U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Old 01-23-2008, 02:44 AM
1 posts, read 2,823 times
Reputation: 11


I need some advice. My situation is very complicated but I will try to keep it short.

I was told it would be extremely hard to get pregnant since age 13,I've had female problems, I was engaged to get married for 2 1/2 years then broke it off for my first "LOVE" I'd known him since I was 11 years old. He was a fun partier, trouble maker, the bad boy type. We got together in December it was going down hill by May. I left after an arguement in End of may for the holiday weekend. I found out I was pregnant, I let him know he told me to take care of it he didn't want another child he cant take care of or cant see.
I kept the child. But only less than aweek after finding out I was pregnant had a threatened misscarriage. The embryo survived so the doctor called it.The Bio didn't even come to the hospital when I told him I was there.
We tried to make it work for the unborn child. He became obsesive and contolling. He then told me he was going to his other son on the other side of the state, How can I be a dad to this one if I cant be a father to my first.2months later we moved into a place together while I was out of town I found out my ex-fiances' sister was at my house with my boyfriend(the Bio)
Three days later I moved out. He had nothing but argueing and yelling at me while we were together and it got worse after we split, then he wanted nothing to do with the child.
I didn't want him at the hospital when my son was born but his mother was.(eventhough I bit my toungue, I didnt want to deny her that after telling her she could) I let him know his son was here he said he was bringing his girlfriend(My ex fiance's girlfriend A.K.A. Ann) I told him it was not the time and the place if he wanted to see his son HE could. He never did.
My son is going to be 1 this weekend. I have been back together with my previous Fiance' (aka B) since my son was 2 months old. the Bio has seen his son maybe a dozen times Ever 3 months or so he contact B to damand to see him, he didn't even ask me.
So here is the issue
We went to court he asked for everyweekend 3 months out of the summer this YEAR and even year holidays. Even stated I needed a physicolgical evaluation.
We celebrate holidays together B and Ann are brother and sister our commons partners. The Judge awarded Supervised Visitation due to Drug Conviction History. which I got on my own. I have a lot of "dirt" as he is not the greatest person and I worry about my child with him.
When the Judge awarded visitation supervised he also ordered Family Court Evaluator
Bio seen the Evaluator first. When I met the Evaluator. They stated The Bio was required to do drug assesment, evaluation, and random drug testing, the eval. didnt feel the Bio would follow through Eval. thought if Bio was pushed to do something he would run. I feel the same. SO the report is due in 2 weeks. I know that he didn't follow through with the Eval.s requirements which I think will probably suspend visitation until started.
BIO hasn't missed a visit so far, but if visitation is suspended I will still have to deal with him. All I've wanted is the Bio and son to get to know eachother before taking him for weekends, I asked that I be present, I even 3 times tryed outside of court to set something up ex: visit at my home 2x week with child for 3 solid months then talk about other options did one time show up with (as he said a bodyguard) second attempt was supervised by a professional agency I was even willing to pay to get the papers processed. Denied. 3rd attempt visits at mall where I would allow himself only to walk around with child alone for a couple hours a couple times a week. Where I would do my own thing. But WAS NOT to leave the mall DENIED
The major problem with US is communication, there is none I still have to contact him through his girlfriends phone. He has never contributed in anyway other than Child support which has never been in full inwhich I dont see cause I'm on state assistance. (I dont care about the $)
How do I deal with this BIO I have no choice. I love my Boyfriend and AM not going to break it off because of this BIO all I need is someway to deal with him. He only wants weekends nothing less but EVERY WEEKEND!! I was wondering if there is any type of class or group in the PORTLAND OREGON VANCOUVER WA area that may be able to assist. Considering there isn't much money on either side.
Dont get me wrong he's not the greatest BIO but I feel guilty not allowing him anything, he is not been a very good father yet but I hope that if there is communication and he stays off hard drugs he should be able to see his son after there is some sort of BOND. I will not allow my child to go over night to somewhere he doesn't know. I dont know if my child would come back at this point because of lack of trust and communication. but I really want to give this guy a chance without having to continue to run us ALL through the Dirt.
I'm only 22 but a excellent mother, I try my hardest to make sure I'm being fair, But dont want my child hurt, my fear is my son will become bonded/attached to the BIO and the BIO Will disappear for the rest of his life as the BIO did with his other son whom is almost 5 years old and BIO has seen 4 times. The BIO is also 22 almost 23 raised without a father and a drug addicted mother, a brother he's seen 1 time since BIO was 13 he's had a rough life but my son doesnt deserve it.
Another one of my concerns is if unsupervised BIO would take child to his residence with mother (meth addict) in which is in a differant county and allow the grandmother to use around the child. Which the residence is a 5th wheel travel trailer where the rumor is the BIO sleeps on a pull out couch.
What kind of stipulations should I ask for and what should i allow.
I know even if visits are revoke he will still be in contact with child at family functions. I have made everything open to the BIO doc appts, Birthday invites for BIO's family, I feel I'm being overly fair, but HOW DO I GET COMMUNICATION SO family functions aren't so rough. He refuses to go to his son's birthday but gives some BS excuse about not being able to even though visitation is only over at an hour before party starts.
ERGHH what kind of person am I dealing with can I make this work?
Can I get a common ground? Can we find a way to allow him visitation without BIO feeling that it's all my way and unfair? HOW do i do visits without it being over night but making BIO feel it's fair,(eventhough he's never tried to make a request other than over nights)
Thank you so much for reading sorry so long.. Dont know how to express my thoughts on this situation very well it really hard,
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top