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We rarely have friends visit but when they do, some wear me out to the point of extreme exhaustion (both my husband and I are in 60s & 70s have health issues, too.) Houseguests want to do strenuous sightseeing with us and are up at 7:00 a.m. and want to be entertained until midnight. I can't do it. We retire at 9 p.m. (when my husband and I normally go to bed). but I just cannot go go go all day long, be engaged in non-stop conversation, and do meals and dishes on top of all that plus a few other required daily chores. I really don't want to tell some people not to visit as we cannot afford to go see them. We also live way out in the country. Ideas? Suggestions?
We rarely have friends visit but when they do, some wear me out to the point of extreme exhaustion (both my husband and I are in 60s & 70s have health issues, too.) Houseguests want to do strenuous sightseeing with us and are up at 7:00 a.m. and want to be entertained until midnight. I can't do it. We retire at 9 p.m. (when my husband and I normally go to bed). but I just cannot go go go all day long, be engaged in non-stop conversation, and do meals and dishes on top of all that plus a few other required daily chores. I really don't want to tell some people not to visit as we cannot afford to go see them. We also live way out in the country. Ideas? Suggestions?
Whenever I visited older relatives, I always did far more than my share of the daily housework such as cooking, dishes, daily cleaning and even doing (or offering to do) my bed linens on the day that I left.
In addition, I always understood their schedule & needs. Perhaps, you need to discuss these things with your house guests in advance. Be sure to say "We go to bed at 9 PM. Feel free to stay up later reading or playing cards or something else quiet and turn out the lights before you go to bed.
Just be honest with them. If they are true friends they will understand.
Whenever I visited older relatives, I always did far more than my share of the daily housework such as cooking, dishes, daily cleaning and even doing (or offering to do) my bed linens on the day that I left.
In addition, I always understood their schedule & needs. Perhaps, you need to discuss these things with your house guests in advance. Be sure to say "We go to bed at 9 PM. Feel free to stay up later reading or playing cards or something else quiet and turn out the lights before you go to bed.
Just be honest with them. If they are true friends they will understand.
All of this^^^^, plus we also make a point of doing sightseeing in a friend's city without them feeling obligated to come along. The last time we stayed with friends in DC, we took transit down to the Mall, and later in the day they joined us for dinner and the evening near the Jefferson and MLK memorials. It gives them a break from having to go to their own local attractions for the umpteenth time, and gives everyone a bit of breathing space too.
Houseguests want to do strenuous sightseeing with us and are up at 7:00 a.m. and want to be entertained until midnight. I can't do it. We retire at 9 p.m. (when my husband and I normally go to bed)
Then don't!
Like mentioned below.... Be sure to say "We go to bed at 9 PM. Feel free to stay up later reading or playing cards or something else quiet and turn out the lights before you go to bed."
If the activity they want to do is too much for you, tell them the hours, print out a map, and say that you'll meet up later in the day.
With guests out of the house, you can do a bit of those chores you mention.
1- Don't make elaborate meals, things like build your own pizza, sandwiches, tacos, etc are an easy thing to put together, have a meal out now and then. Use disposable dishes and then toss it all.
2- You don't have to do everything with them.
3- Tell them stay in a hotel, when ~8:30 pm rolls around say "well we are going to get to bed, see you tomorrow?"
I like having guests but I'm not going to wear myself out over it.
It sounds like you have let your house guests take advantage of your hospitality. This is what I would do. I would send a letter out to anyone who has visited with you and your husband and do it quickly. In the letter express how much you both have enjoyed the visit(s) from them. Let them know that due to your own busy schedules and needs that you will need to request that if and when they come to visit you again that they comply to some house rules that you have both had to initiate to be able to accomplish everything that needs to get done. If they do not let you know in advance of their visit, this needs to be included. Then you could have something like the following:
***If you wake up before (for ex) 8:00 a.m., we don't. Please be quiet so that we can rest until our wake up time of (for ex) 9:00 a.m.
***We will be glad to accompany you on one or two sightseeing places. If you care to enjoy anymore than that, we will have to decline to join you, as we do have lots of chores to take care of.
***We will have a pot luck dinner and and ask that you bring your choice of one or two items. (Serve meals on paper plates to save time in cleaning up. Don't be bashful about saying...."Hey, Margaret and Stanley, I'd appreciate you helping me clean the table so that we can all chat sooner with one another.)
*** We turn into pumpkins at 9:00 p.m. everynight. You are welcome to stay up later. Please don't turn up the t.v. too loudly as we need our rest.
Now, all the above may seem hard to do, and may also seem a bit rude. However, it is merely being assertive enough to express your needs and set your boundaries. Something these visitors seem to have little respect for and from what I am understanding in your posting, they seem to be really good at taking advantage of you and the only way to stop them from continuing to do so is to let them know what your expectations of them are.
Yeah, you need to quit being so accommodating. You can just tell them you're getting too old to do so much.
Are they inviting themselves? Even if not, then I agree with the others that you need to establish boundaries, but I believe it can be done in a nice way.
For instance, you can say how much you love it when they visit, but you're getting too old to be out and about all day long, so it will be a feed-yourself kitchen and you'll make sure easy food is stocked with paper plates, and (if you're willing) they are welcome to borrow your car to go out on the "town" or to do sightseeing, and you will be needing to get to bed early each night.
Something like that. Who knows, maybe they'll actually be relieved too. Wouldn't it be ironic if they have been feeling a bit tired out by the long days, too, thinking it's what you wanted?
Relatives just stayed with me for a week. I showed them where the coffee pot is, where the bottled water, soft drinks and wine were, pointed out the bagels and coffee cake already sliced under a glass dome and ready for grabbing a bite. Fridge was fully stocked. I anticipated all their needs and provided them so they could hep themselves. They did. I fixed nothing. I slept in. They fended for themselves very well. So I had plenty of energy for sightseeing and enjoying the company of family I rarely see. We also enjoyed various restaurants for dinner.
I know my limitations and am not willing to cook for one and all and I never offered. I think it's a pretty good idea to suggest what activities you would like to do with them, where to eat, etc., and by all means go to bed when you want. It's your house and good houseguests will respect that and be accommodating. I would never think to present them with a list of "rules."
We all had a good time and I've since received effusive thanks from my guests. Of course, getting the house clean and in tip-top shape ready for their arrival damn near killed me but the actual visit was relaxing. And now my house is really clean too.
Wondering if these guest are the same age as the OP or if the guest are younger relatives. If they are younger relatives then they should understand that older people cannot run like that. I think its asking a lot to ask them too. Either way the OP needs to communicate before guest arrive that they go to bed early, cannot go out sight seeing much etc. I bet if they quit doing it the visits will slow down anyway.
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