Neighbors over stepping boundaries! (issues, husband, person, member)

[shaylahc]

Also, it is very rude to let your grass die. I'm sure it's the neighborhood eyesore. Be glad you don't have an HOA.

[Kibbiekat]

OK I apparently misread about who dug up the yard. My advice still stands. Neighbor is overstepping. Op and spouse need to speak up.

[Mattie]

Originally Posted by DubbleT

Whole thing likely could have been avoided had you simply talked to your neighbor at some point. Especially knowing how he likes to 'help' with your yard.
"Hey john, the yard looks awful after that plumbing repair doesn't it? Hope the neighborhood can put up with the unsightly mess until we get a chance to fix it next month. We are planning to ....."

Can't rep this, but, yes, absolutely. Give the guy a break, and an apology for the way the yard looks. If he sees the need to rake, then I'd take that as a message you need to pay more attention to your property.

[seasick]

Quoting the OP:

"...Trust me, I would if I could. And why don't you open your damn mind for a second and learn about how the rest of the world is doing. With the amount of money the US has, we should be shooting past all these other countries in terms of healthcare, education, transportation, infrastructure and freedom, but we are lagging behind in all those areas when compared to other developed countries."


Here's someone who decries the U.S.'s perceived lagging behind other countries - quite true in some ways, very untrue in others - and calls others narrow-minded - yet...NO HUMANITY FOR THE OLD NEIGHBOR.

Grrrrrrrrrr

The original post made me sad, but it just gets sadder, with those who egg on the OP in her dislike of this old fellow and who are so hostile to the old man, who strikes me as a lonely person with a disability (OP sneeringly remarks he's almost deaf)- double UGH - yes, I have a soft spot for THESE THE LEAST OF MY BRETHREN...

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by seasick

Quoting the OP:

"...Trust me, I would if I could. And why don't you open your damn mind for a second and learn about how the rest of the world is doing. With the amount of money the US has, we should be shooting past all these other countries in terms of healthcare, education, transportation, infrastructure and freedom, but we are lagging behind in all those areas when compared to other developed countries."


Here's someone who decries the U.S.'s perceived lagging behind other countries - quite true in some ways, very untrue in others - and calls others narrow-minded - yet...NO HUMANITY FOR THE OLD NEIGHBOR.

Grrrrrrrrrr

The original post made me sad, but it just gets sadder, with those who egg on the OP in her dislike of this old fellow and who are so hostile to the old man, who strikes me as a lonely person with a disability (OP sneeringly remarks he's almost deaf)- double UGH - yes, I have a soft spot for THESE THE LEAST OF MY BRETHREN...

I don't see anywhere where the OP has ever said they confronted or were rude to the neighbor. So, it's okay if you are lonely and have a disability to just go around the neighborhood doing whatever you think needs to be done in your neighbor's yard?

And what does the above quoted statement have to do with the OP disliking the neighbor doing unauthorized work in their yard?

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

I don't see anywhere where the OP has ever said they confronted or were rude to the neighbor. So, it's okay if you are lonely and have a disability to just go around the neighborhood doing whatever you think needs to be done in your neighbor's yard?

No, no one is saying that at all. But the OP didn't nip it in the bud because she did not want to deal with someone who's hearing isn't what it should be.
The neighbor is not a mind-reader. He probably thought what he was doing was okay 1) because the OP did not deal with it and he was just helping out, and/or 2) because the OP did not tell him to stay out of her yard.

[Fiona13]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

No, no one is saying that at all. But the OP didn't nip it in the bud because she did not want to deal with someone who's hearing isn't what it should be.
The neighbor is not a mind-reader. He probably thought what he was doing was okay 1) because the OP did not deal with it and he was just helping out, and/or 2) because the OP did not tell him to stay out of her yard.

Maybe the previous owners appreciated the guy helping out and allowed him to do it, so he thought he was doing a good thing. He sounds like a nice older guy who wants something to do and likes to help others. I have to say I am a little jealous and I wish I had a neighbor who wanted to pick weeds or cut my grass.

When I lived up north, we had a neighbor who would come over and plow our driveway without asking. I baked him cookies. Most people appreciate this type of thing, but if you don't you have to speak up. Tell the neighbor you have other plans for that patch of lawn and while you appreciate his intentions, to please leave it alone.

[Pennies4Penny]

The nasty comments from this thread are eating away at me. I came back to try my best to explain my situation. PLEASE READ IT CAREFULLY BEFORE RESPONDING. And it would probably do a lot of you a lot of good to reread my first post. I am not going to quote anyone, because there is too much to address, so I am just giving a general response.

