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I am really happy that same sex marriage is now legal but now I think we need to tackle discrimination of singles. Do you feel singles are discriminated against? Singles pay more for insurance, vacations and many more areas. Singles do not get the social security benefits of married people. FMLA is geared toward married people. Its so ingrained in society that we don't notice it. When we get old, we won't have help like married people.
I've been married. I've been single. I have noticed no difference in vacations, and health insurance is infinitely cheaper for me alone than if I were married, so I'm not sure where you're getting that.
Regarding employment, I noticed no difference in urban or sophisticated professional environments. Small suburban offices, yes. I've run into a few rubes who actually asked my marital status in job interviews. One more reason I am hightailing it out of suburbia: the rube ratio is too high for my tastes.
But if anything, I used my child-free marital status as a selling point. "I have a life and appreciate work-life balance, but you'll never have to worry about me coming in late or cutting out early to take care of a sick spouse or child. You won't have to worry about maternity leave, or me saying I'm taking maternity leave and then deciding at the end of it that I'm not coming back."
Competition for good jobs can be cutthroat and fierce, and I had no problem cutting throats and being fierce if it landed me the job I wanted--which it did a few times.
I don't know about this. I think many married people actually envy singles their freedom to come and go as they please, to vacation when and where they want, to date/sleep with others, to spend their money as they please. I have many single friends (divorced mainly) and we invite them to stay with us, to take trips with us, etc. We enjoy having them around as it "livens things up" to have someone new to talk to and vicariously enjoy their singlehood. Many singles have been through marriage and are now enjoying their freedom and nobody thinks they are defective.
and that is the absolute truth...I live in a 55+ community, and all the now single ladies who were married, and their husbands died, say the same thing...they would never marry again...but, these are a generation probably before you, where the women, weighted on their men...hand and foot, the men didn't help with housework...and they went, and the women stayed home....plus, mix that with their mother's who did everything for them...and no, they would never marry again...they would date but never marry or live with someone.
Because it's the price of admission in a civilized society, same as paying taxes for police departments and fire stations even if you're never a victim of a crime and your house never catches fire. When it comes to civil services like education, law enforcement, etc., what benefits your neighbor benefits you, because it results in a higher quality of life for all. Or do you want to live in a complete idiocracy? Personally, I have no desire for a President Camacho. (NSFW: Language)
It takes a certain amount of myopia to question or complain about this stuff.
Older single people are viewed as defective. That is because the 2 foundations of a successful life include a job that fulfills you and romantic love. If you are seen without either of those as a "middle-aged to older" person, you are viewed as having something wrong with you, since these 2 things are the "basics" that most mentally healthy people figure out and implement. ...
That is a poignant comparison. Going further, many recognize that the present economy is fraught with imbalances and instabilities, making workforce-participation precarious, and long-term-unemployment a looming threat. Thus there is more tolerance for being unemployed or otherwise materially-challenged. There is on the other hand less tolerance for those who are unable to find a romantic partner in life. The perception is that if a person can't find meaningful employment, at least part of the cause is institutional or societal. Our employable/marketable skills become obsolete, and we can't entirely be expected to retrain. But if a person can't find a boyfriend/girlfriend, the fault is entirely personal. Finding a partner is contingent upon social skills and good character, and those things, one supposes, never become obsolete.
The problem becomes more intense as one rises on the so-called socioeconomic ladder. A middle-aged retail-clerk who's single receives partial dispensation, as he/she might be too harried and impoverished to afford luxuries like dating. But a person in a position of leadership, who is well-known as a technical expert or a celebrated litigant or medical practitioner or whatnot, to whom perhaps hundreds of people report at work, well, such a person really feels the lack of a romantic partner as a sore impediment to functioning in the community. The thinking goes, that if you're sufficiently energetic and diligent to become a leader in your field, why wasn't that energy according to the task of finding a life-partner? The implication is that one is a "creep", a fool, a "player", or otherwise has some gross and debilitating defect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow
...I have many single friends (divorced mainly) and we invite them to stay with us, to take trips with us, etc. We enjoy having them around as it "livens things up" to have someone new to talk to and vicariously enjoy their singlehood. ...
