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Friends from teen years, I connect with and enjoy via Facebook. But childhood friends where we lost contact early, not so much. If they contacted me it would be a couple minutes of amusement and then I would move on. What would we have in common? Even memories would be spotty.
But don't take it personal. People are into their own lives.
What are your feelings on reconnecting with old, childhood friends?
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I have experienced all this and had different results. Re-connected with my high school best friend after a failed attempt back in the 90's, have been disappointed in others, and even made new friends with a few classmates that I barely knew then.
It's not that easy because of what "life" does to each of us over time. When we try again after we're not kids anymore, and have lived and learned (or not) after a few decades, sometimes we see each other differently from what our memories serve us.
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
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oh dear, I don't know really because people do change quite a bit. I tried that a few years ago (i'm 19) when they stopped speaking to me out of the blue and it hasn't really worked.
Not really interested now, they are even less likely as they have their own friends. Plus it just seems like a whole lot of pointless work when you can go out and meet better people. The few ones that I have reconnected with have been awkward almost like new people because i've never had anything to say.
What I do is just add them on Facebook so that I can see what they are doing from there. These people are basically different people now, I don't know who they are.
I'm sort of torn on this. I am friends with many of my childhood friends on Facebook. So, in a general sense I know what they are up to, but we don't actually message one another or talk. I can see that many/most of them have kids now, and none of my current friends do. It makes me want to reach out because I can already see that my current friendships are going to be strained by parenthood (just pregnancy has been enough that some have distanced themselves from me).
I don't really see any harm in messaging people, from your own account, of course. But, try not to be super invested in the outcome. I really have no idea if the people I knew when I was a kid are anything like how I remember them or if they have changed dramatically. You don't know that either. Maybe nerdy Brian turned into a frat boy who drinks whenever he's not with his wife/kids. I have no clue.
I would be happy to get messages from my old friends. If it turned out we have nothing in common anymore, oh well.
I'm in this boat too, friends with them on Facebook but rarely, if ever, communicate with more than a handful.
I'm okay with that, but the connection is so superficial (only via social media) that it feels meaningless. Unless you were actually closer to the person, I think these connections aren't even helpful - for me, it ends up being a measuring stick of some kind. I'm doing better than "X" but not "Y" How did "Z" end up with THAT person? It's more gossipy than anything else.
I'm in this boat too, friends with them on Facebook but rarely, if ever, communicate with more than a handful.
I'm okay with that, but the connection is so superficial (only via social media) that it feels meaningless. Unless you were actually closer to the person, I think these connections aren't even helpful - for me, it ends up being a measuring stick of some kind. I'm doing better than "X" but not "Y" How did "Z" end up with THAT person? It's more gossipy than anything else.
I agree. I don't feel like I'm connected to most of these people in any real way. I do have 3 friends from elementary school that I do still have actual communication with and we all got together last summer for a "reunion." They are great, and I see the one who lives in the same area as me every couple months or more (she travels constantly for work, otherwise it would probably be weekly).
Every once in awhile I am tempted to reach out to some of my other childhood friends, but then something just stops me from doing it. I don't know why, because if they didn't want to connect with me I'd certainly be no worse off.
I see where everyone is coming from. I browse through profiles to see what everyone is up to, but I do also notice that many of the people have 500 to a few thousand people on their friends list, but only about 5 people or less comment on their posts, pics, etc. I see people add their old teachers, friends/associates of their parents, etc.
This leads me to wonder if people just add everyone they have ever met for the illusion of popularity. I have a cousin who has over 2,000 people on her FB, but she only has one real life friend she does things with. When her car breaks down, etc. she has to call family, no friends to come to her rescue.
I also see people always posting messages about it's time to delete people or how people will hit them up via Facebook, but when they see them out and about, the same people act like they don't know them. It seems most people in their 20's and early 30's have lot's of people on their list, but people over 40 only have about 5 family members and maybe 3 other people.
Curious, when you get over 40 do you just disconnect from most people? It seems around this age, most people only associate with family and MAYBE 1 to 2 people whereas when a little younger, they have hundreds of people they go out with.
Curious, when you get over 40 do you just disconnect from most people? It seems around this age, most people only associate with family and MAYBE 1 to 2 people whereas when a little younger, they have hundreds of people they go out with.
No.. like you said earlier about most of the friendships being superficial.. once you're over 40 you realize that most contacts you have around you are superficial. The older you get, the easier it is to recognize those people who you have a decent connection with, something that will last or potential for a real bond between you two.
This is why older people tend to have 1 or 2 close friends and maybe a lover or two instead of hundreds of 'friends' around. Its not that they don't know more people (they know plenty). Its the fact that they've recognized most of them aren't really friends after all and therefore don't waste much time on them. Time is better spent on people who matter to you. You finally understand that as you mature into your older years..
You should set up an account and see if anyone wants to reconnect with you. Don't worry about the number of friends.
I had a woman contact me after over 40 years. She just wanted to know how I was. We did not become FB friends since we really have nothing in common except high school. It was nice to hear from her though. My FB friends are only people that are in my life now.
You are young. You have time to reinvent yourself, Get out there!
Long story short: How do you feel about childhood friends you haven't seen in 15-20 yrs? Have you forgotten them? Would you be happy to reconnect with them? If they sent you a message via Facebook, etc. would you feel like they are a weirdo for contacting you after all those years or would you be excited?
Longer story:
I feel like I'm stuck in the past. I'm 31 and still often think about my friends during childhood (elementary and early middle school days.) Even though I haven't seen some of them in like 15 to 20 yrs, they are still friends in my head and I feel like they are family. I used to smile when thinking of them, BUT...
Anyways, years ago, I sent three of them messages via social networks (Myspace and Facebook) and the reactions from them made me feel bad. I didn't have an account of my own, so I sent them a message through someone else page. I sent one a message, asking if I had the right person and she confirmed I did, seemed pretty jolly and sent a long message back, then asked who I was. When I sent a message back telling her who I was, she never responded again. The other two spoke back, but it wasn't with any sort of emotion. One said she had bad memory and think she remembered me, but I stopped responding because it felt awkward. I was hoping to connect with an old friend, not someone who had forgotten me. I used to spend the night at her house, her mother used to take us places, drop me off at school, etc. so I felt she was lying about not remembering me.
The third old friend did seem a bit excited, still referring to me as her best friend during childhood, but we exchanged about 3 messages and that was it.
I ended up regretting sending the messages and feeling sort of down, because I had held unto all these people for years, thinking of them often and thought we'd pick up where we left off, but ended up feeling uncomfortable and foolish. I know everyone is different and people change. I can think of about 50+ more people I grew up with, who I had deep bonds with back then, but have decided to not even take the chance of contacting them, because who knows if any of them are the same either. Will any of them be happy to hear from me or will they all act funny and treat me like a weirdo..
What are your feelings on reconnecting with old, childhood friends?
People move on. They have new lives, new friends, families, etc. You should think about doing the same.
You sound like you have a self-esteem problem....maybe get help with that as well.
SS
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