I HAVE never been mean, rude, or yelled at my neighbor. Even yesterday when I was boiling mad, I calmly explained that what he was doing went against our plans. In my OP I said he was nice and I understand he is well intended (funny how most of you missed that ). When he does something I say, "Thank you, but my husband can take care of it." He still does it. Like most old people, he is HARD of hearing (he is in NO WAY disabled!) and as a soft spoken person, I have a hard time talking to him, because I feel like I am shouting at him and I don't want to do that. He is not lonely. His wife is there and his children and grandchildren check in on them a couple times a week. Bored, probably (again I acknowledged that in my OP). He is a busy body, he needs to do things. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but when it starts effecting MY property, then yes, it becomes a problem. I didn't "nip it the bud" because even though I find it irritating, most of the stuff he does is harmless (addressed in OP). This went too far!! He has no right to reseed and excessively water OUR yard. He didn't even so much as mention it to us, much less ask. He just did it. He is going to undo what we are trying to do (seeding a lawn requires lots of daily watering for weeks!) and cost us more money.

Our yard is not an eyesore. Until our plumbing issue, it was one of the best looking ones on the block. We have an orange tree and another huge tree that drops pods and flowers. To keep all of that stuff off of the lawn 100% of the time, it would have to be raked/picked up once or twice a day. We don't have time for that! My husband does it on the weekends. Sometimes we have other things to do and a week gets missed heaven forbid!! But it is generally neat and tidy. The amount of stuff my neighbor rakes up wouldn't even fill up a gocery bag. He is just picking at our yard because he has nothing else to do on those days.

Our current situation is not that bad. It's not pretty, but it could be worse. Our other neighbor, who shares a property line with us got fined from the city for overgrown grass in their gravel. Another neighbor across the street was fined for weeds. If our yard was so terrible, we would've gotten fined too. The city has been back a few times over the past couple weeks to check our neighbor's progress and we still haven't gotten fined. Must not be the big disgusting mess you guys are picturing!! My husband picks out the tall weeds, so it is mostly short weeds with patches of grass and bald spots where dirt is exposed.

Why wait to let it die? Well because this is the start of SUMMER IN ARIZONA and if we STOP WATERING it won't take long before it's dead. That is cheaper than paying someone to load it with poison to kill it off. It's been like this for so long because 1) we weren't sure what we wanted to do about it 2) we don't have mountains of money to throw at our problems and must follow a tight budget and 3) we are in the middle of trying to fix up our kitchen to increase our home value for resale. Doing the yard is cheaper and can wait. All our neighbors are nice and understanding and really don't give a crap if our yard is mostly dirt for a few months. And yes I am so glad we don't have an HOA! Paying someone to dictate how my house should look is pretty wasteful IMO.

I am going to talk to my neighbor's adult grandson the next time he is over. He even told me that if the old man is bothering us to tell him to go away, because he knows he grandfather can be too "helpful." I don't want to be so mean, but I am hoping if his grandson talks to him, he will understand better and be more respectful of our property.

I hope this clears some things up. If you all still think I am a hateful, angry person then I guess that is your problem, but it makes me sad to know people think that about me.

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

Good thing you are moving soon!

Your posts seem to have a common theme...
Inlaws: "they became so overbearing and judgemental and annoying that I can hardly stand them anymore. "
Neighborhood: "We HATE where we live. "
Friends: "But I can't help but wonder what it is I keep doing that I can't maintain friendships. It's really depressing. "
Businesses: "I'm so annoyed right now! I've had two horrible experiences with two local businesses over the past month or so and it just makes me wonder WHY are people so awful? "


You seem really unhappy about everything. Have you considered therapy?

As for this hate filled unnecessary comment.... No one is forcing you to read my posts. If you don't like them DON'T READ THEM and definitely stop making nasty comments. But I will clear these up too....

In-laws: We got along perfectly for the first three years of my husband and I's relationship. We enjoyed many gatherings and holidays with them before moving out of state and I chatted and skyped with them often after we moved. Then I had a baby. MIL started making snarky, judgemental comments about my parenting choices and DELIBERATELY goes against them. I can't and shouldn't change what I want for my kids just to please her. I don't like being monitored and interrogated every time they call, so I basically took a step back from them and only speak to them when they are visiting.

Neighborhood: I actually like my neighborhood, I hate Arizona. It is okay to not like the state you live in. We are trying to fix that, it takes time and the delays are frustrating, but will be worthwhile.

Friends: I never said my friends did anything mean, rude or ugly to me. They just basically started backing off then stopped talking to me. Why is it wrong to wonder why? Why is it wrong to try to make making friends easier? I know my location doesn't jive with my personal beliefs. See above.

Local Businesses: Well, if someone refusing to give you a refund after providing subpar services and leaving you completely devestated and unhappy (business 1) and another trying to cheat you by sneaking in extra labor (business 2) doesn't make you mad, then I guess you are just a perfect and much better human being than the rest of us. I bow to you!

I am not sure if I will stay or go, but you Pitt Chick, can just stay away from my posts. I hardly ever break down and cry, and I don't want to do it again anytime soon, thank you very much!

[Pitt Chick]

Sorry, but my post was not hate-filled.

I am happy that you are moving. You are so unhappy where you are!
I quoted YOUR posts. If you see hate there, well.....
I suggested therapy. That also is not hateful. Plenty of people work through their issues with a professional; I thought you might benefit from one also.

Best of luck in you new place.

[Pennies4Penny]

I also want to thank everyone who made kind and helpful comments and sent me encouraging PMs. I really do appreciate them! Made me feel better .