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We don't live near family so family get togethers are an event to be enjoyed. No TV - unless it's after a full day of activity and we're just winding down watching a movie...it's a really nice time.
+1
At this point, my entire family of blood relatives consists of only two people, and our get-togethers a couple of times each year are very meaningful. Even when you throw relatives by marriage into the mix, you still have only enough people to count on one hand.
Perhaps if I had a huge family--or if the gatherings turned into mean-spirited drunken events--I would feel differently, but because our gatherings are calm, reflective, and respectful to all, they are enjoyable. We may watch a bit of TV to fill some time between dinner and dessert, but I still find these gatherings to be something to look forward to.
In the not-too-distant future, there may not be a chance to get together with these folks, so I think it is important to savor your time with them at this point.
I always dread it, but it ends up not being as bad as I thought it would be. I'd honestly rather stay home and do holiday things with the hubby though.
For 58 years, I hosted the Family Christmas gathering at my home - I cooked, cleaned, shopped, wrapped, decorated - and everyone in the family came. In 2011, one family member decided to be a turd and I said, "That's it. I'm done." Christmas comes every year but I no longer get caught up in the chaos.
I don't attend any holiday events. If there is a party honoring a special occasion, and I'm invited, I make an effort to clean up and put in an appearance. Since I'm able to drive, I insist that I will get there on my own. When I've had enough I can quietly thank the host and leave. Otherwise, I do what pleases me. Read. Nap. Cut the grass. Bake a cake. I can go to Walmart and feel superior. But I avoid the drama at all costs. Hot dogs give me indigestion anyway.
We spend the Christmas holidays with my husband's family. It's an overnight trip on Amtrak to get there. We always get sleeping accommodations because I'm usually exhausted.
I always have mixed feelings about going. For one thing, it means we haven't had a Christmas at our house -- ever. So no tree, no decorating and most years no lights on the house. We get to MIL's house and the tree's already up and fully decorated. As the years go by I find I miss those Christmas traditions more and more and I'm starting to resent it a little.
Still, we do enjoy it for the most part. We stay at a nearby hotel, so we have a retreat when things get to be too much. Last year we were both sick when we arrived and were in bed the entire time we weren't at MIL's house.
Last year was also the year my SIL decided she was going to make Christmas dinner at her "new" shop. I put new in quotes because it's actually an old farmhouse that served as a bed and breakfast for many years. So it had a kitchen, just not a very modern one, and some of the appliances didn't work. The house had been beautifully done up in period wallpaper and fixtures by previous owners and there was a roaring fire in the sitting room fireplace, so it was very old-fashioned Christmas-y.
its really starting to annoy me. im black and they're definition of family time is sitting in front of a TV and watching a crappy movie and eating. Not fun at all
hmm, to me, I'd prefer a bit of "round table time" where we do stuff like sit together in a restaurant and at least just chat. Should include some stuff about "what's happening". Not every1 has to state where they're working at, how things are, etc. like some kind of contrived checklist, but it'd be nice to hear a bit since we almost never talk otherwise (phone, email, txt, and if so, only once every few to 10 years, if at that.).
Otherwise, generic conversation stuff like why a couple thinks living in Las Vegas is good for retirement (but not if can't drive), news stuff, investments, where to get good food, etc.
Well, you could speak up, you know. Nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, we can watch TV any time - let's go out and [fill in the blank] instead." Or even just suggesting going out to a movie, preferably not a crappy one.
its really starting to annoy me. im black and they're definition of family time is sitting in front of a TV and watching a crappy movie and eating. Not fun at all
Count your blessings. I'm a "hunkie" (old definition - Eastern European extraction; Poles, Croats, Serbs, et al). Family get togethers for the holiday were a given back in the day. Innocent as can be in the 1950's. However, 10 years later...after the kids got to be in their teens or so, and the marriages started going rocky, the liquor would flow like springwater at these functions! Thanksgiving 1965 was so memorable. Two aunties, one of their friends from the same block, and a couple of uncles chiming in. I should have made a movie. There was accusations of a "hoe-to-be" [that one played out} a cross- dresser {that one played out} a "Lesbin" {never proven but not out of the question} and heck knows what else. Screaming at each other for hours, throwing food, pointing fingers...Wow! What a sight to see. Us kids just sat there and watched. In a way, it was "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Wolff" on big time steroids! My Dad actually took family movies of the fiasco (originally to be dubbed "dance Party #4), but, drat, those films were thrown out.
My dad had to physically carry auntie up the steps and throw her in her car (with her five kids there) and I remember he swore never to EVER have a holiday gathering at our house ever again. He never did.
I learned more about my "family tree" there, in just a few hours, than I would spending 80 hours on that goofy website.
Cable TV has utterly ruined the "family gathering."
Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 07-04-2015 at 08:14 PM..
its really starting to annoy me. im black and they're definition of family time is sitting in front of a TV and watching a crappy movie and eating. Not fun at all
I don't know what being black has to do with that...I'm sure plenty of other ethnicity families do it too.
Anyway, my family doesn't really have them anymore...stopped unteen yrs ago due to family members slowly passing away & everyone just doing their own thing...my family wasn't that big to start with.
My boyfriend on the other hand has a big family & they're the type who have quite a lot of get togethers & I avoid them as much as I possibly can because they're not nice, warm people. They're very smug, narcissistic & I could go on & on, but I've have a whole LOT more fund staying home & watching TV rather than be with them.
Nope to the OP. I don't like holiday/family get togethers, and go out of my way to avoid them. I live halfway across the country from my family, so it's not tough to do.
One of the reasons I've remained happily single over the years is so I could avoid having to deal with a potential wife's extended family. Mine is difficult enough to deal with!!!
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But I avoid the drama at all costs. Hot dogs give me indigestion anyway.
