, we are NOT friends..We USED to be friends....
If we were indeed friends then we would have kept in touch at least occasionally thru out the years....
I had someone who I thought was one of my best friends... BUT haven't heard from in roughly 17 years.... Then BOOM all of a sudden they found me and wanted to get together.. I didn't even bother to respond but my wife did and this person ended up being in our town and came over for dinner.. Ok had dinner they left and have not heard from them again.. No big loss...
I figure if you don't have time for me why should I make time for you...
Thanks and you're right about the self-esteem part. I do feel real weird and sort of unloved/rejected if you know what I mean. I see so many news stories of people reconnecting with childhood friends they hadn't seen in well over 40 or so years, but they say they never forgot about one another with tears in their eyes and huge smiles on their face, they are doing things to make up for old times, even though they met new friends they say it never compared to their old childhood friend, etc. and this is what I felt about them excluding the news story.
I don't see this. I see news stories about long-separated SIBLINGS who reconnected, but I rarely see anything about old friends.
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Originally Posted by SolelySolo
It really did take a huge shot at my self-esteem. A part of me wonders why everyone else I see connects and the bond is still there meanwhile when I reach out, I end up feeling like some bothersome reject. I was unrealistic.
I think this ^^^ is why it affects your self-esteem. You are really assigning WAY too much importance to this and not actually seeing it realistically. Do you honestly believe that this is happening to EVERYONE ELSE?? EVERYONE????
A realistic approach would help you. I also think you should stop looking around at what you **think** is happening in other people's lives and focus on making YOUR world better.
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
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