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And, if I'm not attracted to them, I see no reason to hang out with them.
Wow. How sad. There are so many great humans. Some of my most delightful friendships have been and are with men. Some men I've been attracted to (or think are attractive), others I don't, but it's always their personality that determines whether I want to hang out with them or not.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a jealous person. You should do them a favor and leave their life, because they're always going to resent you for having something they don't have. They may even twistedly believe that it's your fault they don't have what they want in life.
This is so true! Sometimes a person wrongly thinks you have something and then resents you for it. It's not always rational and it isn't always a known thing until it eventually leaks out, but it always comes out sooner or later.
It does not offend me. I really don't blame you. There is no point in being friends with a woman you are attracted to. Some women keep men around like that to dote on them and give them attention. It would be a waste of time. If I were a guy, I'd end it with a woman who said "let's be friends". The women I've known who do this, often don't have many friends and that's why they try to turn interested suitors into friends. Their personal life is lacking and they need attention.
My Hamptons share organizer(s) for the summer of 1988 consisted of a couple who as of 1991 became husband and wife. For a long time I had parallel non-romantic relations with the woman of the couple. In the little village in which I live two of my exes reside. One of them I am comfortable with because the 1987 relationship was never intense. The other one I allow my wife to conduct the continued relationship. My wife, ironically, is friends with both.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22
I did have a close male friend for many years, but he was gay, so no conflicts of interest there.
A month before I first met my wife she had a combined birthday party with two gay men. One of the guests of one of the gay men was a girl I dated in college and for a brief period thereafter. That guest set me and my wife up on a blind date. Getting her to do the setup wasn't easy but that's another story for another day.
My Hamptons share organizer(s) for the summer of 1988 consisted of a couple who as of 1991 became husband and wife. For a long time I had parallel non-romantic relations with the woman of the couple. In the little village in which I live two of my exes reside. One of them I am comfortable with because the 1987 relationship was never intense. The other one I allow my wife to conduct the continued relationship. My wife, ironically, is friends with both. .
Nobody said men and women can't be platonic friends.
The issue is, if a man is attracted to a woman but she is not interested, it would make for an unhealthy friendship because the man would always be frustrated that he can't have something more for her. So it's probably better for them to go their separate ways. When one person wants something the other one can't give, this is not a good foundation for a friendship.
I think a lot of people can be friends with their exes, but that also is different, and it can work out if neither one of them wants to resume the romantic involvement.
This is so true! Sometimes a person wrongly thinks you have something and then resents you for it. It's not always rational and it isn't always a known thing until it eventually leaks out, but it always comes out sooner or later.
Not rational is a very good description of jealousy. People who are jealous are consumed with thoughts of the person who has something they don't have.
Nobody said men and women can't be platonic friends.
Your post confused me when you said: "If I were a guy, I'd end it with a woman who said 'let's be friends'. "
Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22
I think a lot of people can be friends with their exes, but that also is different, and it can work out if neither one of them wants to resume the romantic involvement.
In my situation, the one where I want to conduct the relationship through my wife only is a troubled woman. I know just how troubled and on the basis of confidentiality I haven't shared my knowledge of her issues with my wife. When that woman's father just died, I helped pen a condolence note referring to my meeting with her parents around Christmas 1988. I had my wife make both of our signatures.
I had a moderately good friend from about 1986 to 2005. The friendship ended when we had dinner before a Gordon Lightfoot concert and I mentioned that I voted for George W. Bush in 2004. He stopped accepting my calls or responding to my emails.
People who can't allow themselves friends of other political opinions really frighten me. It makes them ever more insulated from reality and narrow-minded.
People who can't allow themselves friends of other political opinions really frighten me. It makes them ever more insulated from reality and narrow-minded.
Just this morning at synagogue I lost a friend who had been mentoring me at the synagogue since 2009, and his wife. He was devastated that I voted for Hillary. He first launched into a diatribe about an email the Rabbi had written inviting people to Temple on an open house basis to air their emotions. When I interjected that friendships should not be lost over an election vote he said "Jim, it's over." I didn't even get a chance to say that if the nominee were Pence or Cruz I would have voted against Hillary.
He said what I wrote on Facebook in response to the Rabbi was "very well written, as always, but thoroughly offensive."
This election was so bitter & divisive, filled with hate speeches and many untruths. It's based on emotion, and like any strong emotional issue it's one of those "either you're with me or you're against me" polarizing situations.
My mother would email me propaganda that had been forwarded to her about how awful Clinton is. I had to <smile / delete> and ignore because it would only create strife to get into it and who needs more drama or anger in their lives?
I suspect many friendships have been lost along the way for people, along with tensions in some families, and it's sad when that happens. A discussion can be done with respect, but it takes a lot of discipline to keep feelings separate. Hey it's possible--I mean James Carville and Mary Matalin worked it out to get & stay married.
... Hey it's possible--I mean James Carville and Mary Matalin worked it out to get & stay married.
Sex probably helped them.
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