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I'm not sure what to think. My daughter is graduating from high school tomorrow. We only get 4 tickets to the ceremony so we only invited one set of grandparents. I asked her multiple times about a party or lunch or dinner or activity on the day of the event and she was indifferent.
Her dad, step mom and sibs, and grandparents on that side decided to go out to dinner tomorrow night. Fine, I have to work. Then they changed plans to have the dinner tonight at a nice seafood restaurant of her choosing.
Normally for her birthday dinner she asks that her dad and I and sister have dinner together with her at a restaurant. She decides and we are fine with that. Even after he got remarried with two new kids, we all go together (and he pays). I love his new wife, her kids are great and I am on good terms with my ex-laws.
But for some reason she was hesitant to insist that I be included tonight and wanted to make sure it was okay with her dad. I didn't want her to feel pressured or caught in the middle, so I sent him a brief email and asked if it would be okay if I joined them since I don't have to work. He did not respond.
So now I'm in limbo, waiting for someone to make a decision and invite me. I'm feeling very hurt that it was not automatically assumed by her or him that I should be included. I'm normally very easygoing and don't fuss about these kinds of things. But it's her graduation!
I'm not sure what to think. My daughter is graduating from high school tomorrow. We only get 4 tickets to the ceremony so we only invited one set of grandparents. I asked her multiple times about a party or lunch or dinner or activity on the day of the event and she was indifferent.
Her dad, step mom and sibs, and grandparents on that side decided to go out to dinner tomorrow night. Fine, I have to work. Then they changed plans to have the dinner tonight at a nice seafood restaurant of her choosing.
Normally for her birthday dinner she asks that her dad and I and sister have dinner together with her at a restaurant. She decides and we are fine with that. Even after he got remarried with two new kids, we all go together (and he pays). I love his new wife, her kids are great and I am on good terms with my ex-laws.
But for some reason she was hesitant to insist that I be included tonight and wanted to make sure it was okay with her dad. I didn't want her to feel pressured or caught in the middle, so I sent him a brief email and asked if it would be okay if I joined them since I don't have to work. He did not respond.
So now I'm in limbo, waiting for someone to make a decision and invite me. I'm feeling very hurt that it was not automatically assumed by her or him that I should be included. I'm normally very easygoing and don't fuss about these kinds of things. But it's her graduation!
WWYD?
Why does she have to insist? Maybe they just want to do this alone this time? Have dinner with her another night.
It's nice you are all on good terms. However, it is more common in split families to split events. They do dinner, you can do your own celebration. That's how we always have done it with my step kids. It's not really a hardship and works out well. Everyone is happy. I'd say if you asked your ex once and didn't get a reply, plan your own event or dinner with your side of the family and your daughter for a different night.
Now this is a shot in the dark, but...if it were me, I'd want to start to split things more as they turned 18 and graduated. Like when my step kids turned 18 their mom could no longer enforce the custody arrangements. So they would work out who had time when. I would have rather have my own time with them and not have the ex along, even if we got along. I would be interested in forming my own family bonds and memories.
I can see why you are disappointed, but maybe your daughter wants this to be separate event for once.
Perhaps plan something else with her and your family.
BTW, have your daughter ask her friends if they have any extra tickets that they aren't using, if it's not too late to invite her father or the other grandparents to the ceremony. Not everyone has grandparents or extra relatives that are attending.
At both of my children's graduations we gave away our extra tickets (every graduate received 6 tickets) and their friends were very happy to get them for their relatives. One of the graduates was able to snag enough extra tickets that he brought about 20 people to the ceremony (frankly, it seemed pretty excessive to me, but maybe being a HS graduate was a very big deal in his family or something like that).
Now this is a shot in the dark, but...if it were me, I'd want to start to split things more as they turned 18 and graduated. Like when my step kids turned 18 their mom could no longer enforce the custody arrangements. So they would work out who had time when. I would have rather have my own time with them and not have the ex along, even if we got along. I would be interested in forming my own family bonds and memories.
What custody arrangements? When she got a car two years ago, she and her sister started making their own plans with dad and let me know. They are free to see him whenever they want (and he is in town).
My youngest just took the bull by the horns and said "Hey, dad, what time should mom meet us at the restaurant for dinner" right in front of the ex-laws and he said "6:30" Problem solved. I'm fairly certain the ex-laws would have been surprised if I were not included, and would have said so, so I think she just saved him that embarrassment.
Believe me, aside from college graduation, weddings and babies, we'll be doing a lot more separately from now on.
What custody arrangements? When she got a car two years ago, she and her sister started making their own plans with dad and let me know. They are free to see him whenever they want (and he is in town).
My youngest just took the bull by the horns and said "Hey, dad, what time should mom meet us at the restaurant for dinner" right in front of the ex-laws and he said "6:30" Problem solved. I'm fairly certain the ex-laws would have been surprised if I were not included, and would have said so, so I think she just saved him that embarrassment.
Believe me, aside from college graduation, weddings and babies, we'll be doing a lot more separately from now on.
Thanks for the update. I'm glad that the youngest stepped in.
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