Yes, some married-couples are friendly and even solicitous, and I'm very grateful for such support. Unfortunately, awkwardness is unavoidable. There we are, sitting around the dining-table... husband, wife, their 3 kids... and the single guy. How should the conversation be calibrated, so as to avoid subjecting the children to controversial or untoward subjects? And what if the parents are an older couple, with one of their kids a daughter, back on break from college? Won't the father worry about the single-guy staring at the daughter? If the kids are younger, the family might have to end dinner early, to put the kids to bed. And so on.
I just thought about the fact that my husband and I lived together for 6 years before we married. Once we were married, not one single thing changed except my last name. We paid the same mortgage, insurance, vacation costs, income, etc. We were already beneficiaries of each others accounts etc. The only thing that changed was the rules for inheritance, and the fact that we were able to carry one another on our employer provided health insurance allowing us to have double coverage. In the later years of my employment, that provision was cancelled since our employers started using the same insurer and double coverage by one company was forbidden by that company. A lot has been made of hospital rules about visitors in ICU, etc, I have never had a hospital refuse me admittance to the room of any relative or friend, no matter whether they were in ICU or not. I just go in without asking, and I've never been questioned. If questioned I would just say I'm immediate family, how would they know??
Not if you file married filing single? Or am I wrong?
As for single people paying more for vacations, I go on a trip every year with a single friend. I assumed we pay the exact same amount for everything. Guess I'll have to check with the hotel and such to see if they tack on a "single" fee for her that I'm unaware of...
Nope, you are wrong there.....single occupancies pay more, even on bus trips....all bus trips are more for a single person....I am thinking it's b/c they could have sold that seat to a couple, and now, since, I'm there will not be lucky enough to sell to another single?
What?
So if I travel by myself, without my husband, I pay less for that one seat because I'm married? You think that married people share one seat?
Nope, you are wrong there.....single occupancies pay more, even on bus trips....all bus trips are more for a single person....I am thinking it's b/c they could have sold that seat to a couple, and now, since, I'm there will not be lucky enough to sell to another single?
I am failing to understand this statement. I just bought a bus ticket to NYC. If I had bought two tickets, it would cost twice as much. The price is per ticket.
... But if a person can't find a boyfriend/girlfriend, the fault is entirely personal. Finding a partner is contingent upon social skills and good character, and those things, one supposes, never become obsolete. ...
Yes, some married-couples are friendly and even solicitous, and I'm very grateful for such support. Unfortunately, awkwardness is unavoidable. There we are, sitting around the dining-table... husband, wife, their 3 kids... and the single guy. How should the conversation be calibrated, so as to avoid subjecting the children to controversial or untoward subjects? And what if the parents are an older couple, with one of their kids a daughter, back on break from college? Won't the father worry about the single-guy staring at the daughter? If the kids are younger, the family might have to end dinner early, to put the kids to bed. And so on.
Oh how I wish my friends and family had made their partner selections based upon social skills and good character!!! Maybe I wouldn't have had 3 step-dads, and my brothers wouldn't have married cheaters or spendaholics their first marriages. That's why there are so many divorces, picking people for all the wrong reasons.
As for the single guy or gal on vacation with us, since we are childfree, married in our forties and now 56/61, usually it's the single (never married or divorced) that is bringing children to these events, not us. We would certainly never be friends with someone who would ogle our family members. As adults we discuss adult topics when those around are adults, and safer topics when they are people of inappropriate age about, either too young or too old to appreciate the topic.
We never consider asking single friends to be a "pity invitation", rather that we truly enjoy their company and want to spend time with them. Sometimes we each (DH and I) invite one single, just so we have somebody to hang out with besides each other. Or I'll invite a friend or couple that I enjoy and he does the same. The only troubles we have had are when the single brings an objectionable +1 (drunk or rude).
Go check the price one plane ticket. Then the price of two. Tell me which costs more.
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One more reason I am hightailing it out of suburbia: the rube ratio is too high for my tastes.
